SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

[HamBone]

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

There is no way I would eat grasshoppers and similar types of ‘alternative protein’ and I honestly think it’s ‘out there’ enough that you can be honest and say ‘wow! Looks interesting! To be honest though it’s not for me and Ds. Best you go there with someone more enthusiastic about trying insects, and maybe we could get together for xyz? ‘

@HamBone I certainly wouldn't be prepared to eat at somewhere I disliked, particularly if it was pricey, and especially when I've already paid for flights, a hotel and a hire car. Surely she should be making an attempt to find a restaurant to please you when you have gone to all this trouble?
My DH is a real carnivore, fussy about not eating brassicas or spinach (which actually make him vomit) and we wouldn't hesitate to refuse an invitation to a vegan or vegetarian restaurant which I'm guessing some would find unreasonable but to us is just sensible.
From what you've said about the menu I don't think any of my adult children would be interested in going to somewhere like this either, though they are very adventurous eaters.
Looking forward to hearing what happens next!

I'm wondering if you've not heard back from SIL because she's had similar responses from others.

She does sound pretty selfish, though to be kind she might just be trying to give you all a different experience.

As to the poster who says you're being PA, it's hardly that if you simply don't want to spend a lot of money on an expensive meal that two of your family are not going to enjoy. You're just being straightforward and you weren't rude.

And is it likely to be "oh, we'll all split the bill"? Not very fair if you've only had a drink and a bowl of fries.

You have three choices here - tell SIL that you don't really fancy the menu, or that you don't think you DS will, and suggest somewhere more to your liking; tell SIL that everything on the menu is rather expensive and suggest somewhere cheaper; decide it was SILs idea and you'd like to go along with it, so do so and find something you and your kid will eat! I don't think any choice is wrong, but you just have to chose. Also 12 things on the menu that you don't like means you ARE a fussy eater in my book. One of my pet hates, is people who say "I'm not X" and then follow it up with someone that they've only done because they are X. Like now, if you aren't a fussy eater, the this article is unnecessary, because you would have just gone to the restaurant and chosen something you liked. Why say "I'm not a fussy eater" in an article that you'd have NEVER thought to write, much less written. if you weren't a fussy eater?!

Well she’s obviously going to try to silence you into submission.

Wonder what she will say. Honestly, you are not unreasonable at all. I think family get togethers should be slightly more main stream so as to cater for everyone! Unless she offers to foot the bill?

Positive update. I don’t know whether she saw my point or perhaps other family members have also said something, but I’ve received a nice text saying no worries, the group can always split up and meet up again later.

Perhaps I’m not the only person who doesn’t want to eat there?! 😂

Split up. So she's not budging on the venue then 😂😂

Is the restaurant affiliated with a museum?

@AliceOlive I don’t think so , although I haven’t done any research. I’ve just looked at the menu.

@justasking111 My guess is that some people want to eat there and others don’t. My other SIL is an adventurous eater so perhaps they’ll go with whoever else wants to try it.

Luckily it's a lunch (I didn’t know this originally) so that makes it easier to eat elsewhere and still spend the rest of the afternoon together.

Anyway, I’m glad no one’s got the hump. I’ve never baulked at any family plans before so I genuinely didn’t know whether she’d be offended or not. We just do things differently. 🤷

She seems really selfish to prioritise going to a restaurant that she can presumably go to at any time, with her being local and all, over choosing something that is suitable for everyone.

But I guess at least you don't need to eat or pay for crickets and will spend time together in the afternoon.

I would ask husband to politely decline, stating that it isn’t really a restaurant that serves food that is to any of your taste.
I wouldn’t eat insects even if they were free… not a chance in hell would I pay to do so. I also don’t think you’re fussy or being difficult… and actually even if you were a fussy eater… why would you pay to eat somewhere where you don’t like anything on the menu?!….. I’m sure you’re not the only family members thinking WTF either!! Once you decline I suspect others will find the courage to say it’s not to their taste either.

Sorry just seen updates. Fabulous

Good outcome and maybe will lead to more open communication.

I was thinking of a particular city (NOLA) with a restaurant like this. It would easy and normal there for a family to split up and regroup later.

I like this response. Others have been a little passive aggressive.
I’d probably add a “Sorry to be a pain” at the end for good measure.

@MummyToOneRainbowAndOneAngel See my last two posts, it’s all amicably resolved now. 😁