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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That MIL has bought DS an expensive Thomas the tank Train set after I told her we didn't want it?

316 replies

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 10/03/2008 14:36

She has wanted to buy him one for a while. I told her we would prefer Brio, or even a cheaper one that isn't branded.
This morning I got a delivery of a full train set and various trains and accesories.
He is delighted of course, and loves it but I am angry she has spent too much money and gone against our expressed wishes.

Am I just ungrateful?

OP posts:
soapbox · 10/03/2008 18:22

I thought that the Thomas Trains were Brio - just a character version of the same stuff?

The trains themselves are a themed, but most of the other stuff, tracks, bridges etc are identical.

I would also add that Thomas themed stuff is in no way the same as other character things, as they are classics - a better class of character if you will

More to the point, how on earth can anyone have a boy who doesn't adore Thomas? My DCs both learned to count and identify their numbers from Thomas, at a very early age! In fact I would put their prowess at maths down to their Thomas inspired, early love of numbers!

The table thing is a bit ugly granted, but the trainset will last him years and years!

Kathyis6incheshigh · 10/03/2008 18:29

TheDevil, are you annoyed because:

a. you think she did it to annoy you?
b. you don't think it was malicious but feel like she never listens?
c. it is really big and will prevent you having room for something else?
d. you are short of money and upset that it means your ds can't have something he really needs?
e. you are very houseproud and use your home to express your identity and up to now have managed to make it all the way you wanted?

I am just struggling to work out why you are quite so upset by this present - granted, it is a pain, but we all get stuff we don't want from grandparents all the time and normally it gets laughed off.

marina · 10/03/2008 18:29

We are showing the age of our children Soapy. The Thomas/Brio range is no longer made, I believe. Something to do with Britt Allcroft's insane original views on product licensing...?

edam · 10/03/2008 18:29

Soapbox, I helped my team to victory in the PTA quiz by knowing the answer to: 'if Edward is X and James is Y and Henry is Z, what is Thomas". Not that I can remember all the numbers now...

TDWP, sorry, I'm with dh! Looks like the Thomas stuff your MIL gave ds is wooden and compatible with Brio/own brand stuff. So I think YABU except that I can understand straw/camel's back/control are the issues here.

dejags · 10/03/2008 18:31

If you really can't abide the present that much, package it up and send it to my DS. He'd be thrilled!

Seriously though, I am of the old school. Gifts should be given and received spontaineously. You can't dictate what specific brand somebody should buy for your child.

Therefore, I think, YABU.

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 10/03/2008 18:34

Edam yes it is part of a bigger picture and perhaps you ae right.
Whatever, we have it now

OP posts:
marina · 10/03/2008 18:34

No, I'm wrong , I see it is the Brio compatible range after all
I think SirDigby is right. To buy something that expensive after being asked not to, seems pointed to me.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/03/2008 18:40

MIL offers to buy train set and presumably discusses it with DIL.

Dil mentions how she would love a wooden one but not anything too expensive and they would like to be able to add to it.

MIL buys something huge, very expensive and DIL is upset as she feels MIL disrespects her as she has gone against her wishes.

TidyTink · 10/03/2008 18:44

you are being very unreasonable!! how ungreatful are you!!

It is up to your MIL to decide what to buy, she is paying for it, some people dont have the luxury of such gifts

MadamePlatypus · 10/03/2008 18:51

Don't think you are being unreasonable.

If somebody bought that set for us we would have no option but to return it as we wouldn't have room for the table. I think parents have a right to have input in 'big ticket' purchases.

mumofdjandp · 10/03/2008 18:54

I think your MIL is saying sod you TDWP basically if I want to buy this train set Ill buy it........

and get it sent to you.......

and not tell youm its coming......

nice (NOT).

You are the childrens mother and she basically bypassed YOUR wishes to do what SHE wanted.

Its the principle isnt it that she didnt take heed of your wishes.

Chequers · 10/03/2008 18:54

Message withdrawn

mumofdjandp · 10/03/2008 18:55

totally disagree with TidyTink (sorry but think she has missed the point)

MadamePlatypus · 10/03/2008 18:56

Just looked at price. £220 without consulting you first!

I thought my MIL bought extravagent gifts, but she is obviously just an amateur!

mumofdjandp · 10/03/2008 18:56

ps, or is this me projecting my life and feelings onto you TDWP

pps, do you get on with your MIL is she a sweet old thing or a bit of a case?

TheMadHouse · 10/03/2008 18:59

TDWP - I think the train set is charming and will fit with all the unbraded stuff. We have tesco stuff.

In your OP you never mentioned the table at all. I have to admit we have a train table bought by the IL's but it has been a godsend, not making and taking down track all the time.

I have learned that when it comes to gifts from MIL or Mum that I need to let them get on with it - it is their money and they choose how to spend it. I have removed things and kept them for when they have been good.

explain the table is inappropriate and that you require one for crafts too and that you intend to exchange it.

Re the rocking horse - e have one too in the loft. I am going to sell it, but will clear it with MIL first. She will learn. She bought a furby horse 2 christmas' ago for my 4 year old neice. more money than sence.

I think you need to learn which battles will win you the war. Youe children will adore her and you dont want to ruin that relationship they have with her - or do you?

Buda · 10/03/2008 19:41

I do know where you are coming from TDWP - really I do. MY MIL is great but she still buys DS stuff that is unsuitable or huge. And is then surprised when we can't carry a huge pirate ship back to Hungary from UK!!

soapbox - my DS was never that into Thomas tbh. MIL (!) bought him a couple of trains and he had a couple of books but he never got that into it really. Different strokes!

MotherFunk · 10/03/2008 19:49

Message withdrawn

TidyTink · 10/03/2008 19:55

Im not missing the point mumofdjandp i just think there are far more important things in this world to be pd off about dont you!!??

Its a train set, does it matter what make it is? no it really doesnt, my DD gets gifts for xmas/birthdays that im not particularly keen on but im just greatful that someone has gone to the effort to but them in the first place

Vulgar · 10/03/2008 19:59

I feel sorry for your kids, i really do. i'm sorry if that sounds harsh but I really think you should forget it and move on.

my Ds would have loved that playtable and I could have never afforded to buy him one ever.

morningpaper · 10/03/2008 20:05

I did lol at:
"My ILs just sent a Winnie the Pooh jumpsuit for my baby. I hate everything Disney but just rolled my eyes and chucked it on the pile for a day when she has explosive diarrhea."

We have rocking horse too - I've put it in the garden and said "Ooh they can play with it outside!" and hopefully the rain will melt it after a couple of years...

FluffyMummy123 · 10/03/2008 20:17

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 10/03/2008 20:18

Message withdrawn

themildmanneredjanitor · 10/03/2008 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vulgar · 10/03/2008 20:30

Good on yer mum icod.

I'm all for a bit of taste sabatage, me!