To think that most women don't even have high body counts?

[etchedowl]

I read this article in the guardian this morning https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/nov/03/when-andrew-tate-and-the-online-manboys-obsess-over-a-bodycount-girls-you-know-what-to-do which is a reaction to the current misogynistic male obsession with a woman's body count i.e. how many men she has slept with. Firstly I agree with the article that it is a totally misogynistic trope and not to be tolerated. But Secondly I wonder to myself, who are all these women with large "body counts"?

Most women I know like myself (now in my early 30's) would have dated and had boyfriend in their teens which mostly they did not have sex with then maybe a boyfriend or two they did sleep with before finally meeting the man they are now married to at some point during university or early 20's.

Most women I know were not out clubbing every week, meeting and sleeping with different men every week or month as the paranoid fantasies of these incel men say but were more likely to be tucked up at home with their long term boyfriends and husbands having a nice meal and watching box sets or even playing scrabble. Even the single women I still know will mostly socialise together at home with going out being the odd time rather than it being a bit never ending smorgasbord of hot men and sex!

Do any of these men actually know any women or do they just believe the absolute drivel they read online by shady men who are ultimately trying to sell them a product by capitalising their insecurity and paranoia?

Please note if there are women out their having a whale of a time having tons of sex then more power to them absolutely no judgement from me. The point of my post it that it seems in no way to me the norm for most women.

20’s and 30’s sitting in playing scrabble? You went to the wrong kind of parties!
I lost count at around 15, lots of 1 nighters, most of my friends were also having a good time. I’m so glad I had a misspent youth!

@porridgeisbae @lightpineapple @GonnaGetGoingReturns @Sugarfish thanks for answering my question!

I've been asked my "body count" on dates with men. When I ask why they want to know, they never have a valid answer. I usually say "somewhere between 1 and 1000" to fuck with their tiny brains. I end the date asap and won't see them again.

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If my ‘body count’ has the effect of keeping Andrew Tate and his ilk away from
me then that’s a bonus. Not only have I had lots of good sex in my time, I’m also not going to appeal to an insecure man who can’t face having sex with a woman who might have the experience to know just how shit he is in bed 😀

I do think at extreme levels high body count does matter, for either sex.

Every year on Love Island until recently there was a game where the guys (and interestingly never the girls) had to answer how many sexual partners they'd had.

They had all had almost 100 each and they were all in their early 20s. I remember being a bit revolted and wondering what sort of long term partner that sort of person could ever hope to be.

It reminded me of a conversation I'd had years ago with a former (long-term) boyfriend about STD clinics. I'd never had to go, but he'd had to before me, and I'd remarked that it must be awful to go there. He said no, it's the opposite and full of really good-looking people. That was an eye-opener.

I was in Newcastle. It was part of the culture lol.

This 100% I wouldn’t want to have sex with Andrew Tate anyway. Disgusting misogynistic hypocrite. I hate it so much when men say they’ll reject women just because they’ve had sex with multiple partners. They’re never anything special themselves!

It’s been really interesting reading others, views, l’ve only slept with 1 person.It’s more to do with my up bringing, parents quite strict.
Most importantly it’s whatever you feel comfortable with.Not all women are the same, there are many women, today, who’ve never had, one night stands or casual relationships and then choose to be celibate, or are happy to stay with one person (it’s just not really talked about)
I say, each to their own, nobody should judge, on how you choose to lead your life.

Mine is seven but I met my husband at 20 and have been with him ever since and I’m now early forties

That is disgraceful. I usually go for tic-tac-toe with my one night stands as one can finish a few games during the deed and then read afterwards without having to prolong the interaction with the man.

You do sound sheltered and judgemental

oh, and boring.

We have not really had any word about partners from our sapphic sisters.

While in postgrad. I lived with a woman and we had a very intense unfulfilled pash. She was from a Christian background and had not even come out to herself. I once drunkenly tried to initiate something and she was shocked. We argued about how horrible the men were (they were) whenever I had a new boyfriend, but she would never admit that there was something between us. I invited her to my wedding but she never came.

