Shout out to my husband

[Lights22]

This isn't actually AIBU but given this is where most DH-bashing goes on I thought I'd add the thread here.

Last Christmas, whilst on mat leave, I had flu. And promptly gave it to baby and toddler at home with me. DH, without asking, took AL from this year's allocation to look after all three of us.

Yesterday, having already had an unpaid day off with baby (RSV this time) he then took a second day because, although it was supposed to be me and I was there, having been in ED all night I was in no fit state to parent.

He does the washing up every night.

He buys me chocolate on a bad day.

He gives me a lie-in most weekends as I'm up with baby most nights.

He's not perfect. He doesn't always get it right. But he does his best.

Your turn!!!!

Mine’s just really hot.

I couldn’t get excited about him doing the things that make the world go round.
He doesn’t get excited when I hoover, I don’t get excited when he washes up.

Haha this is a good post.

I get it, people are much more likely to post when there is a problem than when everything is great, so it is good to know there are plenty of women out there who have good husbands / partners because crikey there are a lot of shockingly depressing posts on here from women whose partners are just awful (at best) and frequently abusive.

But....yes this does seem to be a depressingly low bar, and whilst I do think my DH is great, and I adore him, and I feel like we're a team, and we support each other, I definitely don't think he deserves special credit for doing his half of running our household, just like any grown up should.

😂I think we are with the same fella! I laughed at the MAFS comment!

Honestly though some of you seem to have very low expectations. You deserve better.

My husband is my rock. When I had cancer he took a yeara unpaid leave to care for me and our ds, 5 even with a guarantee he could return to the same role. Ended up caring for me even when back at work. I've been unwell over the years and currently under the hospital again and he is there with every single step of the way. Takes me to every appointment, looks after me. He's a great dad who has a fabulous relationship with our 18 year old. He washes up without comment, drives us everywhere as the current lone driver within the family. Hr loves us very much as we do him.

Mine does everything for me. He's a star altogether. He's v loud when he gets excited about something, which freaks me out, but other than that i haven't a bad word to say about him 😍

He took a day off work to look after his children when their main carer (his actual wife) was too sick to do so, and took another day off for the same reason.

He washes food from things that will be needed again for the next meal.

Good God, imagine if he did something out of the ordinary? I suspect the OP would drop to her knees in admiration.

You seriously need to raise the bar OP. You've described an average adult.

Honestly love a positive husband post on here!

I’m currently pregnant and my husband has absolutely looked after me the whole way through. We usually split the chores with me doing the ones I can tolerate and him doing the ones he can. Since being pregnant he’s cooked almost every meal, done the washing up (I’m still doing the laundry because he hates it and it’s only fair!), I still feel quite guilty because I feel like I’m not pulling my weight around the house and he is constantly reassuring me that I’m doing enough by growing our baby and that I must be knackered from that alone 🥹 He is the kindest most wonderful person I’ve ever met. My absolute best friend! We are both working on our past traumas and talk to each other about stuff every night. The first conversation we have every day is ‘how did you sleep? Did you have any dreams? How’s baby doing?’

I love him so much. And he is so attractive which is a bonus 😍

thanks for giving us a space to gush about the people on our lives!!

I don't think it's wrong to give a shout out to someone doing, what yes, should come naturally for most of it but so often doesn't.

It's so nice to hear what does make people want to stay together rather hearing what should, or actually makes them part.

My DH is my best friend, I've always utterly been able to be myself with him. He is so patient, kind, thoughtful, tolerant, laid back, soft-hearted and very even tempered.

Mine does more than 50% of the house work, cooks when I'm tired and offers to do lots of little things for me e.g. taking parcels to the post, fills my car with petrol and buys me little treats. He is awesome!

Well, that's nice. It sounds like you make each other very happy. In other news today, I got up, showered, put some washing on, emptied the bins & got myself to work on time, so Yay me🏅🏅

I had a terrible father. He was a terrible husband to my mum too. So i'm constantly amazed by my H. And i want to give him all the shout outs in the world! Just reading this thread has made me realise i should actually say it to him, but if i did he'd think i'd lost it altogether.

