Shout out to my husband

[Lights22]

This isn't actually AIBU but given this is where most DH-bashing goes on I thought I'd add the thread here.

Last Christmas, whilst on mat leave, I had flu. And promptly gave it to baby and toddler at home with me. DH, without asking, took AL from this year's allocation to look after all three of us.

Yesterday, having already had an unpaid day off with baby (RSV this time) he then took a second day because, although it was supposed to be me and I was there, having been in ED all night I was in no fit state to parent.

He does the washing up every night.

He buys me chocolate on a bad day.

He gives me a lie-in most weekends as I'm up with baby most nights.

He's not perfect. He doesn't always get it right. But he does his best.

Your turn!!!!

😴

When I say thanks to dh for doing something for ds or around the house his response is always - sure why wouldn't I be doing this. You're totally right, but I do think it's nice sometimes to see and recognise that there are men out there who step up the way they should be.

I work with a lot of vulnerable young women and a lot of them don't believe they could ever find someone who is an equal partner and respects them. So I do think it's important to recognise that it happens because it helps other women realise that there's maybe better out there and its OK to demand equal accountability as the bare minimum.

DP does his fair share as standard, so I’m not going to specifically shout him out for that. But I’ve been really unwell for a good few weeks now and he has literally done everything and hasn’t complained even once. He gets up ridiculously early to go to work, is home before the school run, does all the cooking, food shopping, delegates the housework between himself and DCs and has been doing all the extra-curricular drop offs. He’s been insistent that I just rest. That deserves a shout out to me!

He sounds fantastic ❤️

My husband and I both do housework and take care of our child equally. We give each other lie ins. He does his share of the cooking and we take care of each other when ill. Last time our child was sick in the night we both flew out of bed at the same time to check on her and give cuddles.

Do we each get a medal or just him? 😆
I try not to think of myself as lucky because really, it's what should be the norm.

I hope he’s singing your praises, for doing completely normal things, on a forum somewhere OP.

The bar is really low if things like looking after his child and washing up are worthy of mentioning to others.

So many threads are about how bad men are - I just thought it was nice to see something positive for once

Do we each get a medal or just him?

Well, he does do it all whilst being attached to a penis sooo.....😬

My DH supports my sheep obsession. He supports me through my current health difficulties. And has put up with a lot I can’t even discuss on here for over 35 years.

@MarthaFokker

whats it got to do with you?

but to satisfy your nosiness, it was the first one I'd read that was negative & unnecessary.

So many threads are about how bad men are - I just thought it was nice to see something positive for once

I don’t think it is positive though is it, to praise men for just doing what they should do and what most women do without thinking every day. We’ll never normalise men being decent partners and fathers if they’re praised and made out to be hero’s for very basic things.

I appreciate DH but the things he does are just a fair share. Cooks about 50% of time, does all the shirts that need ironing (nothing else much is ironed), loads and dishwasher as it needs doing, we do a clean and tidy of the kitchen together for 10 minutes every night, we clean the bathrooms when we use them (eg as bath is filling, bathroom gets a clean), feeds the cats, cars are his thing, garden and cat litter trays are mine, makes DC breakfast, makes me a mug of tea every morning- he's a good tea maker- hoovers and dusts as required, does shopping. He's not much on DIY although FIL is teaching him. Gets up to DC if needed during the night about 50% of time, mainly him who puts them to bed. He will do anything DC related without any fuss- he's been out all day so far with them just pottering on bikes on seafront (I happened past them as I drove along the seafront and they were eating fish and chips at a table outside the chip shop 😁).

True

Bloody hell, people are so negative!

How many women post on here that they feel unappreciated? That they feel taken for granted? Looking after your kids and feeding them etc is what you should do as a bare minimum, but God, isn’t it nice for somebody to still say ‘thanks for doing that!’ or ‘I really appreciate you making such a nice meal’ even if it’s the same spag bol you’ve made hundreds of times?

Appreciating somebody for the little things they do day in, day out is not having a low bar - it’s just being nice and makes the mundanity of regular life a bit more pleasant. You’re supposed to love your spouse and sometimes that means telling them that you appreciate and love them for the Little Things.

Your spouse shouldn’t have to move mountains to get a ‘I appreciate that darling, thank you’. I’ve read posts on here before along the lines of ‘Why did you get up early to make your husband a packed lunch/why would you make his tea, hasn’t he got two arms of his own?/I’m not doing anything for my husband because he can technically do it himself’

Love isn’t always about technicalities and proving a point, we all need to feel appreciated sometimes and in my experience kindness breeds kindness.

Yes, it’s a partnership but it’s also supposed to be love.

Why shouldn’t they? In fact why shouldn’t everyone regardless of gender?

I’d be willing to bet that if you said ‘I really appreciate everything you do, we make a great team’ he wouldn’t find it patronising at all, everyone wants to hear that they’re appreciated even if it’s for the mundane everyday things.

It must be miserable when the bar you have to hit for a kind word is so high.

Isn’t it just.

In a world where we’re told to be kind, people are giving the OP shit for posting something nice about their partner.

Imagine being that much of a c-next-Tuesday where you feel the need to put someone down for saying something nice - the mind boggles

isn’t it nice for somebody to still say ‘thanks for doing that!’ or ‘I really appreciate you making such a nice meal’ even if it’s the same spag bol you’ve made hundreds of times?

Yes...you say it TO your partner. But to do a ‘shout out’ on a forum like he’s done something special Any looking after his child and washing up is a bit strange. And a bit depressing. It’s a low bar.

Gods sake, stop praising your DH for doing basic things. He does his share of house work in a house he lives in, and childcare for children he chose to have. Are our expectations that low.

Imagine being that much of a c-next-Tuesday where you feel the need to put someone down for saying something nice - the mind boggles

Imagine calling someone a cunt for having a different take on something on a forum. 🤨

I get that this is what people should expect, and that men doing half is how it should be, but also if we never talk about it, how do we encourage it and also make other women realise that not all men are allergic to sharing the load?

We can be glad of the things we have that are simply the things everyone should have.

My friend has a lovely DP of 7 years who basically does far more than she does about the house and is positive about her going out whilst he stays in with 10 year old a few nights a week (and it's not his child) There are men like this out there although I've never been in a marriage/relationship with them!!

My husband changed his flight home and spent an extra night in the city he was in for a work conference so that he could get to a pharmacy and buy me oestragel as there currently none available in the country we’re living in. ❤️

^ same
May sound mean spirited and DH would love a shout out lol, he's similar. Always done 50/50 , up for every breastfeed, does most night wakes and washes up etc. equal distribution
No shout out though because I think we reward competence as if it's absolutely fantastic. My standpoint is to expect competence!
I do all these things as well for reference, we Both work full time, I'm retraining via Masters etc. neither of us are perfect.

Exactly this.

I'm sure OP's DH is lovely & they are very happy.

But I find these posts nauseating, especially as there would never be an equivalent one where a man was posting about his spouse. The chocolate bit particularly gets me. Yes, it's thoughtful. But is it not the starting point for any respectful caring marriage, small gestures like making each other a cup of tea etc?