Man in ladies loo (with little daughter)

[CallmePaul]

Hello Mumsnet, 1st poster here.

So I'm the man in question here, my 4yr old girl needed the loo in a big store today, went into the men's, stinky & horrible & the only 1 available cubicle is engaged, the disabled one is locked & my little one is busting.
I opened the ladies door, wow much nicer than the men's! I asked loudly if it was OK if a man came in with his little girl to the loo, got an OK from a cubicle, business attended to.

Washing her & my hands afterwards I got a pretty loud tut & mumble of humph womans toilets, from a lady who just entered, I get it, I'm a bloke in a ladies loos, I really shouldn't be in there.

I've never taken her in the ladies before, always the men's & some pretty nasty loos at times.

So acceptable behaviour from me or was I out of order?

Would not bother me in the slightest as I would be able to see your little girl with you and would just presume you were a dad doing what he had to do to care for his daughter.

At the York outlet mall on Thursday, I visited 2 of the different women's toilets on a very busy day in half term.

As expected, there were quite a few women with their young sons with them - which is fine by me. But there were also boys who were at least 10 or more, some together, along with mums or grans. I find this NOT fine - they're old enough to go in the men's.

It's all part, for me, of teaching them that they can just invade women's spaces.

Oh, it's one of those rare occasions isn't it. No harm done.

Fifteen years ago, nobody would have minded in the circumstances.

It's the men without tiny children wa ting to enter our priva6e spaces that are the problem, and so understandable someone wasn't keen you were in there. Surely you can see that if this post is genuine?

Think no more of it.

That is a clear case of using data to make things sound worse than they are...

"In this one specific place this happens."

It's not saying that unisex facilities have increased SA overall.

Absolutely fine!

This can't be real surely? It's the reference to the ladies toilet being cleaner and lovely smelling. Yes if course it is. We don't piss all over the place! Which is exactly why we don't want men in our spaces. Fair enough if your daughter needed to go and there was no male toilet available, but to comment that the women's was preferable takes the biscuit.

Meant to quote another poster there, but it didn't work 😳

I’d rather a dad do what OP has done than risk him taking his daughter into the men’s and her seeing a man’s genitals at the urinals.

You asked there was no response that said no. I personally have no issue with this. Sending a child whatever gender into a toilet at the age of 4 unsupervised is a big no from me and I base this on this on the trauma work I do with adult survivors of both genders

Not only would I not put any of my DD's through using a foul smelling mens toilet but I don't allow my 9yr old to use public female toilets alone either. Obviously she goes in the cubicle alone but wondering into a public space behind a closed door where I can't see...nope.
You asked and did what you needed do for your daughter.

I was raped by a strange man in public. I still think what you did was fine. I would have done a double take thinking I was in the wrong restroom but wouldn’t have had an issue being in there once I saw you were with your daughter

Can’t believe some of the responses here, the little girl is 4 and bursting for tho loo. What harm have they done by respectfully popping into the ladies?
I wouldn’t send a 4 year old into any public toilet unaccompanied whether they were capable of going my themselves or not.

Not ok. At 4 your daughter is perfectly of using the ladies loo alone or waiting to use the men’s cubicle.

You will never understand how threatened some women feel alone in a confined space with a man who is already breaking rules. You just will never get it at all. So just stay out.

The amount of male cleaning staff I see in women's toilets I would not give a shit if a dad was in there with a small child.

A 4 year old can toilet herself and you wait outside. You don't belong in the ladies.

Why would you let a 4 year old into a public toilet by themselves?

In an emergency situation I think you did the right thing shouting in and asking permission, the only thing you did wrong was not to speak the women who entered "sorry, just leaving, the gents were out of order, my dd was desperate and I asked everyone if it was ok" then exit as soon as possible, but don't make a habit of it.

Gents toilets being messy or smelly is up to men and dads to resolve. Complain to premises and keep complaining. Dads should take their dd to the toilet/changing area appropriate to the parent, adult men should not be in womens spaces unless a one-off emergency.

I wouldn’t be happy sending a 4 year old in to a toilet alone even before this happened (Perth Australia 2006)

‘AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD girl murdered in a Perth shopping centre was attacked while her uncle and brother were just metres away, knocking on the door of the disabled toilet where she died.’

Any girls in the Ladies would have been subjected to a man they didn't know. That being the point.

So the women’s toilets are unisex, got it.
Maybe men can campaign for family toilets, eh.

There are signs outside of the toilet saying that there may be men inside.

I’m not sure I would be comfortable with my 4yo going in alone.

And how was the woman to know the child didn’t have additional needs.

Men should use the men’s toilets in 99% of the cases but I’d have no issue in this scenario.
So many places have shared toilets.

I couldn’t lock and unlock toilet doors at 4. What if there’s an actual predator in the ladies’? OP is protecting his daughter.

I am really quite surprised as the amount of people here saying they’d be ok sending their 4 year old into a public toilet on their own.

Massive difference between using a toilet alone at school or nursery (she wouldn't be alone in the toilet at the nursery where I work) and using one in a busy store.
It's fine to use the ladies with your 4 year old, I wouldn't want my DD going in the men's. Much better to use an individual cubicle and no risk of seeing men peeing.
People are being ridiculous to say use the men's or send her in alone.