That MIL has bought DS an expensive Thomas the tank Train set after I told her we didn't want it?

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

She has wanted to buy him one for a while. I told her we would prefer Brio, or even a cheaper one that isn't branded.
This morning I got a delivery of a full train set and various trains and accesories.
He is delighted of course, and loves it but I am angry she has spent too much money and gone against our expressed wishes.

Am I just ungrateful?

You are being a bit ungratful. My MIL alwatys spends far to much on our children but over the years I;ve just learnt to accept that is the way she is and if she wants to buy them stuff or give them money then it's up to her,

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You know - I think YABU. It gave her pleasure to buy it, and your son pleasure to receive it. If you want him to have something by Brio, or unbranded, by all means provide it. When he has friends to play its my guess they'll all love the Thomas set. Sheesh

being lazy to read the thread, but IMHO you are being v v unreasonable. In fact far too holier than thou IMHO

What is this about 'expressed wishes'? Can't you MIL just add to it if needs be.

To me, 'Thomas' stuff is scarcely a brand, it's been around so long it's almost generic, like Sooty & Sweep or Noddy. I bought a (small!) TTTE Brio set for a friend's grandchild, it never crossed my mind it was branding any more than a TTTE book would have been. We can of course have principles, but we can't demand that other people share them - much as I think everyone in the whole wide world should do the same as me, and boycott Nestle! What we can do with our principles is act on them, in this case by not giving the toy to the child.

haven't read all the thread but TBH it's your decision, you're his Mum you've expressed your wishes and she's undermined you so YANBU.

I'm not too keen on branded stuff but I've bought various In the Night Garden bits for dd18m and she's thrilled. I do draw the mine at disney tho, I just think it's horrible and tacky and until dd expresses a distinct desire for it we don't have it. We've made this clear to the relatives too. There's plenty of other stuff out there to buy.

I've said time and time again about the huge toy issue, we don't have the space and I don't want a house cluttered with tons of massive uneccessary toys. However MiL and BiL continue to turn up with great big itmes that she's not even interested in.

As for the nintendo ds thing. It's not "pretentious" to not want your dcs to have one, there's plenty of reasons why parents make this decision. I'd be absolutely fuming if someone undermined me and bought dd a games console. Gifts like that are to be bought either by the parents when they think it's suitable or in consultation with the parents.

I don't mean to be harsh but I think you are being unreasonable and need to remember that your son's toys are bought for him not you. My boys adore Thomas and would be beside themselves to have that table as I would. Not sure how keen they'd be on asthetically pleasing toys from Habitat. They would adore the plastic kitchen and rocking horse too.

I personally think your MIL has made some lovely choices. One day you'll be a grandmother and may want to bring a smile to your grandson's face. Not exactly a crime is it.

The Thomas table is a lovely toy (we've drooled over it several times), nice quality and I think any child receiving it should be allowed to enjoy it. We have Brio and Thomas and it's the Thomas stuff that is cherished. They love the characters and acting out story senarios. Other than their Big Green Loco the rest of the Brio stuff gets ignored. Pretty it may be but it is a tad dull compared with all that the Island of Sodor has to offer.

My lot never demand anything as they know they'd get short thrift so your fears of ds turning into a brand demander as a result of playing with said table are a little unfounded.

In a few years your sons toy years will be over so enjoy them and let him enjoy them while you both can.

I am thinking that all these people who aren't bothered about being given loads of toys have much bigger houses than me.

It's obvious this isn't about the train set, it's about the MIL overstepping boundaries.

