To have been honest about my feelings re Christmas presents at work

[Icefoot]

We had a team meeting. I'm new to the business.

Someone asked what we should do about presents for each other and the wider staff. I said personally I wouldn't bother, it's all a bit of a nonsense, just passing round parcels of things no one wants. I'm not good at present buying and I don't care about presents for me, which makes me hard to give the emotional energy required to get my staff decent gifts. I'd rather buy people a drink after work, although appreciate that doesn't suit everyone either, but the offer's there.

I was asked and I gave an honest answer...

But you said there was a deathly silence?

I’m with you. I can remember the deadly silence when I said I didn’t want to participate in Secret Santa.

This never used to be a thing!

I would have cheered!!!! Xmas has gone totally mad… I have been slowly paring it back for years… The massive amount of pressie buying is bonkers… even little pressies… too many people are spending money they can’t afford buying pressies that people don’t want, but they can’t seem to stop… I bet most people in the office will heave a collective sigh of relief at your no pressie suggestion… it will relieve some of the pressure that so many feel at Xmas 👏👏👏👏

There are other ways to suggest this doesn't need to happen that are more tactful and less killjoy than what you said.

Eg:

• flagging the environmental or sustainability angle and suggesting a charity drive instead
• suggesting an optional secret santa for those who enjoy it, to minimise waste/stress
• suggesting alternatives like pooling the money & buying some posh festive treats for the office for the friday before christmas

Did you give your opinion using a similar tone and wording to the way you've written your post? The fact that you're having to question whether you were reasonable to be 'honest' suggests that people didn't react well to your comments.

I personally don't like doing Christmas presents at work either, and if someone asked me what I thought about it, I'd admit that it wasn't something I was a fan of. But I wouldn't do that with a sneering rant, which is a bit how your post comes across. Especially as you're new to the team.

I'd say something like 'Well, presents are nice and it can be fun, but I think some people have so much on their plate at this time of year that it can feel like an extra chore to worry about - I know some people love it but there might be some people who feel like it's an extra thing to deal with at a busy and expensive time of year. Maybe we could put the money in the kitty for Christmas drinks, and treat each other that way? Or donate to charity? But if most people would rather do presents and that's worked well before, obviously more than happy to go with the flow - all teams are different!'

😂 well that was very direct.

At least they know how you feel and that you're someone who's not shy to say what they think.

Not a bad way to be known

Good for you - I used to dread birthdays, Xmas etc.

The best secret Santa I was ever part of was where you were your own! You bought the present you really wanted (£15 limit), wrapped how you wanted and then one afternoon, over mince pies, Xmas music etc, we all opened our presents! It was lovely and no-one was disappointed. One person got a box of expensive chocolates they really liked but always ended up sharing them with her family, so she kept the box in her desk at work, and ate them all with great joy and relish!

well done. easy to get out of hand

Totally agree.

I'm all for being honest and am often the person who'll say the 'thing that everyone else is thinking'.

But I'm also smart enough to know that this is probably not the best way to ingratiate yourself within a new company.

Think this the perfect example of 'if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything'.

I've done a charity secret santa which usually goes well as its fun, supports charity and no one ends up with tat they don't want. We set a £5 max and you buy something from a charity shop (actually there is some amazing stuff) and with one group of friends the challenge is a 'wacky' as possible (which really isn't hard!). Then we have fun opening the 'gifts' in the certain knowledge that most of them are going back to a charity shop. A bit of fun, no guilt and supporting a charity.

Oh GOD! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Megifer · Today 12:22

Oh ffs 🤣🤣🥰 CHOCS!!!

Heh! I was thinking it's a bit early to be thinking about Easter!

YANBU to offer your opinion.

For what it is worth, I completely agree with your opinion.

However there are ways of saying things that are much better. If you are new in to the team, and that's the way you are speaking to people, then YABU.

I absolutely agree with you OP and thankfully I’ve never worked anywhere that people buy Christmas presents for workmates. It’s just usually the manger giving everyone wine or chocolates.

And secret Santa was banned after someone took offence to a gift which was part of a private joke between the giver and receiver that the offended party wasn’t involved with.

Dear God, what fresh hell is this? I have never known a job where people give each other Xmas presents. OP, you were absolutely correct, so I hope you stick to your words.

Good for you OP. I agree with you.

I refuse to participate in secret Santa at work too.

Our team manager is the same as OP -
We all think he is a tight, miserable bastard 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

Good on you. If you were my colleague I would immediately befriend you as a fellow grown up !!

Ditto and I’d be joining you in the pub

@MidnightOnceMore that's good about a charity collection. I would arrange Crisis at Christmas meals or a donation to a local food bank and skip the tat.

Good on you! I also cringe at the whole secret santa bit and it usually being needless tat.
I will also much rather buy my colleagues a drink.

Yanbu. I did exactly the same when I started a new job. I have absolutely no interest in buying or receiving birthday or Christmas gifts from people I don't consider friends. I don't have time for this kind of nonsense (and I've seen the tat they buy each other 😂)

I would have been secretly applauding and thanking you. Actually not so secretly tbh.
Coffee and scones/cake, sweets or a drink out sounds a much better idea.

As a new manager it would have been better for you to ask what was the usual practice. No one cares about your personal opinion on present giving, they only asked you because you are filling a particular role.

Manners cost nothing, as the saying goes.

Presumably you're asking if YWBU because someone else is upset. A tactful approach could have had the same content, still been upfront and honest, but with less potential to upset, rather than let's not bother.

However, I also don't find it hard to establish during the year whether my directs drink, what they drink, or of they like choc/biscuits and send them a generic gift. I am not trying to show them how much I understand them emotionally, I'm sending them something nice and not offensive. No one has ever told me they think I'm a terrible person for not thinking about the perfect gift...