To have been honest about my feelings re Christmas presents at work

[Icefoot]

We had a team meeting. I'm new to the business.

Someone asked what we should do about presents for each other and the wider staff. I said personally I wouldn't bother, it's all a bit of a nonsense, just passing round parcels of things no one wants. I'm not good at present buying and I don't care about presents for me, which makes me hard to give the emotional energy required to get my staff decent gifts. I'd rather buy people a drink after work, although appreciate that doesn't suit everyone either, but the offer's there.

I was asked and I gave an honest answer...

Buying for 20 is ridiculous. I buy for my team of 4, but I won’t expect anything from them. The management team started a secret Santa last year, which I could do without, but isn’t dreadful.

Haven’t had a chance to read through all replies but imo YANBU. I admire the honesty tbh. It’s like at my place we’ve always done secret Santa but very few enjoy it, I personally find it a pain and get quite anxious about what to get and whether it’ll be liked etc. would much rather do away with it altogether. And I wouldn’t say I’m a bah humbug, I love Christmas, just not feeling forced to get gifts awkwardly! I think your suggestion of a drink after work (or maybe lunchtime last day before Christmas for those who would find after work tricky?) is a nice idea. People moan about “what if you don’t drink?” but I’m not a big drinker and would prob come along and have a soft drink but it’s the thought that counts and the chance to relax and say merry Christmas to your colleagues. Definitely think it’s better to be honest and to the point anyway (unlike my rambling reply) than to go along with something you’d rather not just because that’s what they’ve done before.

It is a massive waste of time, money and energy.

Well done! You're so right. The planet is choking, we need to stop buying and gifting.

Love this. An empathetic boss is worth so much more than one who gifts for the sake of it

You're all managers? This wasn't about teams buying gifts for each other but about whether you should buy them for your teams?

YABU, good managers buy small gifts of appreciation for their team at Christmas. I also buy them chocolate (or equivalent that they like) on their birthday too. It doesn't cost a lot and makes a lot of goodwill.

You sound pretty misserable about it tbh. Just because you're crap at gift buying doesn't mean ebveyone is. It's a bit arrogant to assume everyone isn't bothered like you are too.

They asked for people's opinions and the OP gave hers. What's wrong with that?

With the cost of living crisis it's virtually certain that she won't be the only person who doesn't want to buy Christmas presents for the entire team.

Surely it's Secret Santa or nothing?

I find gift giving and gift receiving draining and stressful. It would be the best gift for me not having this to add to my mental load. Secret Santa is more plastic tat and money in Amazon’s coffers. Even among friends and family, I ran out of ideas years ago (for me and them) so we find other ways of celebrating now.

'I prefer not to buy presents for colleagues because it just puts more pressure on people at an already busy time and of course everyone's finances are different so it could cause hardship'.

That's what I'd have said too. The way your responded @Icefoot , sounded grumpy and selfish, and about you not wanting to be bothered. The above comes over much better, and demonstrates consideration for others. It achieves the same result without sounding tight and unappreciative of your team.

Yep, no one wants those gifts.

I propose, as an alternative to Secret Santa tat, culturally-insensitive drinks, and overpriced meals out, a Xmas coffee morning/afternoon with "bring and sell" mince pies, chocs, etc to raise money for Shelter, Women's Aid, Samaritans, or another charity that gets heavily called on at Xmas. The great thing about coffee mornings and bake sales is that people can engage as much or as little as they like.

I will happily nip into a cake event, drop off my contribution, buy what I want, and scarper. The more sociable can hang around and talk about whatever it is that neurotypicals talk about to each other.

I’d have thought “Wow, what a miserable Pratt she is..”

It does cause issues in the workplace. There's been court cases and changes in policy because drinks after work can be indirect discrimination. Anyone rushing to the childminder/take over caring responsibilities etc is cut out. It means only part of the team benefits.
I agree with stopping gift buying, unless you are a manager and it's the norm. Gift vouchers and a box of chocolates is easy enough to do. We had winter Wednesday, were we'd all contribute to food/takeaway, or bring buffet stuff in.

We have a secret Santa at work, I’ve been here 4 years and never done it. They put a list up and you write your name down if you want to take part. They always ask me and I always say No! I hate buying presents, I don’t want to have another to buy for.

I opted out of SS by saying I have quite a lot of tat already and don’t need more. The person looked shocked and I immediately thought oh dear-said the wrong thing! When it got round, a couple of people came up to me and said they felt the same! I’d easily contribute to a charity collection. I’ve also said no to the Christmas party as I just said I’m anti social and don’t like big crowds. People tried to persuade me-we get on very well at work, I like my colleagues but don’t want to drive to hotel, eat canteen Christmas dinner and stay sober to drive home again-would rather see my family or friends. This is the first year I’ve been honest about the Christmas party-I’d always made excuses before or guilt tripped into going and the n
honesty feels liberating!

Not taxable but maybe taxing!

I thought this. If I shared a potentially controversial opinion and was met with deathly silence I wouldn’t assume it meant everyone whole heartedly agreed with me!

Bravo OP!

Now, what's your stand on party bags?

They'll just have to sort team morale between the three of them if they don't agree.

Then YOU should've spoken first.

No point being all thinky after the event,

You’re right in the content but you could have delivered it in a far more pragmatic tone and read the room a bit more.

You need to put this into context. We’re you the first and only one to speak?
there are ways to give your opinion with more tact.
I agree with you 100% but I would word my response a lot more carefully. (I’m autistic and that’s why I think what I do about Christmas presents,” being silly, but I also know I need to pause and answer with care, and the awareness that others think differently)

I agree with your point and think that it’s great that you’re confident enough to be honest.

I would have waited to understand the team culture and personalities of the group, before extending my honesty.

I would also reconsider the vocabulary you are using and the reasoning you’re giving. Someone who does not know you, may feel that you’re being lazy or not festive, or a non-team player. Maybe giving to a charity, or having a drop off at a food bank, some time helping at a soup kitchen…may have gone down better?

I've got a direct team of nearly 30 people... Being a manager really doesn't mean that I've got much spare money. I brought in a armful of treats for everyone last year, but I'm pretty sure they all expected more. The expectation that a manager should buy a gift for everyone isn't always a fair one.

I like your style OP.

If I was in that meeting I'd be very impressed that someone had the guts to speak up.