Man in ladies loo (with little daughter)

[CallmePaul]

Hello Mumsnet, 1st poster here.

So I'm the man in question here, my 4yr old girl needed the loo in a big store today, went into the men's, stinky & horrible & the only 1 available cubicle is engaged, the disabled one is locked & my little one is busting.
I opened the ladies door, wow much nicer than the men's! I asked loudly if it was OK if a man came in with his little girl to the loo, got an OK from a cubicle, business attended to.

Washing her & my hands afterwards I got a pretty loud tut & mumble of humph womans toilets, from a lady who just entered, I get it, I'm a bloke in a ladies loos, I really shouldn't be in there.

I've never taken her in the ladies before, always the men's & some pretty nasty loos at times.

So acceptable behaviour from me or was I out of order?

Question to those people it's not fine or appropriate, why would you rather subject your 4 year old daughter to mens toilets where everything is out on display than aloe a gather to accompany his daughter into an area where each individual has the privacy of a cubicle? I really don't get it at all.

Do all those same people never use a unisex toilet?

I would be totally OK with it. I remember my dad having to take me into the men's toilets when I was a kid and trying to cover my eyes so that I wouldn't see the men standing at the urinals.

At 4, I would never let my child go into public toilets alone. I would need to check that the toilet seat is clean, that she doesn't get 'stuck' in the cubicle if she can't unlock the door and also, saying a child goes to the toilet alone in school is irrelevant. Toilets at school are child sized and it's a familiar, safe area.

As the long-time single mother of two girls, I’m curious to know why men’s toilets are so apparently awful. Who teaches boys good toilet etiquette that they take into manhood? Why can girls and women keep toilets clean but boys and men cannot? It’s a perpetual theme here on MN. My seven-year-old DD has known for years how to use a loo brush (I know, shoot me now for owning a loo brush!). We do not permit skid-marks or wee on seats etc. Surely this is just a basic courtesy once children are past nursery years?

Oh dear god. I can’t believe people are saying it’s unacceptable. You are a parent first and foremost and a 4 year old still requires a parent in a public toilet. You don’t know who might be in there.

MN is weird at the moment. Lots of rabid posters getting indignant and cross about bloody ridiculous things.

I would much rather you take your little one in the women’s toilet. Much nicer for her. Plus I’m not sure about urinalysis and a 4 year old seeing men pee. That’s worse I reckon.

Let’s put the DC needs first. Well done OP. You did the right thing in my book.

Unisex toilets are the worst form of evil according to MN. Creepy rapists just hang out in them waiting....

Toilets in nursery/ school are child sized. At 4 my dc still used a step to hop onto our toilet. I’d often give them a little lift onto the loo at that age.

This wouldn’t bother me. I’d be very unimpressed if you were there alone.

One day she'll be old enough to go in herself and you'll wait outside.

When a man goes in after her and you can't tell if he's desperate, has a reason, has a magic gender or is a pervert - you'll understand why men should stay out of women's toilets.

Shouting ahead - so what. You don't know if there's a child in there already who won't answer. A woman who is too scared to answer. A woman who isn't allowed to be in there with you.

Any thoughts on the 80+ replies so far, Paul?

If the woman in the cubicle had said she did mind, what would you have done?

I hear the sound of plopping and it's not poo.

Yes I would too, however some people have mentioned walking into the women’s toilets and freezing because they’ve encountered a man- doing this would take away the surprise element for them I thought?

It’s the women’s toilets you are a man. You shouldn’t have been there.

Two seconds of googling @ButWhatAboutTheBees

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/women/sexual-assault-unisex-changing-rooms-sunday-times-women-risk-a8519086.html

Oh for goodness sake. What a faff. I think it was fine. You called out 1st. Men's loos are no place for children.

At 4 my Dad would wait outside for me and speak to me from the hallway.

Often a "nice lady" would offer to keep an eye.

Before that he'd take me into the mens, as he did when I was swimming and had to change. Men shouldn't be in women's spaces.

When they've gotta go they've gotta go! You announced yourself, it was either wet herself or use a disgusting men's loo. The disability loo wasn't an option. I'd expect my husband to do the same with our daughters 👍

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, not a man with a little kid.

I think you're fine. But then I am that apparently rare thing, a woman who is not threatened by a person of another sex being present in the same public place as me.

Totally unacceptable. Why couldn’t you wait outside and she go in? Fucking entitled men

As a parent of a toddler, i’d understand, as i’d be clearly seeing you with your daughter.

NO WAY IN HELL would I send a 4 year old into public toilet by themself. And I don’t get these ‘they go to the toilet at nursery’ argument. Those toilets are smaller and specifically made for children. And they are a familiar safe space.

It raises an interesting issue actually. I haven’t been into many men’s toilets, but would i be right in assuming there are fewer cubicles in there? If so, this needs addressing, plus the cleanliness.

I would actually contact the store in question Op, to ask what you are supposed to do this situation, especially when the accessible toilet was locked and why the toilets weren’t kept clean.

This actually reminds me of a pub I went to where they only had baby changing facilities in the female toilets. We need to be facilitating dads to take their kids out.

I have no issue with it either. And I would rather this than subjecting a 4 year girl to being around men who she doesn't know in a men's toilet.

Just take her behind a bush and mumsnetters will be happy with your choice.

If they were out with dad then ours went to the gents.

My seven-year-old DD has known for years how to use a loo brush (I know, shoot me now for owning a loo brush!).

Not being an expert I mentioned this to OH and he can't remember seeing a loo brush in mens toilets.

Wow, I’m guessing some of you have never had children. No way I’d let my four year old into the toilet by themselves.
It’s really not ideal and I’ve been with her in the cubicle then got out sharpish, not hung around whilst she washed her hands.

I don't think four year olds should be using public toilets without an adult to clean up after them.