SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

[HamBone]

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

I would politely decline. I don't think I'm particularly fussy. I eat every single type of veg, most meats etc but despise fish in all forms. My sil wanted us to go to a Michelin star place with a 7 course taster menu once for a joint celebration. 4 of the courses were fish. I declined. I have been to similar places but they've always had a veggie taster menu option. This one didn't. I wasn't willing to spend £80 on something I'm not going to eat.

Is this menu some kind of secret?

Well then what is the point of this thread if neither you nor husband are willing to say "no thanks we don't want to eat very expensive bugs" and risk putting your SIL's nose out of joint?

I’m not a fussy eater I would say (most of you by the sounds would disagree!) willing to try anything except fish- really do.not.like.it. I’ve tried and tried.

So if for example dp’s family suggested a fish restaurant I would polity decline. Tell them I don’t like the menu and was not willing to pay for a dish I would push around my plate

(I do like crickets, grasshoppers and ants in chocolate 😂)

You've asked what to say or do. The simplist thing to say or do is for your husband to say. Hmm maybe not this time, could we go somewhere else we're not brave enough to try bugs.

I texted SIL an hour ago saying that I’ve heard about the idea and is it ok if I sat this one out as I’m a less adventurous eater. No response yet (she’s read it).

If your paying for yourself, you have the right to make sure it's what you want.

She could have discussed it before she went ahead instead of assuming.

Don't feel bad.

That would be a hard NO for me

Are you in the Twin Cities, OP?

Fussy fussy eaters are a pain to me,
They've ruined my occasions socially,
They don't eat what I do, they can't be fucked,
If they saw what I eat they'd all upchuck.

I eat lutefisk, and rhino heads,
If I see a dead rat, consider me fed,
Sheep's entrails and Marmite too,
Bird-eating spiders and camel poo!

I'm not fussy... sing it out loud,
I eat grave dirt and I won't be cowed,
I'm not fussy... sing it again,
I'll eat anything, anywhere or when.

I eat eucalyptus and koalas too,
Dead men's tongues and okra goo,
I eat larvae and centipedes, wiggly guys
Itty bitty stones and sea slug fries!

Fussy fussy eaters they can't open their mouth,
All of them deserve a good kick down south,
Fussy fussy eaters are my nemesis,
Let's eat the fussy and we'll all find bliss.

Fussy eaters... (bad bad bad)
Fussy eaters... (so sad, so sad)
Fussy eaters... (they're just not for me)
Fussy eaters... (now what's for tea?)

FUSSY EATERS!!!

You're my Labrador 😂😂

Well done @HamBone . Please can you share the menu / pm it to me? Im so curious. I love weird foods and want to know whats on it.

No!

Not the place I'm thinking of, then. A friend went away for the weekend to the Twin Cities and went to an award-winning Native American restaurant that had crickets on the menu. No pioneer food, so no steak or chicken either.

Dont ask her permission to not attend!!!

What you say is "We are going to sit this one out as DS and I are not keen on the cuisine, hope you have a good time and thanks for the invitation!"

Why are you waiting for her to say that its ok for you to bow out? What if she says that No, it isnt ok? What will you do then?

I love aubergines and okra ❤️

Not unreasonable.

I would either say sorry we're happy to come out but not keen on the menu. Can we look for something else? And then suggest sonewhere. Maybe try and find a place that has the food they are suggesting as well as other options. Nothing worse than being told I don't want to go there and expecting free labour.
However, it's also fine, I think to say we can't eat there but we are happy to meet you after for drinks / ice cream etc. Don't let us stop you.

YANBU & I don't think you are fussy. I'm not a fussy eater but there's lots of foods that I have tried and don't like - fish, aubergine, chickpeas, Indian cuisine, coriander, anything spicy, chillies - I absolutely hate black pepper and can taste it in any dish. We're all different and have different tastes.

I like SEASONED food as in salt, umami seasoning etc - I don't like 'seasoning' that is spicy peppery or too herby

You sound like quite a fussy eater???

If you only want “plain” things. I mean, I’m pretty sure most restaurants season all of their dishes. Unless you just want a burger from McDonald’s or something.

I’m sure there’s SOMETHING out of the 12 options you’d like, and your son too, but if you really think not then I guess just meet them after the meal 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not all of us in the UK like plain food some of us actually enjoy seasoning!

How can you know you in advance you won’t like it ? It’s so unusual
most people
wont ever have tried food like that . Give it a whirl - you might find it fun !

From that list, you are a fussy eater.

Suspect she already knows that about you. But I do hope you let your son go. Starting to suspect the reason is financial.

I haven’t heard a peep from SIL.

The more I think about it, the less guilty I feel about being honest with her. She refuses to travel, which is why everyone has to travel to her for Thanksgiving. So she can hardly be upset if I’m not keen on doing something, she’s bloomin’ awkward herself!

@Cosywintertime I’m not preventing anyone else from going.