That MIL has bought DS an expensive Thomas the tank Train set after I told her we didn't want it?

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

She has wanted to buy him one for a while. I told her we would prefer Brio, or even a cheaper one that isn't branded.
This morning I got a delivery of a full train set and various trains and accesories.
He is delighted of course, and loves it but I am angry she has spent too much money and gone against our expressed wishes.

Am I just ungrateful?

tbh i really wouldn't mind anyone sending us gifts, next time drop more hints about what you would really like though

Thanks bootsmonkey. You have summed up every last one of my feelings about this.

Ah soapbox that is so touching

No problemo - it seems pretty clear cut to me...

So you would have accepted the bike? A large expensive object also but not the thomas set? So she can buy expensive gifts but only ones you like? That is BU

My parents and inlaws would give my kids stuff and I may not have liked them too much but a gift is a gift and I was always grateful. Now the in laws have passed away and every gift they gave, my kids remember and still have some f it in loft

I don't understand how you can still be angry about it. It's done now.

Your ds is clearly getting much pleasure from it, and if you try to see it rationally you'll see it is a totally appropriate (and fantastic) present for a little boy. It's not like she gave him some innappropriate dvds or a toy gun.

It just sounds like your pride has been knocked because she went against your wishes, but really you should just let it go.

Oh what a dreadful problem

put it on ebay if you're that bothered, at least she will learn her lesson on how ungrateful you are.

Needless to say YABVeryVeryU

The like a bikes are not so large, and it is a difrerent matter as we had told her we would like one of those.
We buy large things for them as and when we see fit and for large objects I believe it is our right to decide what our children have.

The easel I ordered is another contentious point as MIL wanted to get them a plastic one, But I ordered the one we wanted instead. She was really annoyed about it.

I understand you are annoyed.

It isn't really about a train table it is about her doing exactly what you said you didn't want and therefore riding roughshod all over your feelings.

In future don't discuss what you are thinking of getting for the children.

Or tell her the opposite of what you want and she might get what you actually wanted.

tbh you and your MIL sound as unreasonable over the gift issue as each other!

Why would she get annoyed that you didn't order the easle she wanted? It's for the children fgs

I think what the kids want and would enjoy is being rather overlooked by both of you in this battle.

so granny is allowed to spend money on bikes when it suits you but not on trainsets.you send her mixed messages YES when it suits you, NO when you are being difficult.this whole thread has been you incessantly whining and moaning about your MIL.i pity poor woman.

what does your husband think about this.you constantly moaning about his mum

FGS, give DWP a break!

As has been repeatedly stated throughout this thread, it's not so much that MIL has bought the gift, it's that she completely disregarded DWP's wishes.

Wouldn't that hack you off? I know it would me. Especially if it was something I'd been planning to buy for my own child and then been trumped by MIL with something not quite right.

As a matter of fact, I recall a thread where someone was complaining about their MIL taking their child over, that they had organised a day out on their birthday regardless of what the mother wanted. I don't recall any posts then saying 'oh, you selfish, spoilt princess, your MIL goes to all the trouble of arranging a lovely day out for your dc, how dare you complain?' - most people thought this was outrageous behaviour.

Same principle, imho.

I agree with NAB3, try not telling mil your plans, then she can't go against them. Be mysterious and smile a lot. That may change the dynamic in a good way.

I totally understand where you are coming from on this one, DWP. My MIL is a sweetie and I have no issues with her, but spent the whole of January in an irrational rage over her Xmas presents to DS.

I think it's part of the difficult MIL/DIL relationship, which is only made worse if there are other, deeper issues.

Permit me a Pollyanna moment, though. Did your MIL really do this deliberately to spite you, or is it possible she didn't really properly listen and didn't think? I'm a toy fascist myself and can't believe that other people in this world don't have detailed opinions on the subject, but I think there are plenty of people who just don't think it's that important. They are the kind that go into the toyshop and ask the assistant, or open their wallet for the thing in the window. And they honestly don't think it matters that it's not the one you wanted. They barely took in that there was a difference.

If OTOH your MIL is waging war, then that is really hard on you all, and the only thing you can do is be the bigger woman so that DS doesn't suffer. If you refuse to enter into the battle, your DS will eventually see it when he's old enough to understand it, even if, in the medium term he does exploit the situation to get annoying and overpriced crap out of grandma.

I know where you're coming from, DWP. I don't think you're ungrateful or spoiled. I think you have a right to ask your relations not to buy your children presents for no reason, and I know how annoying it can be when wishes are deliberately ignored to the point of rudeness. I know it's not the end of the world, I know it's not a big deal to a lot of people, but I agree that there is clearly something deeper here.

We live in a very small house. When my MIL asked what my DS would like for Christmas, we said please no stuffed toys (he ignores them and they gather loads of house dust) and please nothing too big.

You should have seen my husband's face on Christmas morning when confronted with his mother's gift - a three-foot-high stuffed penguin.

Did you suspect what it was before you opened it? I would have opened it without ds around and then put it aside to return later. Then I'd use the vouchers on a more appropriate gift for ds and whatever else we needed/fancied.

Have actually done this too! It was the TtTE play table etc which is as big as our dining table. Interestingly it has never been missed. I bought ds a James (and a couple of IKEA track sets) which he took out on a couple of occasions and that must have been enough to convince them I still had the whole shabang.

Never ever open parcels with the DCs.

Apart from this situation, picture special gift from DH and DS asking me, "What's this, Mummy? A rocket? For me?" Dearie me.

LOL at winky!

DWP - I agree with others. The best thing to do is not mention what you are thinking of buying. That will stop her being able to guzzump you.

And if she asks what you would like her to buy, if you can't say 'nothing, it would be better to spend time with him/put money in his child trust account' etc, then think of something and big it up that he would LURVE that. That way, you get to keep the real treats to yourself for birthdays and christmas etc

YABU

in fact my MIL isn't toooo bad, it is my side of the family that spoils

but I just hide excess toys away tbh

Krang - a perfect example how if a human is told NOT to do x, they will automatically do x!

Ha Ha thought someone would do this