Mine gets a mention as on request he very abley shaved my opposing armpit following carpal tunnel surgery I had on both hands (a few weeks apart) and volunteered to do my legs!!! My hero!!! 😍💘

My partner is my partner.
We work together well although we do have chores that are more suited to our skills sets. My partner finds impossible to see into the future and that once he has cooked all the food or worn his boxers shorts there will be no more food or clean clothes. So I do most of the shopping and the washing.
I don't see mess and find it difficult to preempt that will want food at 6pm so need to think about cooking earlier than 5.58. So my partner does most of the cleaning and cooking.
He gets home from work between 5.45 and 6.10. If he is going to reach nursery before me he phones to pick my daughter up so I don't have to go out of I'm working from home. My train was delayed on Tue so he did the nursery pick up then cooked dinner so I could work late.
He looks after me when I am ill. When my daughter is ill we share it. Usually I take the first as me and daughter are still asleep when he leaves for work.
95% of all Saturday and Sunday mornings since my daughter was born in the summer of 2020 I have had a lie in. Most weekends one of use gets a soak in the bath depending on who is in greater need -cleanwise and emotionally!
We operate a "there's no need for us to be both awake" rule for overnight sleep distributions. I'm a night owl and my partner is a lark so broadly this means I get the overnight when she wants mummy anyway and from 5am onwards daddy is on duty and I catch up with rest.

With relationships it's important to distinguish between fair and equal. What we do in the house is not equal. No one is keeping score but one balance when you average it all out we do our fair share

Obviously it’s good but this is just being a half decent person/parent.

It shocks me how low some people’s bars are on here and how little they expect of men.

The trouble is, a lot of women think other people have better partners than them or they’re upset at the way they’re treated and that people like you have got lucky and they haven’t.

But I don’t believe that.
I don’t think it’s down to luck.
I think you wouldn’t put up with a man treating you like shit or not being an equal parent, so you are not with one.

I just wish these women could read this and think that if they raised their bar, they wouldn’t be with such a loser.

It’s great to hear some positives about men on here.

I completely understand the point of view that 'Men shouldn't get praise from their wives for doing normal household stuff'. But I also notice a lot of women on MN complaining that their husbands never show them any appreciation for that same normal household stuff. I think if you feel valued when your partner says 'Thanks for cooking dinner', it's not unreasonable to assume that your partner will feel equally valued when you say 'Thanks for cleaning the bathroom'. They're both basic household jobs obviously - I'm not suggesting that housework is some kind of favour! - but I think all people probably feel happier when they're appreciated by their partner, male or female, for the day to day stuff that they do.

Ages ago, a friend asked me why DP and I have such a solid relationship, and I said 'Well, we're just very similar in terms of values, interests and personality' and she said 'Well so are [husband] and I, but we still have so many rows and issues'. And when I thought about it, I realised that a big part of how DP and I get along so well is that... we're just nice to each other. I know that sounds weird but we do definitely make an effort to show each other appreciation for small things like basic chores. For example, I open the dishwasher and find that he's emptied it, I would usually say 'Thanks for doing that, love' and he does the same when I've done it, for example. It's such a small thing but I genuinely think it makes a big difference to our relationship.

My husband did all these things yrs ago because well he's a parent and a spouse . None of these things are reportable , imagine if thirty yrs ago I had gone to work bragging my husband was looking after my kids , cooking their meal , then gets my food ready and washes up . They would have looked at me like , well what are we supposed to say . ' man does life '

That's so sweet 😍

My partner is my partner.

@Superscientist

Such a simple sentence but has so much meaning.

So many people are in relationships with someone who does not see them as a partner.

Mine is currently trying to catch pee in a container. Cat has UTI and he's taking it to the vet. This after having followed said cat around for most of the morning. And on a work day which he'll need to work back.

The internet is such bad vibes

I'm forever single but I send a huge shoutout to your brilliant hubby!

Not sure he's father/husband of the year OP, that's all pretty basic stuff that I'd expect as the norm, stuff a good proportion of women* do all the time without any recognition

*and some men before I get slated

Mine is brilliant. He does more than his fair share of all the bog standard household childcare stuff but additional points for - I was upset that my strap broke on my favourite designer bag. Unbeknownst to me he went online, purchased an identical strap, took it to the cobbler's, had it repaired and left it hanging on the door after replacing all my items from my make-do bag. I picked it up in confusion and he sat there with a giant grin on his face.

Man behaves like completely normal human being, does the bare minimum expected of a parent and partner, is showered in praise and lorded as an incredible specimen worthy of admiration by all.

Woman goes above and beyond, has spinal curvature from carrying her entire family on her back, gets zero recognition or appreciation from said family, is criticised online for giving child Cheerios for breakfast.

More at 6.

People (not just men) get crucified for not doing things. It's rare that people are thanked or appreciation shown.

It's great to hear that there are good, decent people out there.