SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

[HamBone]

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

Sounds as though it's just a suggestion for a whole family outing. So you have just as much choice as she does. I'd contact her quickly and say what you think as politely as possible. Ask if she'd be happy with x. That being YOUR choice of spot, as if so you'll go ahead and book

I think you should try some new food OP it will be good for you to try something different

What’s wrong with being fussy about what you eat I.e only wanting to eat food that you like?
We’re allowed to be fussy about the clothes we wear, the bedding we sleep on or where we go on holiday, but some people are so rude if others have different/more narrow food tastes than them.

Just tell her you don’t like the menu. Simple.

Not fancying anything on the expensive limited menu sounds an excellent reason not to go. Have others already agreed to this or would it be possible to suggest an alternative. If it's a family occasion and SIL isnt hosting I dont think she gets to dictate a venue that might reasonable exclude some.
How does the rest of the family feel? Do you have an alternative in mind? Maybe put it to the group and sound things out.

If you only ever eat on your own, then it’s not a problem at all. But in our culture (and most, if not all cultures) eating is often a social thing. In which case being fussy is limiting and, depending on how your fussiness manifests, puts a burden on others.

This thread 😭
Why couldn't you just be clear straight away instead of confusing everyone going on about seasoning and aubergines?
You could have said this place serves food that's quite unusual meat wise or something. Also you ask for advice and most said to just say that it's not really good that you or your child would eat as it's so unusual and you just kept saying his family don't ever say anything. Well that doesn't mean you can't 🤣 I'm glad you did eventually say something. It's not fussy at all I don't eat offal or oxtail or bugs and snails and I'd have no issue saying that it's not my taste. If she gets upset just say that normally you can find something but you've looked and can't afford to waste money knowing you won't really eat it. What an odd choice for a family meal and selfish. Pick somewhere for everyone. Sounds like she needs to stop getting her own way.

I hate aubergines too.

Go, try something different, get cheapest options? Unless it's completely ott expensive for one piece of ravioli, which I once encountered, and actually serves full dishes, may be enlightening. X

Call the restaurant tell them the menu isn't to your normal liking can they prepare something for you and yoyr DS? Chat it through with them and hopefully they will agree a special menu for you!

Is it one of those healthy slash sustainable protein based restaurants hence the insects? I went to one where I had to eat fake meat made from some lab substance, and rice made out of hemp (or something equally stupid and unsatisfying, I can't remember). I didn't see why I couldn't just have my bloody rice! Let me just get this carrot out and carve it into the shape of a broccoli and dye it green....

@HamBone
If you opt out, can you invite the group over to your home for coffee and dessert? If its during the Thanksgiving holiday, most people will be pretty "fed-up." So maybe you could get an assortment of light pastries that are not typical Thanksgiving type desserts.

I'm not sure why people keep saying there must be something you can eat. Being able to tolerate something on the menu hardly warrants the significant financial outlay you'd be making for the privelege. One person's desire to experience something pricey and niche doesn't trump another person's desire not to waste good money on something they won't enjoy.
Either DH can go alone or you can suggest something else.

I think I would have been inclined to say to SIL: wow that place looks really interesting! The menu is a bit adventurous though and I might struggle with it. Possibly some of the other family members might too. Why don’t you suggest an alternative as well and see which one gets the most votes? I’m looking forward to seeing everyone, should be fun!

I would either be honest and say there is nothing I would eat, any chance of reviewing the restaurant choice. Alternatively I would eat before you go and just have drinks.

I have definitely been in this situ and I refuse at this age to pay for crap I simply won’t eat, total waste of money.

This exactly. Definitely just tell her it's not your thing and wish her well. Also that you'd like to celebrate with her later, if it's not essential to go out on that particular date.

I sympathise with you. I don't eat fish, lamb, avocado or goats cheese and for some reason they are always included in menus. I mainly head for chicken but you say these are not included. I was conned into going to a Japanese restaurant early this year and sat saying I don't like it but I made myself give it a go and ended up enjoying it. Come on if your not allergic to it give it a try. You might surprise yourself.

Do people ever make sacrifices these days?

?

It's one day, one meal, suck the mop and get on with it.

@timesaretight Normally I would, but I’ve decided that I’d rather sit this one out.

Tbh, my SIL is quite inflexible herself, She refuses to travel, for example, that’s why the rest of the family always has to travel to her area for Thanksgiving if we want to celebrate the holiday together.

Opting out of this particular restaurant is nothing really!

Nah I've done this. I did try it once and didn't like it so we made our excuses for 3 years and now they've started going elsewhere fortunately. It's just that isn't it, when food is expensive you wanna be able to actually enjoy it! Especially with a child. I wasn't honest though and just said we were busy for various reasons, it depends on if other people will back you up and convince her to change it and I didn't think anyone would do that for us as they just roll with the punches.

Pinkdelight3

I wouldn't go just because she wants to, why should you? It's not her birthday, where you'd prioritise her preference. This is for all of you to enjoy, especially if it's pricey, so I'd keep it breezy, not make a big deal about it but nip it in the bud now. Like 'Nice thought but just looked and it's not our kinda thing and too expensive so let's find somewhere else for Thanksgiving and you can do that another time. Thanks for understanding." and if it's helpful suggest a few places you'd like that are more affordable. These things have to be agreed between you, not imposed

That's one of the rudest, passively aggressive responses ever!

If the restaurant was THAT restrictive with so few options, then surerly it would go out of business ?

just go. Try something new

It shouldn't be a big deal though for someone to say that they prefer somewhere a bit more mainstream, especially with a teen/DCs.

I probably would have responded going "Thanks for suggesting Chez cricket. It looks a little fancy for teen boy and I wondered if we could all go to that great rib place you picked last time instead. No worries if not teen boy and I will sit this one out."