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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

517 replies

HamBone · 02/11/2023 13:00

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

OP posts:
storypushers · 02/11/2023 13:31

Show us the menu and then we can decide if you're unreasonable

Pinkdelight3 · 02/11/2023 13:31

HamBone · 02/11/2023 13:29

S@Catsfrontbum Honestly, I’d do this if I could, but it’s a tiny menu, every dish is carefully crafted and there’s no sides like rice or steamed veggies.

It’s really quite funny that I’m having this dilemma, because I really do like trying different foods and I’m generally up for everything.

Thats probably why SIL thought we’d all be fine with this place, but it just happens to focus on ingredients that make me 🤢.

I think it's fine to say this, except for the emoji my computer won't show, which I'm guessing is vom. But it's fine to say you're generally up for anything but in this very specific case it's not for you. Then make some alt suggestions.

TomatoSandwiches · 02/11/2023 13:31

Onethingatatime23 · 02/11/2023 13:27

It's definitely fussy not to like your food seasoned.

No it's a preference.

Fiftyvines · 02/11/2023 13:31

You sound very fussy despite what you think.

Codlingmoths · 02/11/2023 13:31

You don’t sound at all like you like trying different foods. Can you phone them and say id really really love to join our family for dinner there but I won’t eat any of those 12 dishes, is there any chance at all you’d do soup and bread and salad …?
basically I’d go.

EatYourVegetables · 02/11/2023 13:31

Not fussy? Do you know what the word means?

Gnomegnomegnome · 02/11/2023 13:31

Just say that you have looked at the menu and that there’s nothing suitable for you or ds and suggest somewhere else.

sparklefresh · 02/11/2023 13:31

Up for anything... apart from beans, aubergine, and seasoning?

kitsuneghost · 02/11/2023 13:32

Only eating plain food is by definition a fussy eater
Just tell her that you don't like the menu and would there be any chance of going somewhere more 'classic'.

She maybe just assumed that most people would give it a go.

Catsfrontbum · 02/11/2023 13:32

Oh that is a shame, I think just be honest with her, perhaps say you can meet afterwards at the restaurant for a desert drink or something?

TheFlis · 02/11/2023 13:32

Is the menu on the website a fixed menu or just an example menu of their cuisine! Might be worth giving them a call to check if the things you don’t like are standard before you veto it.

Vinrouge4 · 02/11/2023 13:33

To be honest you sound quite fussy. Who wants to go to a restaurant and have soup or a bowl of chips? That is what kids eat.

FamBae · 02/11/2023 13:33

I think you should just tell her, that whilst you love the idea of a family get together the food at that restaurant isn't to your families taste and could she choose somewhere with a plainer menu, hopefully she will just roll her eyes at how unsophisticated you are and oblige. 😉

Original poster
HamBone · 02/11/2023 13:33

DappledThings · 02/11/2023 13:28

Unfortunately, the few ingredients I’m not keen on, for example, aubergines and certain beans, are featured in several menu items.
Sounding quite firmly in the fussy camp to me.

@DappledThings Hee, hee, I’ve eaten all sorts, from Ethiopian to Thai to sushi to a traditional roast dinner. Just never been able to stand aubergines.😂

OP posts:
Alwayswonderedwhy · 02/11/2023 13:34

Haha, you clearly are a fussy eater if you don't eat seasoned food.

Littlewhitecat · 02/11/2023 13:34

So research some restaurants in the area with menus/prices you do like and go back to her with them. A simple message of "Really looking forward to seeing you and appreciate the time you've taken to arrange the get together. Had a look at the menu and me and DS are struggling to find something we like. I've had a look and these restaurants all look great, does one of these work for you? Let me know and I'll get it booked in"

grumpycow1 · 02/11/2023 13:34

I don’t think you can say you’re “not a fussy eater” if there’s a whole menu that doesn’t have one thing on it you can eat? I’d just say to SIL that you don’t think there are any dishes that you will eat, so can you go somewhere else for the family meal. Maybe offer to babysit if she wants a date night there!

UnderwaterSpaceCadet · 02/11/2023 13:34

You can be (generally) not fussy, though, and just dislike a certain food that’s everywhere.

I used to work with someone who would literally eat anything other than lemongrass. So most of the time he wouldn’t have an issue, but Thai restaurants could be a bit problematic.

IncompleteSenten · 02/11/2023 13:35

Could you call the restaurant and ask them if they could make a modified version of X dish for you if you paid more for the inconvenience?

Or pick the meal that is easiest to leave the bits you don't like.

What about pudding? Do they do them and are there any you like?

Honeychickpea · 02/11/2023 13:35

HamBone · 02/11/2023 13:11

DS is 15 so can’t do a lunchbox.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s very specialized, 12 items on the menu, all seasoned, nothing plain. If I could order a bowl of soup or a plate of chips, for example, I’d be happy to go (and eat more else later!) but there’s nothing like that.

I think she wants to try this particular cuisine, but hadn’t considered that others might not be so keen.

Gasp! Seasoned food! You may be living in the US, but I bet you are from the UK.

Dartmoorcheffy · 02/11/2023 13:35

Just show us the menu. I really don't believe a restaurant has just a dozen dishes, and no sides or provision for dietary requirements at all.

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 02/11/2023 13:36

I have the reverse situation with my in-laws: they all like what you call "plain" food, I prefer spiced and interesting and foreign food. All of it! In the early days of our marriage I once invited them all out to dim sum in our Chinatown (quite plain food, in the grand scheme). They all came. They all hated it. They made the effort and picked at the food. I felt awful. We've never done anything like it again.

If your SIL is looking for family-time over Thanksgiving: tell her you can't eat the food on the menu, would she mind awfully picking somewhere a bit more neutral or suggest you meet up afterwards.

If your SIL is looking for people to go to this restaurant with: decline politely, tell her you hope she has a great time with someone who enjoys that cuisine.

She doesn't get to foist anything on you, you're not obliged to eat anything you don't want to eat.

And yes you really are a fussy eater going by what you say!!

HikingforScenery · 02/11/2023 13:36

Just get your DH to tell her, if you can’t tell her if you can’t. The earlier you tell her, the better so alternative arrangements can be made.

whats the alternative? Going to sit down and eating nothing or picking at the food?

Plain food, to me, is the stuff of nightmares but we’re all different.

Original poster
HamBone · 02/11/2023 13:36

Vinrouge4 · 02/11/2023 13:33

To be honest you sound quite fussy. Who wants to go to a restaurant and have soup or a bowl of chips? That is what kids eat.

@Vinrouge4 I don’t WANT to eat chips at all, it’s just an example of something basic that most people would eat!

This place doesn’t even serve chicken, the menu is so limited!

OP posts:
Greatbigfluffytrousers · 02/11/2023 13:37

If it were me I’d tell DH to say to his sibling that he didn’t think there was much on the menu that would appeal to the kids and suggest an alternative. We usually do the communication with our own sides of the family (although his brother is lovely and I’d happily tell him directly that I’d had a wee look at the menu and DC2 would probably projectile vomit on all of us if asked to eat anything on it so either change venue or bring a hazmat suit).