Years later I saw her in a cafe with her partner (she was super awkward but still pretty with her high cheekbones and the dimple when she smiled which was not often enough). Her partner told me that they had got together on the night they met and moved in together within 2 weeks and they were still together after 4 years. I suggested keeping in touch, but she said they were going to travel in South America and this was before the era of mobiles. I lost touch years ago.

I think women tend to cocoon themselves once they find a partner in most lesbian relationships, but this is anecdotal based in my experience of two outlier women. I would like to know whether this is the case.

Also F, I really miss you if on the off chance you are reading this.

I’m with others your experiences don’t resonate with me and only with a handful of friends.

Same, I'm in my 50s, we had lots of no-strings sex when I was in my 20s.

Tate and his idiots are scared little boys.

this is a simple red flag issue in a relationship thats best dealt with in the early stages.

either it matters to both parties, and gets discussed before any intamacy occurrs
or it dosnt matter and the topic is agreed to be irrellevant to the relationship.

My approach when young and relationship hopping was to suggest we both go to he GUM clinic together and get tested together and get results together before any risks are taken.

for me my partners "body count" has never neen an issue...
if mine was an issue then the relationship would not have any potential to develop so set eachother free.

I think it's safe to say that OP is on the low end of female "body count" numbers. If defending a low number makes you feel justified or you're husband is saying he loves that you have a low number then there may be internalised misogyny at play. The best thing you could do I'm that scenario is challenge those thoughts a little.

I met my husband when I was 16 and we married when I was 18, been together for 20 years, and he’s been my only partner.

I'm wondering how "body count" should really be counted. My number is unusually low if you restrict it to penetrative sex, but if you include other acts of intimacy that go beyond kissing and fondling and would definitely count as cheating if your partner did it (I've never cheated nor been with a married man, just trying to think of a benchmark to use), then it goes slightly above average.

If men have an average count of 5
And women have an average count of 3

WHO ARE THE MEN SHAGGING?!

My guess would be prostitutes. If a man sees a prostitute 5 times a year, (say, a married man with limited opportunities) and a prostitute sees 10 men a week, 40 weeks a year then he is likely to remember all those occasions, while she will not. The prostitute may have been working for 5 years when she answers the question, with a total body count of 2000. When asked the question she might just guess 1000 and undercount her bc by 50%. Not based on any personal information, just speculating.

Your experience is very unusual to me. A handful of my friends had that experience, most of them are the exception. I'm sure the average age of first time marriage is quite a lot older now than 1 or 2 generations ago and people date a lot more now rather than settling with one of the first few partners they meet.

I came to London in the early 80’s for University. I was a shy country girl but within a few months I became a goth, dyed my blond hair dark red and usually had a new boyfriend every few weeks that I met at the “slimelight”, “Kit Kat” club or even “Feet First” in Camden. Usually I went back with guys was because it took 2 hours by night bus to get home (remember those days). My flatmate did not go out clubbing very much so I would have the trek home myself late at night. I would usually be able to get a shag, (clean my teeth with a finger), have breakfast made and perhaps even explore a new area of London. This was pretty typical of women I knew back then. My sister stayed at home and went to the local college, but even then she was a bit rampant as well (although my mother found out about it as she was local) whereas she thought I was the celibate odd bod who would never have a partner because I looked like an “undertaker”.

As the protein man said, “education for women leads to promiscuity”.

Not necessarily. First of all(talking in general here) men tend to exaggerate and women tend to minimise numbers.

Even if that wasn't the case , you'd have 3 for 3 , and then you only need two more "outliers " ,as OP calls them, to bring the number up to five. Those two can be ONS, FWB or even simply a 5th long term relationship.

OP you are reflective of your demographic, but obviously there is more diversity as shown here and per the article you posted that includes different generations as well.

Some years ago I worked with a group of women who were a bit younger than me. Every weekend they were having one night stands, after getting drunk, waking up not knowing where they were or who they were with, whether contraception had been used or not. These were all educated young women post-Degree. I felt like I'd missed something, but put it down to a London lifestyle and alcohol. I was into a very specific music scene and dancing, and drank because I was thirsty. They repeatedly told me I'd missed nothing, waking up 'lost', not having your own toothbrush etc. really wasn't pleasant, but still they'd do the same the next weekend if not before.

I think 'typical' must vary a great deal depending on location and culture.