I'm depressed by how thoroughly nasty some of the comments on here have been. The OP didn't come across as petulant to me, she came across as trying to explain her position. It just seemed that some people didn't really want to read and understand the explanations. I started out thinking "yes of course you are you mad bint" but having read the thread I don't think she is being. Some of you who don't have relatives in your life who constantly overstep normal boundaries and undermine you and depress you, with whom you have to put up, should count yourself lucky and be grateful you don't have the slightest idea what the OP is talking about instead of telling her she should be grateful for being constantly undermined and disrespected in her own home and family.

so the majority of posters are wrong then?you make it sound like OP is under siege terrorised by MIL(and yes this is not about the gift) it is deeper and most likely about control, battle of wills, supremacy, and how the innocuous act of giving a gift has been so misrepresented (and caused such hoo-haa)

what has bben forgotten in all this is the wee boy likes the gift

Totally agree Madame Platypus and Little Bella. I started a thread in a similar vein yesterday and encountered similar vitriol

(although I admit when I wrote OP I was stressed out and a little bit harsh )

well said little bella

It is very much about over stepping boundaries........

I hate that!

SM of course the wee boy likes the gift. That's why the MIL chose it. She's not going to undermine her position by choosing a gift he doesn't like, is she? I haven't forgotten that at all, but with respect, that's not what this thread is about. The MIL chose to send a gift the OP had clearly said she didn't want, without offering her any explanation about why she's sending it anyway. If it were a friend who had done it, wouldn't you think it was a little odd?

I think YAB(a little)U, but I can see your point as far as MIL issues go and appreciate that you are fragile atm (read some of your thread).

I guess what's done is done and your ds loves the toy. I think you'll mellow on the fact that it's Thomas when you see him enjoying it. All the wooden sets are compatible with that one, so no worries there, although I suspect he might want Thomas wooden trains from time to time which do cost the earth and from that pov I'm with you, but you just use that to teach him that he can't have what he wants all the time/money doesn't grow on trees iyswim etc.

He will outgrow this eventually and this kind of thing is highly saleable, so when he's a bit older and moved on to whatever comes next, then sell the table and put the money away for him.

Try not to dwell on the fact that MIL went against your wishes. It's not worth wasting your feelings/energy on and making yourself unhappy over. I know she spent too much money, but if she has it to spend, then let her spend it. I used to feel this way when dh's sister buys expensive gifts for the dc, but I just let her get on with it now (I have more important things to worry about and life's too short etc) and let the children enjoy spending her money. We can't afford to, but she can and it's a major treat for them when she takes them toy shopping. It's her way of treating them and she does love them enormously, but doesn't see them often, so spoils them a bit when she does.

At the end of the day, you are his mother, and he loves you unconditionally, which is miles better than being loved for buying big presents, which is how he might view MIL. The pleasure from gifts is short-term, but the unconditional love between you and ds is life-long and can't be bought. Worth more than any train set or other expensive gift imo.

completely agree this thread is not about the gift - essentially conflict between both women.and no i did not interpret it in such Machiavellian terms and purposeful undermining of OP

DWP, when dd was very little, my MIL was very very keen to buy stuff, so she'd phone, ask if we wanted x, we'd so, oh that's very kind, but no thanks, for various reasons, or yes to some. And then she'd just get the stuff (like a bouncy chair) we said we didn't want. In her case I don't think it was malevolent, she just couldn't stop herself, but it was bloody annoying. However, I think this is probably pick-your-battles time - if you have the space for it, then bite your tongue on this one, and perhaps mention in passing that you're running out of room for all the toys, and are going to have to do some serious Sorting Out soon...

Believe me I have the most bossy undermining mil on the planet who always does what she wants to do regardless of anybody else but I've learnt to step away from it re the grandchildren. We've had singing donkeys x 3, excrutiatingly noisy RC bumper cars, an impossible to put up teepee to name but a few

Grandparents aren't around for ever, they love their grandchildren and just want to make them happy . To step between such a bond is wrong IMHO.The op's mil bought a toy that she thought her grandson would love not her daughter in law, it was for him not her. From the sound of it she was spot on-he loved it.

