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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

517 replies

HamBone · 02/11/2023 13:00

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 02/11/2023 13:19

Whats with the drama and insistence the OP is a 'fussy eater'... this is short hand for 'I don't like certain foods' and surely adults ARE allowed to not like certain foods.

What if its a fucking fish restaurant, that literally only serves a limited, set menu, that is just fish.

I'd not eat there. I'd not go to a meal there as I would be sat with nothing, I can't eat fish (makes me vomit really spectacularly which isn't fun for me or other diners).

OP - tell them the truth, theres nothing on the menu you'd eat and it won't be enjoyable for you, or presumably for them to watch you sit there not eating anything so you'll give it a miss if everyone else is set on going there, and join them another time.

ploob · 02/11/2023 13:19

Menu or it didn't happen...

Original poster
HamBone · 02/11/2023 13:19

@SecondUsername4me Unfortunately, the few ingredients I’m not keen on, for example, aubergines and certain beans, are featured in several menu items. I simply can’t stand them. As I said upthread, if there was anything plain, I’d happily eat it.

@WhateverMate I’ve only just looked at the menu after he told me the plan last night. I don’t think he’s seen the menu-I don’t want to cause a rumpus.

OP posts:
Unmute · 02/11/2023 13:20

I'd just go. Order the dish you find least offensive and enjoy spending time with family.

CarolinaInTheMorning · 02/11/2023 13:20

Nice thought but just looked and it's not our kinda thing and too expensive so let's find somewhere else for Thanksgiving

I don't think the OP is saying that SIL wants them to do this for Thanksgiving dinner. Thanksgiving is on a Thursday and she talks about the "weekend."

I would just do it to keep peace in the family, but I'm an adventurous eater as are most of my siblings. But if it were for Thanksgiving dinner my answer would be different. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and I want all the traditional things for dinner, but I would be fine going with the family to a restaurant for something different over the weekend.

Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 02/11/2023 13:20

Pinkdelight3 · 02/11/2023 13:17

I don't think it's a matter of being a fussy eater. You should enjoy what you're eating if you're paying a lot and it's meant to be a treat. You shouldn't have to suck up someone else's niche taste and be deemed fussy for not doing.

Yeah I agree with this. There's a new restaurant opened near me, great reviews, but of the 7 different options of main courses, I wouldn't spend money on any. Most of them contained either truffle or cheese, neither of which I like so I'm not going with friends at weekend, happy for them to go though

Pinkdelight3 · 02/11/2023 13:21

Chowtime · 02/11/2023 13:18

There must be ONE THING on the menu that you'll eat. Just go.

This is so weird to me. Why should she 'just go'? It's not a wedding or special occasion for the SIL. It's a place SIL wants to go and no one's stopped her going. But OP doesn't want to go so can and should say so. It's only a nice idea if everyone's into it. If they're not, why not pick somewhere else?

GrumpyPanda · 02/11/2023 13:21

So tell her Antarctic/Polynesian/Ethiopian isn't quite our thing, here's a few alternative suggestions.

Ibravedaflood · 02/11/2023 13:21

Not wanting to spend your hard earned cash on stuff you don't want isn't causing a rumpus!

OldestSister · 02/11/2023 13:21

I have every sympathy. My SIL arranged a family dinner at FISH. I'm allergic to fish and can't tolerate the smell of it. I declined the invitation and she no longer talks to me. Which is a result to be honest.

Chowtime · 02/11/2023 13:21

It's not really about the food though is it? It's about getting together as a family.

ShirleyPhallus · 02/11/2023 13:22

Pinkdelight3 · 02/11/2023 13:07

I wouldn't go just because she wants to, why should you? It's not her birthday, where you'd prioritise her preference. This is for all of you to enjoy, especially if it's pricey, so I'd keep it breezy, not make a big deal about it but nip it in the bud now. Like 'Nice thought but just looked and it's not our kinda thing and too expensive so let's find somewhere else for Thanksgiving and you can do that another time. Thanks for understanding." and if it's helpful suggest a few places you'd like that are more affordable. These things have to be agreed between you, not imposed.

