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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Entrance exam vs lunch

253 replies

Ivesaidenough · 01/11/2023 22:45

We have agreed to go to a lunch my PIL are holding for their anniversary, it was planned and booked several months ago. Lots of people, not just us, fancy restaurant.
Since then, one of the schools DS was meant to be applying for has released their entrance exam date, and it's on the same day. It's our nearest school, and the most likely to offer DS a scholarship. We can't afford private school without one. DP says DS can't go now as we've already agreed to the lunch.

AIBU to still want DS to do the exam?

OP posts:
ConflictedCheetah · 01/11/2023 22:48

I would prioritise the exam and hope family would understand. If lots of people are going you won't be missed but I'd plan something special your DS and you can do another time to make it to to them

category12 · 01/11/2023 22:48

Your partner's off his rocker.

He goes to the lunch. You take your son to the exam.

towriteyoumustlive · 01/11/2023 22:49

Your DH is a dick.

Education and your son's future comes first.

Your PIL will understand.

(And if they don't they're also dicks!)

Dinglewoop · 01/11/2023 22:51

I'd let DS do exam whilst you go to lunch and plan another time for DS to see PIL. Can you get family/ friends on your side to babysit for exam? As then you and partner can be fully focused on lunch. PIL should want DS to get into the best school.

Notimeforaname · 01/11/2023 22:53

Your partner is either stupid, mad or a mean prick.
Child's education is more important than a lunch ffs.

Alargeoneplease89 · 01/11/2023 22:55

How utterly ridiculous not sending DS for an Important once in a lifetime exam over lunch. Surely lunch can be cancelled or you and DS don't go.

Your DP is an idiot, my DH would always put our kids first especially their education.

Is he the child's father?

minipie · 01/11/2023 22:56

Most private schools will offer a back up date. It’s worth asking. Although tbf it is usually used in case of unavoidable commitments rather than “grandparents anniversary lunch”.

If there isn’t an alternative date I think it’s clear the exam wins. Does DP not really want DS to go private perhaps? Or to this school?

OrigamiOwl · 01/11/2023 22:57

Your DH has his priorities wrong here.

ConflictedCheetah · 01/11/2023 22:57

Dinglewoop · 01/11/2023 22:51

I'd let DS do exam whilst you go to lunch and plan another time for DS to see PIL. Can you get family/ friends on your side to babysit for exam? As then you and partner can be fully focused on lunch. PIL should want DS to get into the best school.

I wouldn't even do this. I wouldn't consider a babysitter/someone else taking DS on such a big day when he's likely to.be nervous. DH goes to lunch and OP takes son to.exam.

StarlightinWC1 · 01/11/2023 22:59

Contact the school. They usually have a second exam day for kids who were sick on the day or have clashes with other schools' exams.

KrisAkabusi · 01/11/2023 23:00

StarlightinWC1 · 01/11/2023 22:59

Contact the school. They usually have a second exam day for kids who were sick on the day or have clashes with other schools' exams.

Nonsense. Just do the exam. A lunch isn't worth risking not getting into the school.

Alargeoneplease89 · 01/11/2023 23:04

StarlightinWC1 · 01/11/2023 22:59

Contact the school. They usually have a second exam day for kids who were sick on the day or have clashes with other schools' exams.

They don't give you a second exam date because lunch plans clash

Schlurp · 01/11/2023 23:07

I would hope the grandparents would support your son doing the exam.

skgnome · 01/11/2023 23:08

In my experience entrance exams are in the morning, finishing after lunch… DS goes to the exam and after you pick him up and he makes an appearance at the anniversary lunch, which I’m assuming will take several hours

LakeTiticaca · 01/11/2023 23:10

Thats ridiculous. Surely there will.be other opportunities to go out for lunch!!

ReadingSoManyThreads · 01/11/2023 23:10

YANBU

Your DP is a complete DICK.

hellywelly3 · 01/11/2023 23:12

Child’s future trumps PIL

Blanketpolicy · 01/11/2023 23:16

Why is your dh prioritising a lunch?

Does he not take any interest in the "boring" bits of parenting?

Does he not care about his sons future?

Is he scared of his parents?

Is he saying it because he knows you will over rule him and he can then blame you for missing lunch?

None are particularly attractive qualities!

RedHelenB · 01/11/2023 23:21

I'd prioritise the lunch. Sounds as though you can't really afford private school

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/11/2023 23:22

Your husband is choosing to be a son, and not a father.

I would be ripping him a new one, and taking my son to sit the entrance exam.

bridgetreilly · 01/11/2023 23:24

Obviously he should do the exam, and the grown ups in his life should all support this.

Maryofscots · 01/11/2023 23:25

I'm surprised this is even a thing to argue about! Exam definitely

jlpth · 01/11/2023 23:26

You partner is a fuckwit.

He can go to the lunch, you take ds to the school.

My PILs would have been furious if one of their GC missed an opportunity like that due to having a father who is unable to see what's important.

edwinbear · 01/11/2023 23:33

Your DS sits the exam. Even if there is a back up date, it’s quite usual that a candidate who sits the back up date isn’t eligible to be considered for scholarship. Are your in laws aware of the clash? Even if your DH doesn’t agree sure DS’s grandparents would encourage him to sit the exam?!

JudgeJ · 01/11/2023 23:34

Schlurp · 01/11/2023 23:07

I would hope the grandparents would support your son doing the exam.

I'm a grandparent and would be appalled if my grandchild was made to come to lunch instead of sitting an entrance exam!

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