SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

[HamBone]

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

If SIL was hosting and paying I'd go with no comment.

As she does not appear to be doing so, I would say something like -

"looks like a very nice place for those who like that kind of food SIL, but I can't find anything on the menu I would enjoy really. Shows we all have different tastes I suppose!, So I'm going to skip the meal and hopefully see you all for drinks and a catch up afterwards, Looking forward to seeing you later on. Love X"

Let us know when SIL responds! Or if a flying monkey approaches you or DH about you upsetting SIL.

I dob’t get the flying monkey reference, @Ktime.

A flying monkey is a family member instructed to come and tell you how unreasonable you are being and how upset the other person is in an effort to force you to give way.

I should be able to opt out of eating at a suggested restaurant when it’s not for a special occasion.

FFS you CAN opt out.. who says you can't? You're the ones choosing to dance around the issue

The flying monkey reference comes from the Wizard of Oz - they are sent in to do the wicked witch’s bidding.

I can relate and know people can be rather inconsiderate about the food choices! I had a relative who served a very hot thai curry to me, ex Husband and our two small children who were about 5 & 7 at the time. It was hot for me, so unsurprisingly the kids couldn't eat it and they're good kids. Never did work out if it was them being dense or actually a little unkind as they went on for years about how picky the kids were.

In your position OP I'd probably fib and say you'd all woken up with a stomach upset and so would pass on the dinner, you could even joke that the exotic choices might be inadvisable! but that you'd catch up another time on your trip if possible.

Is sil the wicked witch then?

Wicked Witch of the East from the film…

Glad you’ve messaged her, would be funny if she was just on the wind up!
I would say you would love to have a meal with them is there any other options they are considering otherwise you are happy for them to go with out you.

@sandyhappypeople I know I’m fussing and I texted her yesterday. No response as yet. So I’m probably viewed as the Wicked Witch now. 😂

I’d love to see a link to this restaurant please @HamBone

She sounds very thoughtless and selfish.

Really your DH ought to intervene and say love to meetup but can we go somewhere that has food we all eat as my family doesn’t eat that.

If your DH is weak and makes you do it, I’d phone her and say look would love to meet up but it isn’t our sort of food, how set are you on that venue? If shenis dead set on it then just eat before you go and only order drinks / dessert while you’re there.

Just quoting this post from the Op in case people havent noticed that the Op has already asked her SIL if she can sit this meal out. The SIL hasnt replied.

I aam not sure what I would do if my SIL suggested a meal in a similar restaurant - it would feel like a bit of a waste of money to go somewhere I really didnt fancy.

When I read your first post I thought you sounded but fussy but no, I'm on your side!
Who picks a place like that for a family get together?
Maybe is this her wanting to be centre of attention with her 'out there' choice of restaurant?

I initially had you down as fussy OP (even if you were fussy it wouldn't make you unreasonable - we're all allowed our preferences), but now you've given more context I'm completely with you. I'm not fussy but wouldn't eat insects amongst other things.

Years ago we as a family went to a French restaurant with friends and their kids. My friend was adamant we all had to try the snails. Er, no thanks, not remotely interested, and neither were our DC. Their DC tried them - didn't like them - my friend kept on and on "Well at least you tried them, that's the important thing. It's good to try new things. Everyone should be open to try new things. If you don't try things how do you know you don't like them?" It was very pointed and annoying, and unnecessary. What difference did it make to her if we didn't eat snails ffs?!

Glad you've been honest with your SIL OP. Why should you waste a load of family money to humour someone else?

What country are you in? Is there anywhere close where you, your partner and kids can grab food and meet them all after for drinks?

Have you thought of ringing the restaurant and asking them if they would adapt a dish to suit you? When I was on a special diet a few years ago, I did this all the time, and I never came across any resistance. So say can I have the XYZ chicken dish, but with no aubergines and beans, instead just sauté potatoes and a salad? Most chefs are happy to demonstrate their culinary diversity! That way, you go out with the family and upset no one. Might pay more than you want, but everybody is happy

i am glad you spoke up - best plan

Exactly. Many people have narrow views on South East Asian food, most of them wrong. A high street curry house is very far from authentic.

I had pani puri and carrot halwa for lunch today. Delicious but not actually spicy.

It sounds as though you are very fussy. I am fussy when it comes to food, but I've never been anywhere I couldn't find something to eat. There is one restaurant in town I avoided for years because I didn't like the look of the menu - once I finally got there I discovered the food is wonderful. I can't believe there is not one thing you would be prepared to try. Live a little - what's the worse that can happen? Crickets apparently are delicious btw, and if there was a limited menu I would try them.

However, I see you have already messaged your SIL - what was the actual point of this thread btw?

It’s good you’ve messaged. I am vegetarian and as such more than used to putting up with limited menu choices I don’t really want but suggesting somewhere with insects on the menu for a family meal is just stupid.

Just go.

Well done for messaging, if you’re not a fussy eater and there’s nothing you like on the menu it sounds like a pretty extreme place to choose, especially with teenagers. I like a lot of things now that I absolutely hated as a teenager just because my tastes hadn’t matured yet so I expect your son is also glad that you’ve opened up the conversation.

I am so curious what the dishes are on the menu, can you paraphrase some examples for us please??

The most expensive restaurants have chefs who would be happy to prepare plain omelette for eg. It’s the cheaper restaurants who don’t have a cook or chef and microwave a set menu who huff and puff over having to offer something different