To have been honest about my feelings re Christmas presents at work

[Icefoot]

We had a team meeting. I'm new to the business.

Someone asked what we should do about presents for each other and the wider staff. I said personally I wouldn't bother, it's all a bit of a nonsense, just passing round parcels of things no one wants. I'm not good at present buying and I don't care about presents for me, which makes me hard to give the emotional energy required to get my staff decent gifts. I'd rather buy people a drink after work, although appreciate that doesn't suit everyone either, but the offer's there.

I was asked and I gave an honest answer...

Wow you’re new to the business? You’ve well and truly established yourself then. Could you not ask what they’d done previously and then check the tone of your answer?
I think you were harsh. You could’ve been more tactful .

100% agree OP, appreciate there might be teams or workplaces out there who are very close and presents might feel appropriate but for me I barely talk to my colleagues outside of meetings so the thought of having to buy gifts is ridiculous.

im happy to chip into wedding, retirement, maternity collections etc but not individual Xmas gifts.

you might find they want to do it anyway and you’ll be left out, as long as you’re alright with this then I don’t see the issue

I agree. Seems like it’s just giving tat for the sake of it unless it’s food.

There was a deathly silence, I suspect others felt the same but no one spoke.

Not at all. It's a very sensible answer.

I agree with you, but not sure it was wise to put it so bluntly?

If this was a management meeting, then either the company should pay for a cash (or gift voucher if you must) bonus for everyone, or failing that, puts on a buffet/pays for a pub lunch for everyone - but there shouldn't be a 'policy' on personal gifting (unless it is to ban it) if it would oblige people to spend their own money.

I say start as you mean to continue.

I find there’s too much pussyfooting in work, then people moan about all the things they don’t enjoy.

They asked, you answered honestly- YANBU.

Start as you mean to go on 🙈

You are absolutely, unequivocally most definitely NOT being unreasonable and I am 100% in agreement with you!

Sometimes you need someone new to the business to speak the truth.

You’re an inspiration! I bet others were inwardly cheering you on for saying what they’ve thought for years 😄

Bit harsh! Everyone hates secret Santa but hardly anyone would say it!

I hate the idea of a round of drinks after work.
I don't drink alcohol and don't want to spend my free time with colleagues who I see all week, I want to go home to my family.
I don't know what a suitable alternative is but everyone is always quick to push to alcohol as a gift for everyone and it really isn't.

Exactly, at my last job I was all wishy washy about it and ended up buying presents Christmas and birthday for a team of 20!

Maybe so, but it takes a newbie to say what a lot of others might think but don't say because of tradition and because "it's always been like that".

These days people don't have the time or the money or the inclination.

So they'd all love someone like me to speak up...?

Yanbu

That's the thing about the gifts as well though. If you've got lots to buy, unless you're a passionate perfect present buyer, it's going to be something generic that won't suit everyone. Drinks after work are take it or leave it. The thought is there, but if you don't want it you're not saddled with a piece of tatt/ nothing ends up in landfill.

I wholly agree with your perspective OP, but I usually go with 'I prefer not to buy presents for colleagues because it just puts more pressure on people at an already busy time and of course everyone's finances are different so it could cause hardship'.

I always decline Secret Santa with 'I'd rather not join in, thank you'.

Luckily my current work does a charitable collection (which I bung in for).

I mean I agree with you it probably is nonsense, unless it's buying for someone who you work with who you also happen to be particularly friendly with, or maybe you wanted to acknowledge if a colleague has given any extra support etc. Everyone buying for everyone else would be daft though - perhaps they were suggesting something like a secret santa?

I think, being new to the company, I'd have said something like 'what do you usually do?' If they enthusiastically started telling me about secret santa or similar, that would have allowed me to recognise that it was something important to/ enjoyed by my new team and if I were new to the business I'd have probably just smiled and said 'sounds great' at least for this year. If they weren't sure or sounded like they thought it was all a ballache too I'd have gone with something like - 'how about we do drinks after work one night instead - first round on me' or 'let's make it easier for everyone and all chip in for some nice treats for the staffroom/ a take-out for lunch on the last Friday' etc.

You were asked and you did give your honest opinion, but I'd have left out the bit about 'passing parcels around that nobody wants' or 'can't be bothered with the emotional energy required' which doesn't come across particularly well I don't think. You say also it's about 'your staff' - it may be that some token of appreciation is expected from management in your new company so I'd have found out what the expectations were before pissing all over the concept!

That’s why Secret Santa is perfect for work situations. Suggest that.

Maybe just suggest a secret Santa for anyone who wants to join in, it’s optional and saves having to spend a small fortune.

Ooooh 🫣

I think I'd have just gone with a much more tactful "ahh nice you guys do that for each other, I've already got loads of people to buy for and find that stressy enough so count me out but I'll bring in some quality street for us all 😊"

You'll be legendary (if they let you stay)!