To think class rep is being homophobic?

[fuckedoffandworried]

DC has just started school. Another child in the class has two mums, I’ll call them A and B. We have a class rep who volunteered earlier in the term and collected contact numbers for the other class parents for a WhatsApp group, which is mostly the mums but a few dads too. A and B both do the school run, it’s probably A most days but B is there at least once a week. A and B are both in the WhatsApp group and both reply to messages pretty equally. The class rep is organising two social events and posted about them in the WhatsApp group last week. One for the mums and one for the dads. Most of the dads aren’t in the WhatsApp group, so the class rep asked in there for mums to send over contact numbers for their partners or kids dads so that the dads evening could be organised. A few of the kids in DCs class have divorced parents, so I think the idea is so both parents can be involved with other class parents. The class rep has made a separate WhatsApp group for the mums event and her DH has made one for the dads. They put A in the mums group for the mums event and B in the dads group for the dads event.

B asked if this was a mistake in the main WhatsApp group, and the class rep has come back saying that it’s not a mistake, it’s because she and some of the other mums have agreed it wouldn’t be fair for her and A to both come to the mums event. Most of the mums don’t know each other very well, and they want everyone to be in the same boat and mix with each other. They’re saying no bringing your partner to either the mums or the dads event, so A can’t bring B. The class rep has said she’s put A in the mums group and B in the dads group because she thought B would fit in better with the dads than A. A and B have both said they won’t be going.

AIBU to think this is homophobia and let the class teacher know?

And it is the nature of a balanced argument to consider all possible sides. This usually means having the ability to understand different perspectives. Anyone who can’t do that really shouldn’t be partaking in discussions especially where one side is absent.

The very fact that you consider it isn't evidence of homophobia to exclude one mother from a mother's group because that mother is gay demonstrates your homophobia, unfortunately.

You (to quote you) ‘fucking hate mum groups’.

MN is the biggest ‘mum group’ going….

That last bit Class re thought B would fit in better with the dads than A

Wow. This had me put my hand over my mouth in shock.....
I mean I get where she's coming from (or trying to come from) as many female couples do have one of them who is a little more.........how can I put this kindly....a touch more on the masculine side.... But to presume that that means she will "fit in better with the dads" is just wrong.

The class rep is being passive aggressive and is ding this PURPOSELY to get at/offend the couple

The trouble is, you haven't really given a different perspective. All you've said is that the class rep might have somehow excluded the gay mother in a gay relationship from the mother's group through ignorance rather than homophobia, despite the fact that the rep herself has said that it is because B and her partner are in a relationship. You haven't explained how that is remotely possible. That just is't an argument.

This

Unfortunately (for you) it doesn’t. It is perfectly possible that there were other reasons. Where have I said it’s ok to exclude someone because of their sexuality- no where. That’s because I don’t believe that it is.

No point me to where I have been homophobic or retract your comment and apologise.

So do reveal exactly what you think the rep's other reasons were, and why it was that the reason she gave was an inherently homophobic one rather than whatever you think it might have been? Also why it wasn't homophobic to dig her heels in even when the inherent homophobia had been pointed out to her, given that excuses she produced just don't hold water? ?

You have persistently defended plain and obvious homophobia (homophobia which has been plain and obvious to the actual victims of it).

And maybe you should be more careful about the assumptions you make too.

You've missed the fact that the teacher appointed the class rep. It's simply not open to the school to say this is outside their remit. Worst case scenario, they are the ones being sued for discrimination if they condoned this and the parents in question decided to take it further. I can't see Ofsted being too impressed, either, if it was on record that they couldn't be bothered to do anything about discrimination.

Sorry, I should have clarified that that was addressed to @Maatandosiris

So giving a possible alternative narrative isn’t that the class rep isn’t intentionally being homophobic, that they might be trying to balance different requests, that they made a decision out of ignorance rather than malice is the same narrative the OP is putting forward. I guess that’s also exactly what you think then?

How could someone be ignorant of how to be inclusive toward gay couples whilst balancing lots of other requests? Maybe simply because they’re lack of experience of such situations. Maybe gay couples they do know would like their suggestion? - as I said. I’d probably rather be with the men’s group. Most of my friends are men.

It’s not on BUT it’s got absolutely nothing to do with the class teacher.

Are they raising the child to be gay?
Did they deliberately pick a gay name?

Jeeeeeesus!!

Do these people reside in 1945, OP?!!

Except it really depends who’s idea it was to organize a social night out? I have worked as a teacher for years, we always have class reps. The job of the class rep is to deal with in school situations, no school I have ever worked at has requested or instructed the class rep to organize a social event for parents. I highly doubt that they would either but I’m happy to stand corrected. If the class rep themselves decided to organize this, it is very much outside the remit of the school to deal with any falling out that has happened as a result.

Interesting that there was no ‘other narrative’ when someone used the word coven.

Fucking hell. 😬

There probably was, but no one raised it. I could probably construct one if needed but thought I’d give others the opportunity- no one tried- That’s not my fault.

so what’s your alternative narrative on someone calling a collection of women banding together (in the poster eyes) to do harm being called a coven?

Well, I’m sure the pp who used the word ‘coven’ wasn’t DELIBERATELY trying to be offensive to witches. But you jumped and took immediate offence, and weren’t willing to give her anywhere near the benefit of the doubt you‘re heaping on this class rep.

I don’t think it’s uncommon for Class Reps to be tasked with organizing social events for the parents (it seems to pop up as being one of their typical duties in google searches). No doubt the role varies between schools/PTAs though.

It’s entirely normal for schools to ask for volunteers to be class reps who will then (among other things, but to be honest, primarily) organise social events for parents.

@Maatandosiris

@RampantIvy and @Tinysoxxx already
did, but you decided to just be sarcastic instead of having the discussion you apparently want 🤷‍♀️

😂😂😂

It’s interesting that’s your perspective! I seem to recall acknowledging how easy it was to inadvertently offend someone.

i mean, was I offended or not? Was I not offended personally , but thought others might be? Was I purposely reflecting the position of the OP. Who knows? It might even be a mixture of these positions. You see very few things in life are black and white, even though most people would like them to be..