To think class rep is being homophobic?

[fuckedoffandworried]

DC has just started school. Another child in the class has two mums, I’ll call them A and B. We have a class rep who volunteered earlier in the term and collected contact numbers for the other class parents for a WhatsApp group, which is mostly the mums but a few dads too. A and B both do the school run, it’s probably A most days but B is there at least once a week. A and B are both in the WhatsApp group and both reply to messages pretty equally. The class rep is organising two social events and posted about them in the WhatsApp group last week. One for the mums and one for the dads. Most of the dads aren’t in the WhatsApp group, so the class rep asked in there for mums to send over contact numbers for their partners or kids dads so that the dads evening could be organised. A few of the kids in DCs class have divorced parents, so I think the idea is so both parents can be involved with other class parents. The class rep has made a separate WhatsApp group for the mums event and her DH has made one for the dads. They put A in the mums group for the mums event and B in the dads group for the dads event.

B asked if this was a mistake in the main WhatsApp group, and the class rep has come back saying that it’s not a mistake, it’s because she and some of the other mums have agreed it wouldn’t be fair for her and A to both come to the mums event. Most of the mums don’t know each other very well, and they want everyone to be in the same boat and mix with each other. They’re saying no bringing your partner to either the mums or the dads event, so A can’t bring B. The class rep has said she’s put A in the mums group and B in the dads group because she thought B would fit in better with the dads than A. A and B have both said they won’t be going.

AIBU to think this is homophobia and let the class teacher know?

Ah ok, we are literally talking magicians, sorcery (witches and wizards). etc.
Didn't see the original post though.

What is a wrap room @T1Dmama?

I have googled it and am coming up with nothing that would be a suitable mother's day gift.

‘Class rep’ in the U.K. tends to be about attending PTA meetings and organising cake sales and other fund raising.

PTAs are separate to the school.

Please show me where I’ve been homophobic!

Yes that’s correct. It was clear in the original post but appreciate you didn’t see it.

You argued that the class rep was not being homophobic…

@Maatandosiris you need to read the OPs update. The class rep is clearly homophobic.

Tbh given that there's so many parents who aren't standing up for A&B, I'd be tempted to move my own child to a different school if I could. How are there so many bigots at your school? I know you, or A&B, shouldn't have to move your kids as it's the rep and the friends who are in the wrong, but I'd be worried about my own children mixing with parents like that.

I would like to hear the class reps version of events here. We are only hearing one side. It might be telling that the majority are keeping out of this. What I’ve been trying to do is show there might be another version of events here.

There is no version in which the class rep is not homophobic. That is absolutely clear from the OP's update.

Tbh it sounds like the class rep is coming from a place of ignorance. We’ve seen on this thread that people can inadvertently say things and cause offence to group of people. We are hearing this third hand through someone who was offended.

From the OPs update it sounds like the class rep is actually trying to do things and ask question, they’re just very misinformed. I do think the OP is probably making things worse.

This could have been handled so much better. It’s clear to me that the class rep is not going out of their way to do anything hurtful. They are just trying to balance lots of competing needs and wishes.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a duck.

Apparently they got on well with her until B invited her child over for a play date, the class rep accepted and arranged it but cancelled a few days beforehand after she realised A and B were both their child’s mums. She’d thought one was a nanny.

And who stated this was the reason? 🙄

B. Plus all the other things that have been said which you try to justify as "trying to do things and ask question". On what planet is "are you raising your child to be gay" and "which one of them is the man in the relationship" not homophobic? I mean, come on!

You are defending very clear homophobia. I can't imagine why.

Edit to add: I wonder if the person who made the now deleted comment about something you said was just "trying to do things and ask a question" rather than being deliberately rude.

I have a gay relative happily married so I'm invested in anything remotely homophobic. This class rep is blatantly homophobic also given the fact she refused her child's party invitation when she discovered the child had 2 mums. I wouldn't attend this event due to this plus the fact I've no time for people who use their power in whatever respect to split people up according to gender.

OP,
after reading all your posts, this class rep does sound homophobic.

Having been a class rep in the past, I would have never done this as it's very rude to stick one mum in a Dads whatsapp group and use 'not wanting single parents to feel uncomfortable' as a reason to justify making a gay couple uncomfortable. Stating that mum B will fit in better with that Dad's group - that's really insulting.

It's extremely unlikely that the school or the PFA have asked the rep to have two seperate whatsapp groups and there must only be one parent in each, so this has come from the class rep.
The school expect the reps to communicate anything relating to summer and xmas fairs or any other PFA fundraising activities held on school grounds (e.g. school quiz / bingo evening).
The school are not bothered about class reps setting up social activities for parents, however, class reps do seem to also organise social activities outside of school anyway.
In my experience, when parents are experiencing bullying, there will be a few who support the bullied parent(s) - however, the majority will stay out of it for various reasons. Well done for supporting this couple. I'm sure they will feel a little less isolated after your message.

Having searched the deleted comment - it wasn't asking any question. It quoted a phrase about my identity with laughing emojis (which presumably MN thought breached guidelines) as far as I can tell all posts asking me questions are still there.

I don’t take offence at questions.

Did the class rep state she was cancelling the play date because the mums were gay? How do we know something didn’t come up? The kids didn’t like each other.

The questions sound like something I can imagine being asked in a small town, or where people hadn’t met gay couples before.

I just think there’s a lot of assumptions on here. Are people now only listening to one side, rather than considering other perspectives? It’s a dangerous position to take. All stories have at least two sides.

Oh well, you should be happy then.

Come off it. The rep decided that it was OK to ban a mother from the mother's group solely because she's gay. She doubled down on that when challenged with the facts being pointed out, so you can't claim that this was solely down to ignorance. There is simply no logic in the excuses about competing needs and wishes, for the reasons that have already been pointed out on this thread.

How exactly do you claim anything that OP has done is making things worse?

I assume that’s aimed at me!! MN removed the post- not me! Go on, point to one thing I’ve said which is homophobic. If you can’t, I’ll just assume that you just throw around comments and are part of the problem which makes life difficult for people actually facing prejudice.

It's the nature of MN that you can only ever comment on one side of the story. You have to work on the basis that the OP's version of events is correct unless you can see clear evidence indicating otherwise. You have to bear in mind that, if an OP is asking for advice or help, they probably are giving a truthful account because otherwise the advice/help won't be much use.

If you don't like that, social media platforms are probably not for you.