To have been honest about my feelings re Christmas presents at work

[Icefoot]

We had a team meeting. I'm new to the business.

Someone asked what we should do about presents for each other and the wider staff. I said personally I wouldn't bother, it's all a bit of a nonsense, just passing round parcels of things no one wants. I'm not good at present buying and I don't care about presents for me, which makes me hard to give the emotional energy required to get my staff decent gifts. I'd rather buy people a drink after work, although appreciate that doesn't suit everyone either, but the offer's there.

I was asked and I gave an honest answer...

Or they couldn't believe how mean you were and were shocked?

You really went for the jugular. Also it isn't clear: were you specifically asked ? Because you say "someone asked what we should do" suggesting it was a general question to the team.

If you weren't specifically asked and then jumped in with that, it's pretty brutal.

No, the silence was before anyone, including me spoke. Afterwards there was plenty of agreement and no one saying they were disappointed.

The team, 4 of us, were asked. Someone had to answer.

I kind of agree with you, but you were rude to be so blunt about it

Are you a "people love me or hate me like Marmite" person? If so, I can tell you that most people don't like that

Yanbu but I probably would've phrased it as "I'd rather be left out of any gift exchanges" rather than calling it a nonsense.

I'm not sure I agree this has reflected well on you OP or that you've transformed yourself into a festive saviour for persons unable to confidently express their true thoughts.

I don't think people should be placed under pressure to buy gifts for colleagues, and think secret santa should be optional (which it almost always is anyway) but calling something a lot of people clearly do want to participate in 'nonsense'. It all sounds a bit unnecessarily negative given the context of being new and in fact, having no idea what they all like at all or what the mood is.

If you're a more senior member of staff and have a dedicated team I'd not underestimate the importance of acknowledging thanks and goodwill in the festive season towards them. It often goes a long way. Yes there will be people who agree with you and couldn't care less either way but that does not mean it isn't a worthwhile gesture, especially when new to a business.

I think most people would agree with you, OP, given a free choice. Times are hard. If you manage other people, buying some nice biscuits for the team is a good gesture. Office secret santas I've been involved in always start off as a good idea but some people can't be bothered and just go and buy Roses (chocs) from the corner shop while others go to a lot of trouble. Generally I have found that people with children and large families to buy for consider it just another Christmas chore/expense.

But that creates exactly the situation the perosn asking wants to avoid, where everyone does their own thing meaning not all staff are treated the same.

If no one disagreed with you then I'm not sure why you're asking the question 🤷‍♀️ you clearly weren't unreasonable.

I think senior managers should at least contribute something to a joint gift for staff. Perhaps pay towards staff lunch or something like that.
I would hate drinks after work. I have more pressing things to so in my own time and don't drink anyway.

Just making conversation?

Your response was reasonable, but not politically astute as a newbie. I'd have been interested in hearing the general consensus before giving my view and even if it differed to that, would have phrased it more carefully.

what now? They re employees just like anyone else, why on earth should they spend their own money on work colleagues?

I am sure they all have more pressing things to spend their own money on!

Am SO with you. I worked somewhere where the secret Santa gift had to be the same as the receiver's initials!
I'm glad where I am I'm not in the clique who buy for each other. Birthdays etc. I put a fiver in for special ages. I get on with everyone. Just have my friends out of work.

I wouldn't worry about it. We were asked this year about a xmas team event and to vote for a date, my first question was, is this during the day or an after work event - said exactly like that. Because quite frankly I am not spending my time after work hanging out with people in my team who it known they don't like or respect me in very subtle ways (thinking I wont notice but I do).

I would imagine there was a deathly silence because people were rather taken aback by a new employee being so rude and blunt. I don't necessarily disagree with your sentiments, but you could have explained your views much less rudely.

OP, if you work in an environment where your reasonable comment caused any agitation or offence, good luck for having to deal with unprofessional and clearly bored co-workers 😂

Totally agree.
I find it hard enough coming up with ideas for my own family members let alone people I hardly know.

I'd rather contribue something towards an in office/work lunch/nibble/munch do.

I agree with the sentiment but think I’d have put it a bit more tactfully!

I read it as OP is the manager and at a managers meeting said they should neither buy for each other not for their teams.

If that's the case OP expect team morale to nose dive in the new year.

The silence was when the question was asked. My response didn't cause silence, far from it. If anyone had disagreed I'd have gone with the majority, but someone had to speak first.

What was rude?

A comment AFTER receiving a christmas present would have been unpleasant, an opinion shared by so many is just an opinion, there was nothing rude or personal about it.

In your shoes I'd feel the same, though I'd advocate a charity donation in its place.

Team morale will nose dive because leadership bought chocs and drinks instead of presents?

"Have you met the new rude girl yet?"