SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

[HamBone]

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

I would just go and pick something off the menu. eating in restaurants with family is more about spending time with family rather then the food really anyway

Why don't you just have a conversation with her 🤷🏼‍♀️

So all 12 dishes have beans and aubergine?? No starters? No sides?

Post the menu!

If anyone has preferences then on MN that's deemed to be 'fussy'!22

You know people are going to keep asking to see the menu before they will believe it's that limited. Why are you being so coy about sharing it?

You need to use your words, OP.

Just say you're not anti the idea of going to a restaurant but you've looked at the menu for this particular restaurant and it is very limited and full of things you don't eat. Suggest the family chooses another restaurant which caters for everyone's tastes and that SIL tries this particular restaurant another time.

Post the menu please!!

I am sure that you could ask for 'no aubergine' or whatever.

Why are people insisting the OP shares the menu? It won’t alter the fact that there’s nothing on it she likes!

I’d just message and say “Hi SIL, it’s a lovely idea to get together for thanksgiving but the menu for X restaurant doesn’t really include anything me and son would eat. Am happy to suggest some alternatives unless there’s anywhere else you have in mind? Sorry for being awkward, looking forward to catching up in a few weeks”

I’d go and have the opportunity to try meals you wouldn’t normally have. You mention the menu not including chicken, would you want to eat something you can every day when you’re out for a special meal?

Post the menu.
Your description of the situation will have already outed you to your sil if she's on here. There's no reason to not post the menu.

Is there a possibility that they may have a special or fish of the day that would be acceptable to you and DS? Might they even be doing Thanksgiving dinner?

If we see the menu we can suggest a dish that OP could ask to modify to her taste.

If you don't eat seasoned food, you are picky.

However, surly you could just call the restaurant, explain you only eat plain food and see if there's anything they can do

Because without the menu we can't decide how unreasonable she is vs the SIL.

If the menu is

Beans
Beans & aubergine
Beans, aubergine & beans
Beans, aubergine, aubergine & beans
...

Then the OP is definitely NBU.

I'm not sure why people are asking the OP to post the menu.

I assume she doesn't want to post it because linking to the restaurant may narrow down where she lives quite precisely.

Can we not assume that if the OP has looked on the menu and can't see anything on it she wants to eat, she isn't going to change her mind just because people on Mumsnet are saying, "What about the smoked ricotta meatless meatballs, can't you have those?"

You seem like a fussy eater to me.

Fussy eaters have really spoiled family meals like this for us in the past, so YABU.

You just can't please everyone.

And the restaurant is called Beans n Aubergines.

"Why are people insisting the OP shares the menu"

Can't speak for anyone else but I'm just curious.

I'm also on a diet and would love to look at some lovely food I might not have come across before 😁

Google and see what's next door and tell sil you will wave through the window... Sil doesn't get to decide where you eat /spend your money.

I agree OP. Aubergines are the food of the devil. Slimy feckers. You have my sympathy 🤣

'Cos we're nosy?

I've never encountered a menu where everything repulses me to the extent that I couldn't order anything off it, and I've eaten at places with very limited menus (this tends to be a mark of quality - the shorter the menu the better the food, in my experience).

I fail to see how this is a dilemma though. Just say the food doesn't appeal to you! Or that it's out of your budget if you can't be straightforward!

And suggest one or two places that are up your street, this is important. Nothing worse than having to navigate fussy eaters with no suggestions of their own when you're trying to book somewhere for a group.

If the others are happy with the meal choices, I would be tempted to see if SIL could negotiate with the restaurant for some flexibility in the preparation of your meal in particular. I think most (expensive!) restaurants would try to help.

I have a friend who eats ‘plain’ food. Complete pain and in Italy ended up in McDonalds because she claimed the food in the restaurants couldn’t cater for her. She likes Wetherspoons and the like. I won’t go out with her now because she is so fussy!

I think you are being rather attention seeking over this. A plate of chips??

I think it's really weird people are saying you should just suck it up and go? It's not SIL's birthday and from the original post it hasn't even been booked yet.

I'd definitely pick out a couple of other local places and then get DH to go back to his sister and just say something along the lines of "we've checked out the menu and we're not too keen and don't think DS will eat anything there, what do you think of these?", so you're doing a bit of the work and making some suggestions.

I don't think you should go somewhere which sounds quite niche when you're really not keen and tbh I think it's quite unusual for your SIL to have suggested such a meal for Thanksgiving, which I understand is usually quite a traditional turkey & sides affair.