SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

[HamBone]

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

I would not go. My weekends are too precious to waste like that, not to mention the money. Presumably you are seeing family at the traditional Thanksgiving meal?

Just decline; maybe you can see them for hot chocolate or something another day.

This is at a butterfly garden and insectarium so you go and admire the bugs and then ...eat them!

I really want to see this menu

‘Insects’ is not a type of cuisine. People say they’re having Italian, Indian, Turkish etc. It’s like say that you’re going to KFC and saying that there’s corn on the cob on the menu. That’s an element, not the cuisine. She’s rowing back on this and adding insects post-hoc. Otherwise she would have led with that and we all know it.

So why can't he go without you, or is that what he's intending to do?

I’d just say, sorry, I really don’t fancy that so if everyone else is up for it I will sit this one out.

I have and do. Can order them as an ingredient or as snacks. As an ingredient you don't really notice them tbh. It's not like they're the same size as beef or pork. Depending how they are cooked they can be quite healthy.

I'd decline politely but I'd decline. I'd raise it with DH first so he's not blindsided. I'd let your son make up his own mind. Its not very polite of your SIL I think. If you are arranging a gathering family or friends, you find somwhere where everyone will be happy with the menu, "niche" choices are for other occasions.

Here's the thing.

SIL has heard you say you're NOT a fussy eater........and she's believed you!

Silly SIL

Get DH to intervene and book a different restaurant

Are you going to a certain Native American restaurant in the Midwest by a river, that has won many awards?

Call or visit the restaurant in advance and ask for something you do like and try to get that agreed.

Surely even in a non-confrontational family you can say “Wow, that menu looks a bit adventurous even for me! We’re definitely up for a meal out but any chance we can go somewhere with a wider choice? Can’t wait to see you all etc etc etc”.

I wouldn’t want to eat bugs for dinner either! But I’m veggie anyway, ha. Maybe claim that?!

@SleepingStandingUp His family just don’t do that. 🤷

I really despair for people like you OP, I can't imagine ever being so wishy washy about anything, the world isn't going to stop spinning if you have an opinion you know!

You say DH side of the family are the 'go along with it types', well you've firmly adopted that mindset so you may as well include yourself in that description now.

Just tell her you're going to give it a miss, it's too expensive and the food looks shit (could use the word 'niche' if you don't want to offend). You may end up being the unsung hero of the group when everyone breathes a collective sigh of relief that someone has brought up how awful it will be and you all go somewhere else instead!

Great reply!

Your DH just has to say - sorry we've looked at the menu can we go somewhere else please and offer suggestions

I’d say - myself if possible, on a group chat, not asking DH to do it -

’Gosh, that restaurant is unusual SIL, I can see why you want to try it. Unfortunately I’m not keen on the menu - I’m sorry! Not usually fussy as you know but I just can’t find anything I could eat. I know DS will be the same. If you guys want to go though then perhaps I could take DS for a McD’s and meet up for dessert?’

We really want to see this menu do we not?
OP I dint know a single restaurant that won't do a plainer version of one of their meals if asked.

If you want just a plate of fries then I suggest you are extraordinarily fussy

@Valeriekat and @Pinkdelight3 the unusual restaurant isn't even for the Thanksgiving dinner - it's a few days afterwards!

Don't go! It's clearly quite unusual cuisine with a very small menu. I can imagine a lot of people wouldn't like that - it's not something for a big group do, and like you say, you choose a crowd pleaser place for this.

I wouldn't want to spend money going somewhere where I knew me and my family wouldn't like the food at all and there are no options you like the look of. Who would?

Keep it bright and breezy but be firm.

So he'd rather his child(ren) and wife go to a restaurant where they can't/won't eat anything than have a quiet, polite word with his sister?

Completely pathetic, and would give me the ick too in my relationship with him.

No. Your DH won't stand up against his family and say this is problematic and is deeply upsetting my family.

The fact he won't challenge them is the problem.

An invite is not a summons. No thanks is a valid response.

I am a fussy eater and always look at the menu before going out to these types of places. Rarely have I found that the dish can’t be modified. I don’t like butter, so instead of fish being fried in it I ask for it to be grilled. All sauces can be served on the side. It just takes a bit of effort on my behalf, but restaurants are usually accommodating

Not when insects are the main thing!

I rather liked grasshoppers when I tried them. All the kids tried them too.