To think class rep is being homophobic?

[fuckedoffandworried]

DC has just started school. Another child in the class has two mums, I’ll call them A and B. We have a class rep who volunteered earlier in the term and collected contact numbers for the other class parents for a WhatsApp group, which is mostly the mums but a few dads too. A and B both do the school run, it’s probably A most days but B is there at least once a week. A and B are both in the WhatsApp group and both reply to messages pretty equally. The class rep is organising two social events and posted about them in the WhatsApp group last week. One for the mums and one for the dads. Most of the dads aren’t in the WhatsApp group, so the class rep asked in there for mums to send over contact numbers for their partners or kids dads so that the dads evening could be organised. A few of the kids in DCs class have divorced parents, so I think the idea is so both parents can be involved with other class parents. The class rep has made a separate WhatsApp group for the mums event and her DH has made one for the dads. They put A in the mums group for the mums event and B in the dads group for the dads event.

B asked if this was a mistake in the main WhatsApp group, and the class rep has come back saying that it’s not a mistake, it’s because she and some of the other mums have agreed it wouldn’t be fair for her and A to both come to the mums event. Most of the mums don’t know each other very well, and they want everyone to be in the same boat and mix with each other. They’re saying no bringing your partner to either the mums or the dads event, so A can’t bring B. The class rep has said she’s put A in the mums group and B in the dads group because she thought B would fit in better with the dads than A. A and B have both said they won’t be going.

AIBU to think this is homophobia and let the class teacher know?

Cool. I’m just saying that in my entire teaching career working across multiple schools I’ve never seen, nor heard of this happening. I didn’t say it doesn’t happen, and clearly it does as is stated on this thread . Any school I’ve worked at has set clear boundaries for class reps to avoid nonsense like this happening.

Most class reps don’t behave like this, because they have a degree of cop on.

And I’m just explaining why I don’t think a Class Rep being asked to arrange social activities, among the parents, is unimaginable (or even unlikely).

I do get the sense that it’s a practice that has become more common in recent years, now that the majority of parents use (or are at least able to use) instant messaging platforms.

You’re right - it’s not unimaginable at all, @Newsername1

And that just proves my point. The post you quoted has nothing to go whatsoever with the comments you made. I’m stepping away from you now. Our interaction are clearly not helping you.

i can spend time defending myself wherever I like, especially from what is now basically bullying. The double standards from pseudo liberals never ceases to amaze/amuse me. Guess people only like people to agree with them.

What I find interesting is the twisting of my words. “Mums groups” is clearly in the context of school mums and dads groups.

But crack on with trying to ostracise a woman encouraging looking at different perspectives I’m just not comfortable in a world of right think.

How do you know that 3-4 of the women haven’t approached the class rep and asked for no couples?

I have said earlier this could have been handled better by speaking to the couple and explaining. Maybe they could take in in turns to attend etc.

ive said it would have been better to just have a parents event - if people had issues they could alternate with the other parent. Why split the groups into sexes anyway.

But unfortunately these points don’t tie up with the narrative people are painting about me. This completely illustrates my point. Agree with everything like a nodding dog or get ostracised. It’s like being back in the school yard.

People through around labels hoping they will stick to get people to shut up. It’s interesting - all I ever said is I could see where the class rep was coming from, although it could have been handled better.

I would say the behaviour of certain posters on here is basically bullying with the intention to ostracise me. Their behaviour is not better than the class rep.

🎻

People disagreeing with you is not bullying, for heaven’s sake.

And if multiple people are disagreeing with you, a bit of self-reflection might be in order.

You seem to want to disagree with everyone - but don’t like it when people disagree with you. Go figure.

I would say the behaviour of certain posters on here is basically bullying with the intention to ostracise me. Their behaviour is not better than the class rep.

so you actually agree that the class rep is basically bullying A & B with the intention of ostracising them.

People have based their opinion on the situation on the comprehensive information given by the OP. They haven't made up scenarios to fit a narrative. That isn't being a "nodding dog".

How do you know that 3-4 of the women haven’t approached the class rep and asked for no couples?

So what if they have? It doesn't meant the rep has to comply, particularly bearing in mind that in the context of groups separated by sex that would mean only homosexual couples would be affected.

I have said earlier this could have been handled better by speaking to the couple and explaining. Maybe they could take in in turns to attend etc.

Why should they take it in turns when no other parents have to?

