SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

[HamBone]

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

I get it. I am in no way fussy but I can't stand the texture of certain beans and if that is what the menu consisted of I would not want to go. I guess I'd probably would go and look like an idiot sitting there and picking them all out.

If you just go along for drinks, when will you eat your Thanksgiving meal?

Honestly it sounds even more weird and awkward if some of you just go along to have a drink and watch your SIL eat in the restaurant she wants to try. If I were her I would feel super weird about that and would wish you'd said "let's go somewhere else".

I'm not sure how busy restaurants are over Thanksgiving either, but if it's likely to get booked up they might not allow people to take up space at a table without eating anything.

Just tell her the menu doesn't appeal to you and ask her to suggest another restaurant, or suggest one yourself.

Is everyone else on board? Has she already booked a table? If it’s quite a casual arrangement I don’t think there’s anything wrong with suggesting an alternative location, perhaps that offers a similar style but with a bit more choice.

However you do sound a little bit picky- most places will let you leave things out of the dish if you ask/ make a version with less spice etc. I’m a vegetarian and even managed to find something to eat at a specialist seafood restaurant in France for my friend’s hen do that had absolutely nothing on the menu that wasn’t some weird type of mollusc 🤢 Just ask!

Why not just say, "It would be great to meet up, but there's nothing on that menu my son and I would eat. Can we choose somewhere that suits everyone?"

Thanksgiving / Christmas are not the times to grin and bear shit food. It’s your Thanksgiving too!

I’d ask DH to gently have a word with sil. It needs to come from him not you.

If he refuses, tell DH you and DC won’t be going. Do you have others you could celebrate with?

Setting aside the fact that you don't like beans or aubergines, the fact that your initial problem was that there is 'nothing plain' on the menu makes me wonder if
you might be a bit fussier than you think. Also, a choice of 12 dishes isn't a particularly small menu for a decent restaurant so I can see why SIL thought it would be OK to try.

Personally I would just give it a try. But if you really don't think there's anything on the menu that you and DS could bear to try, then I don't think it's unreasonable to ask, in an apologetic tone, if you could go to a different restaurant instead. What's your relationship with your SIL usually like? Is it one where you can have a joke about things and be honest? My SIL (DP's sister) is actually great, but my ex-SIL (brother's ex-wife) was an utter horror so I know it can be an awkward dynamic!

I love aubergines but they are a nightshade vegetable which makes them a bit sinister.

I also love okra 😋

Only wanting to eat plain food = fussy eater

So every single dish has aubergines? And you don't like ANY type of beans? Sorry, don't buy it.

This meal is traditionally a time for celebrating and it would be mad to go and not eat! You just need to be honest. This was just a suggestion at this point. Just say,very sorry no, would she like to choose another venue? You will all be much happier.
What sort of ethnic food does this restaurant serve? Mediterranean vegan?

I'm so horribly curious now to see the menu, even though I understand OP's reasons for not sharing it 😂I truly have the curse of nosiness

Are you honestly saying it's a specialist aubergine restaurant to cover up for being a fussy eater? 😂

OP doesn’t say she only wants to eat plain food, though - she’s said she likes things like Thai and Vietnamese IIRC. I assumed the reference to plain food was to give an example of “doesn’t have something universally acceptable”

This sounds a bit like a place my shift (l was the manager) all wanted to go to for our Christmas meal. It was Mexican, l don't like spicy stuff, and l'm actually allergic to chilli.
I went to keep the peace, but l think all l ate was some kind of bread and had two or three drinks. Complete waste of money, now l come to think of it.
I wouldn't go.

Just say you've had a look at the menu and arent keen. Could they come up with an alternative.

If it was me I would just say I don’t like anything on the menu and will go for a drink and dessert, enjoy the company and eat at home before I go.

YABU - it's a family meal, I would definitely go. Surely there must be something on the menu that you and your son would eat?!

So are tomatoes, peppers and potatoes. Yet they aren’t deemed sinister. Okra isn’t a nightshade but still contains as much solanine. Which is ancient Ayurvedic practices restricted them to weddings.

No point posting the menu.

Contrary posters will fall over themselves to explain how EVERYONE but the most fussy could not possibly eat x, y, z and even their 6 months old baby was delighted to be given x,yz, because they didn't raise fussy children 😂

It will only go one way and won't solve anything.

Assuming it’s not the thanksgiving meal itself but an added weekend bonus outing to take advantage of DH’s family all getting together, I think you either go or not go, no skin off anyone’s nose, but you can’t take the third party pooper option of “please choose a plain food restaurant I like instead” — it’s not your family event to be fussy about.

The point I was making in my post above exactly. 😂

For those assuming I can’t stand seasoned food, I love Thai and Vietnamese dishes, also Indian and Persian food

People are assuming you can't stand seasoned food because you literally gave 'everything is seasoned' as your first reason for not wanting to eat in the restaurant.

Ring them and see what they could do for you. I also despise aubergine and I'm allergic to legumes like lentils and beans.

If you ring them and they know in advance they may offer to make you a plainer version of what's on their menu.

Why doesn’t the OP suggest an alternative, given SIL isn’t her PA?

It's a family meal for Thanksgiving.

I don't think it is. OP, could you clarify?

For example, we are going to my brother's in another state for Thanksgiving. We will be there from Wednesday until Monday. Thanksgiving is on Thursday where we will eat the traditional turkey with all the sides. On Friday, we will likely lounge around the house and eat turkey sandwiches and leftovers. On Saturday we will probably go to a restaurant to try something different. Possible similar outing on Sunday.

I think it's the Saturday or Sunday outing that the OP is referring to, not actual Thanksgiving dinner, which I agree is sacrosanct and even eggplant-loving me will not want to eat aubergines and beans for Thanksgiving dinner.