I live in a tiny house, we store some toys in the loft and rotate they enjoy them more that way anyway. If we were lucky enough to be given a Thomas table we'd accomodate it however we could- even if it was used as a sometimes coffee table

DevilWearsPrimark - im signing off now.please don't let all this stuff with your MIL eat away and become toxic for you.As your child's mums you are his world.long after toys etc are discarded he will always love his mummy. Love is not a commercial consumer durable, and cant be replaced by huge gifts. frankly flame throwing snake charming jugglers could dance around your house, as entertaining as this is (god even i fancy it)it is transient fun.

okay so you and MIL have issues/a vibe

but nonetheless she is his granny. you need to be the adult, suspend your niggles and allow her to be indulgent and love him.

hell it is not all the time, smile graciously. there are bigger things to get in a fankle about

Re the rocking horse thing - my father bought one for DD for her first christmas when we were living in a London town house, with rooms which were not terribly big. I was upset on a few fronts - it was ostentatious for a tiny child, it took up a lot of room, it cost several hundred pounds, it wouldn't be properly used for a few years yada, yada, yada. He wanted to get it, so did!

6 months later he was dead!

The rocking horse now, is far from an encumbrance - it is a representation of his love and hopes for his first grandchild and although our children have long outgrown it, we cannot bear to get rid of it

Soapbox

I can see that you are upset that your MIL has bought this - but would you have been happy if she'd bought the cheaper version you wanted? I have to admit, when my DS was of the age he played with wooden railways, I would have killed for that set, and I would have loved the table, as I was constantly finding brio etc in places I didn't want it to be (behind the sofa/under the sofa etc). The set you have is compatible with Tesco/IKEA/BRIO etc, and so you can save that way when you need to buy the bridges etc. It is also a useful toy, that keeps them absorbed for hours, and learning spatial skills, engineering principles, numbers and colours, and the consequences of not changing the points at the right time!

Re: the linked merchandising, you just say no..it works, and they then start crazing you for the next thing.

My DS loved his brio/wooden railway etc, and when asked if he wanted to sell it at 10, said he wanted to keep it for his own kids one day. Some is here in Belgium with us, and a monster amount is at my MILs who is storing it for us whilst we are abroad.

It could be worse...it could be Warhammer! If I find another Orc with a spear on the sofa when I sit down, it could just be fatal battle damage....!

Having been guilty of this myself I can say that sometimes everything my MIL does annoys me...but sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and look at the bigger picture.

1. In the scheme of things in life, the fact that he has a branded trainset is not really that important.

1. She got great pleasure from giving it to him.

1. He will have hours...and hours...and hours of fun playing with it.

1. When he has finished with it you can ebay it and put the cash in his piggy bank.

1. If she is doing it to annoy you and you DONT react then she has wasted her time!!

Before you know it you will be watching you DC acting out Thomas episodes on his track and going ahhh!

I do not think you are being unreasonable for several reasons.

1. She has ignored you and gone ahead and done what she wanted, even though you had told her of your plans for a trains set/table.

1. It is a huge piece of furniture to fit into most houses.

1. Of course your DS loves it. But he would almost certainly have been equally happy with the train set you had your eye on, that could be packed away when not in use.

1. He has no affiliation to Thomas, so why introduce it - I TOTALLY get that one.

And what I consider to be the most important from my point of view:

1. This is an incredibly expensive gift bought on a whim by MIL. It was not a birthday/christmas present. I am totally for teaching kids the value of things and that expensive toys should be earned/worked for/saved up for or have a good reason behind them like Christmas/birthday. When DS is a bit bigger and you are fighting the battle to keep playstations/Nike trainers/whatever out of the house, what is to stop him just saying "Fine, I'll go ask Grandma".... The worry is that if he can't get it from you, he will know that he can just go up the family tree which will undermine your authority in so many ways...

Perhaps I am extrapolating slightly, but I think many people on this thread have wantonly missed the point and I am sorry that you have had to put up with some of the less gracious posts...

tdwp why did you give it to your dc? you could of sent it back

or did she give it directly to them ?

She is forever sending us parcels. When this arrived I assumed it was an easel and chair I ordered on friday. I did not expect this. DS loves opening boxes, so was helping me.

DH is rather happy with it though and they had fun playing with it last night. I am still angry about it, but there is no point arguing with her or DH over it.