Honestly this kind of message and attitude is so passive aggressive. SIL has chosen somewhere she likes and invited others. There is nothing to “nip in the bud”.

All op has to do is make some suggestions of other places and then they can mutually choose somewhere suitable.

I organise a lot of stuff because no one else takes the lead and my biggest bug bear is people who just say no and then bring nothing else to the table and expect you to be a mind reader of what they do and don’t like.

not liking anything with seasoning does sound fussy though I’m afraid OP!

Catsfrontbum · 02/11/2023 13:23

I would take a look at the menus, and I bet there are elements you can eat or adapt?

So a curry- just ask for some rice or some steamed vegetables. What about the starters- have 2 of them instead of a main?

ApolloandDaphne · 02/11/2023 13:24

I am a very unfussy eater but if I was invited to a sushi restaurant I would decline as it is the one food type I cannot stomach.

Basilton · 02/11/2023 13:24

HamBone · 02/11/2023 13:11

DS is 15 so can’t do a lunchbox.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s very specialized, 12 items on the menu, all seasoned, nothing plain. If I could order a bowl of soup or a plate of chips, for example, I’d be happy to go (and eat more else later!) but there’s nothing like that.

I think she wants to try this particular cuisine, but hadn’t considered that others might not be so keen.

So you are fussy eaters. It is normal for food to be seasoned. 🙄

SoRainbowRhythms · 02/11/2023 13:25

Not a fussy eater but just wants plain stuff. Make sense.

SausageAndEggSandwich · 02/11/2023 13:25

YANBU

If it costs a decent amount of money and you won't enjoy the food, don't martyr yourself just so DH's family have a good time.

Just suggest something else everyone might enjoy instead.

If a family member doesn't eat beef, I wouldn't be put off if they said no I'd rather not do a steak place, can we do X instead.

sparklefresh · 02/11/2023 13:26

YABU to think you aren't a fussy eater!

BIWI · 02/11/2023 13:27

I think that without knowing either what type of cuisine it is, or seeing the specific menu, we can't really comment any further to help you @HamBone!

Pinkdelight3 · 02/11/2023 13:27

All op has to do is make some suggestions of other places and then they can mutually choose somewhere suitable.

I literally said that in my post - "if it's helpful suggest a few places you'd like that are more affordable", nothing about just saying no and expecting them to be mindreaders.

CatamaranViper · 02/11/2023 13:27

I had similar recently but the only saving grace was I wasn't paying.
Organised by my boss, limited menu, very OTT/wannabe fine dining. Out of the main courses 7/8 of them had a nuts or legumes as a key ingredient (allergic to nuts and legumes cause stomach issues). The only dish that didn't have them was prawn based which is the only protein I don't like.

I wouldn't have gone if I was paying because, while it was expensive but I could afford it, I would consider it a waste of money.

Just tell her that it doesn't work for you unfortunately as there is nothing you or DS would eat

Onethingatatime23 · 02/11/2023 13:27

It's definitely fussy not to like your food seasoned.

Icefoot · 02/11/2023 13:28

I can't imagine any restaurant with nothing I'd want. If the price is the issue say that. If it's just not to your taste make the most of it and arrange something you prefer next time.

DappledThings · 02/11/2023 13:28

Unfortunately, the few ingredients I’m not keen on, for example, aubergines and certain beans, are featured in several menu items.
Sounding quite firmly in the fussy camp to me.

Original poster
HamBone · 02/11/2023 13:29

S@Catsfrontbum Honestly, I’d do this if I could, but it’s a tiny menu, every dish is carefully crafted and there’s no sides like rice or steamed veggies.

It’s really quite funny that I’m having this dilemma, because I really do like trying different foods and I’m generally up for everything.

Thats probably why SIL thought we’d all be fine with this place, but it just happens to focus on ingredients that make me 🤢.

OP posts: