Shout out to my husband

[Lights22]

This isn't actually AIBU but given this is where most DH-bashing goes on I thought I'd add the thread here.

Last Christmas, whilst on mat leave, I had flu. And promptly gave it to baby and toddler at home with me. DH, without asking, took AL from this year's allocation to look after all three of us.

Yesterday, having already had an unpaid day off with baby (RSV this time) he then took a second day because, although it was supposed to be me and I was there, having been in ED all night I was in no fit state to parent.

He does the washing up every night.

He buys me chocolate on a bad day.

He gives me a lie-in most weekends as I'm up with baby most nights.

He's not perfect. He doesn't always get it right. But he does his best.

Your turn!!!!

'there's plenty of internet left' was quality altogether 😂

Right 😂😂

Mine is a gem, we're all neurodiverse (deffo me and the kids, and I see it in him but he's not interested in hearing it) and our household wouldn't run without him.

I run 2 small businesses from home, and I can just about manage to keep my head above water for those, but if I try to add in running a house I get majorly overwhelmed and everything starts going to shit.

He cooks every night, does pretty much all the cleaning, the washing, the bulk of the dog walking. School mornings he's got the kids fed and a brew on for when I get up, he gets the youngest dressed and makes their lunches, I just have to get myself ready to take them in, he does afternoon pick up so I don't have to break my work focus.

I earn the money and he keeps us from living in squalor, fed (I do the shopping) and puts up with our crazy asses and weird ways 😂

😆 - love this.

So long as it doesn't count as a 'thread about a thread', I'd be very happy to. Not sure we've got enough men here, or women in same-sex relationships, but we could all talk about how wonderful we are instead. Although it would probably descend into how unappreciated some women feel...

Scrapes my car, washes and cuts up strawberries to make me eat more fruit (I hate wet hands), puts my slippers on the radiator. Drives me to a cosy country pub for a large Sav blanc when I've had a crappy day.

I'm going somewhat OT, but the bould H just dropped up. And wrecked my head with Beatles trivia. But it was lovely. He's lovely. Sorry for waffling!

Mine has had a day off work today. Despite being on a waiting list for urgent surgery, he's spent most of the day out in the cold servicing my car ready for it's mot at the end of the month. He's also done the shopping (including some fab food treats 😁) and brought a load of wood in so we've got a lovely fire for the night.
I'm feeling a bit useless because I've just spent the day in my toasty warm office drinking coffee and having quite a chilled work day... 😂
I've told him he's the best husband I've ever had 😉

He’ a keeper

@howsaboutit
Super post. You've nailed it. 👏👏👏

I have been treated very badly. I had a very abusive marriage.

So it's not that.

Ironically, my H was pretty good at the 'gestures' - great at cooking, generous about doing things for me, clean & tidy. Until he decided he didn't want to be and wielded that over me too.

Even when he did do the above, he was still abusive in many other ways.

Appreciating your spouse is fine; gushing about expected norms of healthy relationships is cringeworthy & depressing.

Why though? It might seem naff to some, but why is it depressing? Or cringeworthy for that matter? There is absolutely nothing wrong with expressing appreciation for a good partner. It's depressing that you wouldn't feel able to express appreciation for them tbh.

@Chickenkeev

You are missing my point.

Saying to your spouse that you appreciate them, and thanking them for what they do, is lovely & important in a relationship.

Taking the position, as many have here, that their partner is great because they behave in ordinary, decent ways, taking their fair share of family related tasks, is cringeworthy. Of course they should. Why do women need to protest their gratitude for this, in a way men would never do?

Additionally, the comments about 'I'd be lost without him': I get the spirit of this, but no, you wouldn't be. You would be fine.

@EarringsandLipstick

not all abusive husbands are good at gestures. Mine did no housework, never emptied the dishwasher and would never have looked after a sick child, so they are not all the same.

I agree with @Chickenkeev - it’s good to appreciate the people who do good things in our lives. There is nothing cringeworthy about gratitude.

This thread has made me sad and emotional because I realise how little I thought I deserved for so long, so all I am saying is those blessed with a background that has resulted in high self esteem and high standards, and who have found men who treat them well - be glad.

🤔

Where did I say all abusive husbands were the same?

I said my abusive H was, in part, reasonably good at a lot of the stuff used as examples on this thread - he was still highly abusive.

Not sure why it's so hard to read my posts.

it’s good to appreciate the people who do good things in our lives. There is nothing cringeworthy about gratitude.

Really, do try reading what I posted. I said exactly this.

Appreciate them, of course. Post gushingly as if there was something exceptional - not so much.

And re gratitude - no. Women do not need to be 'grateful' because their spouse takes leave to care for his sick family; or does the washing up. 🤦🏻‍♀️

This thread has made me sad and emotional because I realise how little I thought I deserved for so long

I'm sorry to read this 💐
Me too. I've had to do a lot of work to overcome this. And part of that is not considering that lavish praise is needed for men doing what they should be.

Well, i would! I really would. It's not your place to tell me i wouldn't be. It's a very specific situation, and it wouldn't have applied a few years ago, when i could still walk, But i am where I am now, and i' massively, unendingly grateful for everything my H does for me.

I'm not saying it wouldn't be awful if for any reason you hadn't your DH. I'm sure he's lovely & it's great you are happy.

You wouldn't be lost. I know because I managed many things utterly alone - because I had to.

Of course it would have been preferable with a supportive spouse & much harder alone. But I wasn't lost.

Feeling that dependent on someone, no matter how wonderful, isn't ideal. That's not to say both of you being a mutual support for each other isn't a great thing; it is, and I'm glad you have it.

And so sorry @Chickenkeev I realise in my speed reading I missed that you cannot walk & require your DH support.

Of course that's very specific & different to anything I've ever experience, please ignore that part of my last post.

In general, women do not need to think they would be lost without their spouse though.

Sorry again for the too-quick reply

My DH loves it when I read Mumsnet, I'm always so relieved I managed to pick a good one (more luck than judgement)

It's not that women 'need' to do anything. They don't. They shouldn't. It still doesn't mean all men are shit. And needing men in our lives, idk, its just my husband. I love him.

It's not that women 'need' to do anything. They don't. They shouldn't. It still doesn't mean all men are shit.

In fairness, absolutely nowhere have I said or intimated that all men are shit. The opposite, in fact - I've acknowledged how wonderful positive relationships are.

And needing men in our lives, idk, its just my husband. I love him

That really is lovely, I'm glad you have him 🙂

Well, thank you!

Im grateful that DP gives me total freedom. Doesn’t require me to keep up a standard of cooking, cleaning or even working. He couldn’t care less if I quit my job tomorrow as long as I’m happy. He also plugs my car in when I’ve forgotten and makes me tea.

My DH is selfless in every sense, lets me be myself, makes me laugh every day, articulates his feelings, and has never let me down.

Surely that's how it should be?