People through around labels hoping they will stick to get people to shut up. It’s interesting - all I ever said is I could see where the class rep was coming from, although it could have been handled better.

You've never managed to produce a remotely credible alternative to homophobia for where she is "coming from".

I would say the behaviour of certain posters on here is basically bullying with the intention to ostracise me. Their behaviour is not better than the class rep

Disagreeing with you and challenging your opinions is not bullying. Although it's interesting that you feel that ostracising is bullying, given that that is what the rep is doing to B.

Incredibly crass, stupid and homophobic all in one go!
I do hope other parents in the group point this out and either boycott the event or leave the group. Shocking!!!

@Maatandosiris

I have said earlier this could have been handled better by speaking to the couple and explaining. Maybe they could take in in turns to attend etc.

Why should they? Can you actually give one good reason?

And further to that- if we are to believe that the majority of the group asked the class rep to separate the groups like that because they are all divorced and can’t be in the same room as each other- WHY CANT THEY TAKE TURNS TO GO?

Why is the logical conclusion that the gay couple should be treated less favourably in order to make divorced straight couples more comfortable?!

And why- if this was all a misunderstanding by a class rep who didn’t realise what she was doing is homophobia, and didn’t intend to upset anyone- has she dug her heels in and insisted that the lesbian couple be treated differently to the straight couples? when she has been told that it is discriminatory and it has seriously upset the lesbian couple and several others?

So from what perspective is it okay to not want to let your child go to a playdate at a same-sex couples house? Or to ask someone if they're raising their child to be gay?

Well we don’t know that’s the reason the play date was cancelled. I never said that question was ok. I merely pointed out it is possibly from a place of ignorance rather than hatred.

I wish people would actually read my posts rather than some kind of mob mentality taking over which appears to have happened here.

Just step back and think about it, really think about why I might be drawing comparisons between certain posters behaviour on here and that of the class rep. It’s interesting people can't see their reactions in that light (I’m very aware of mine).

re the separate sex groups. I have repeatedly said that the groups shouldn’t have been split according to sex, then this issue wouldn’t have arisen. What is the need to do that?

As a lesbian mum with a school aged child, I can absolutely believe it.

Whats more, there have been posters on this thread who don’t see a problem with the reps attitude, or don’t think it’s homophobia, or think it’s excusable because the rep might be confused- surely that tells you that people do think and behave like that?

@Maatandosiris
I can see the need to have split groups (because in a couple who both live with their child, it's awkward for both to go out for an evening the same day).
And given there will be separate events, I can see the need to split by sex because statistically speaking mums will make more of an effort to go out with other parents and if there isn't a specific event for dads, dads will say to themselves "that's women's business, getting to know other parents, not for me" but if it's for dads specifically then they can't argue "that's women's work".

Having said all that it should be obvious that both mums should be in the mums group (because it's for women) and they can work out their own babysitting.

Yes I can absolutely believe that people can be ignorant and extremely homophobic - I can see it in this thread. I just can’t believe it is sanctioned by the school with no apparent rules to prevent this rubbish from happening!

Yes I'm sure it's a coincidence that the woman who made homophobic comments suddenly decided to cancel the playdate on finding out the child has two mothers.

The lack of irony to your posts is truly wonderful. 😂

People are reading exactly what you’re saying.

You’re very much coming across as a homophobia apologist (to put it lightly) to more than a few of us.

Maybe that’s not your intention. But with every silly excuse you come up with for this class rep’s behaviour, and every time you reiterate that you can see where they are coming from, the more you sound like an apologist.

You are dead set on defending the class rep, returning to the thread repeatedly to do so. On the flip side, you are completely unwilling to take what the OP says at face value. Even accusing her of wanting to be the class rep. Why you’re desperate to give one party the benefit of the doubt, but utterly unwilling to give the other is a mystery known only to you.

Yiur words are there in black and white. We’re reading and comprehending them just fine.

Ah so I’m just supposed to sit here and take shit! I see!!! Point to a single time I have defended the class rep - I have just stated possible reasons she may have acted in this way.

point to a single homophobic thing I’ve said.

I have said how this situation should have been handled better.

you know what I will keep returning - because I will always stand up to bullying.

people on this thread seem to have no problem with harassing and bullying others somehow maintaining their #bekind fake facade.

The activity on this thread has been abhorrent.

no doubt you’re reading your narrative into everything I say. But you’re wrong, you have absolutely no idea how wrong you are!