Man in ladies loo (with little daughter)

[CallmePaul]

Hello Mumsnet, 1st poster here.

So I'm the man in question here, my 4yr old girl needed the loo in a big store today, went into the men's, stinky & horrible & the only 1 available cubicle is engaged, the disabled one is locked & my little one is busting.
I opened the ladies door, wow much nicer than the men's! I asked loudly if it was OK if a man came in with his little girl to the loo, got an OK from a cubicle, business attended to.

Washing her & my hands afterwards I got a pretty loud tut & mumble of humph womans toilets, from a lady who just entered, I get it, I'm a bloke in a ladies loos, I really shouldn't be in there.

I've never taken her in the ladies before, always the men's & some pretty nasty loos at times.

So acceptable behaviour from me or was I out of order?

I don't think I'd have a problem seeing a father using the ladies with his daughter if you did exactly as you did and shouted out.

I couldn't bear the thought of my daughter using a men's toilet.

Little boys have to.

You asked first so that’s fine. I’d have no problem with this.

I remember in the Turner exhibition in Margate a dad hovered outside as his girls went inside. I think he asked someone to keep an eye on them. It’s a problem many dads must have.

i’d feel happier the dad going in the ladies then him taking young girls in the men’s.

If they wanted the 'accessible' toilet to be accessible to all, they wouldn't have locked it.

I would find a man holding the main door open far more annoying than one who just did what was needed discreetly in a cubicle then washed hands and left.

Wouldn't be a problem to me.

You were being more than reasonable.

Grumpy-bum tutting her t*its off at you was being more than unreasonable and her attitude was atrocious.

I would have been totally fine about a man in the ladies with his little girl who needed to use the toilet.

Some people are too intolerant for their own good. You put the needs of your child first and thats what counts.

This wouldn’t bother me at all. I’ve got a daughter the same age.

Thank you @ButWhatAboutTheBees , I was reading the thread wondering why no one had pointed this out.

Touchy subject on here especially. Quite a specific situation and wouldn't bother me at all, I wouldn't wish a men's toilet on any small child

Why? Just why! are men’s toilets so disgusting?!

OH has kidney issues and when we're out is a frequent visitor to the toilets. He thinks it's unusual for toilets to be that bad unless your in a pub or fast food place. The main issue is the floors being dirty or wet particularly in winter with people traipsing through or urinals that are blocked.

Buy a wig and sunglasses and keep your mouth closed. Go in do your business and leave. It wouldn’t bother me but I’ve worked in HC so human bodies are all the same to me.

So little boys have to use the smelly men’s. Where does it end.
It’s like the women’s toilets are for everyone. And the men’s are just for men. It’s not fair. You are the adult use the men’s. My DH use to send our DD’s into the women’s and wait outside(especially as they went to the toilet alone at home)

Definitely fine with me. All seperate cubicles here anyway.

I wouldn’t be bothered

If you'd explained to the one who gutted I'm sure she would have understood.

Ideally you would use the disabled/accessible toilet. Why the f* was it locked, I'd be livid.

The problem is that 1 in 4 women have been the victim of rape. Over 50% of women will be the victim of sexual violence over their lifetime. It is not rare. It is very very common. And a reasonable proportion of those women will be damaged by seeing a man somewhere that should be safe.

I am sure that you come across as a very nice person. No horns or anything. The problem is that the men who harmed us came across very nice too. Until they didn’t.

You are the father of a daughter. This is something that you should care about.

What you’ve inadvertently done is signal to your child that it’s Ok for her to find men in ladies toilets. When in reality we all know it isn’t ok. You had the foresight to know on the ladies before you went in, why couldn’t you have knocked on the disabled toilets and ask if they’d be long?
Not OK at all.

I'd have been OK with this as you had your little girl with you and she wouldn't necessarily been tall enough to use a standard toilet, the toilets in infant schools are much lower and smaller, and at home she'd probably need a step for the family toilet, I'd be more unsettled seeing a bloke dressed as a woman inside the ladies loos.

And the men’s are just for men.

Ever been to a concert or similar where the audience is 90% women?

They will be using the men's loos in the break.

I'm surprised how many women send their 4 to into public loos alone.

Not ideal but my boys will be 4 in a few months, still in nursery, I wouldn't send them into public loos alone. Entirely different to the safety of a nursery loo where they can call for help so I understand why you didn't do that.

Checking to see how long she could wait and trying to use the men's is preferable but I assume most men use a cubicle to poo so god knows how long it would have been occupied for. A little girl walking round town dripping wee isn't preferable.

I wouldn’t like this at all what if there was period blood on the seat or poo I always sanitised the toilets first and my DH knew he had to sanitise them too because of my ocd about this. 4 years is too young to be on your own in a public toilet.

I wouldn’t want my four year old daughter going in the men’s toilets ( if I had a daughter). Random blokes at the urinals with their genitals out - yuck. So I wouldn’t be bothered by a male in the women’s toilets with his young daughter - they are all cubicles anyway.

I've used Unisex toilets BTW

They aren't more threatening or scarier or anything like MN likes to make out.

Everyone just wants to do their business and leave.