Entrance exam vs lunch

[Ivesaidenough]

We have agreed to go to a lunch my PIL are holding for their anniversary, it was planned and booked several months ago. Lots of people, not just us, fancy restaurant.
Since then, one of the schools DS was meant to be applying for has released their entrance exam date, and it's on the same day. It's our nearest school, and the most likely to offer DS a scholarship. We can't afford private school without one. DP says DS can't go now as we've already agreed to the lunch.

AIBU to still want DS to do the exam?

I'm assuming the lunch and exam are on a Saturday because you wouldn't be taking your son out of school to go to lunch?

Anyhoo - it goes like this: "Hello, MiL & FiL, unfortunately your DGS and I can't come to lunch as he has an exam he cannot miss that day."

NVM. Added an edit I can't delete. That was answered in the op. Dunno how I skipped it. The first part still valid.

@Ivesaidenough
Your OH is a dunce.

If I knew one of my grandsons was taking an important exam I would be more pissed if their father didn't take them.

And even though a PP said getting a scholarship wasn't a done deal, your son definitely won't get it if he doesn't take the exam.

Good luck to your son.

That's a stunt my child's father would pull... It's saying something indirectly to you (and your son). Its really not 'this is a super important lunch for my parents' it's more likely 'i don't want DS to go to private school' or 'i don't think DS is smart enough to go so don't get their hopes up'.

If he understands what the entrance exam is, and he values the opportunity for his son, then he wouldn't suggest just not going.

Or I could be projecting.

This ☝️

This is the only solution I’d countenance.

No way would I have my child miss such an important educational opportunity.

And I wouldn’t be discussing/negotiating any further, because I wouldn’t allow him any room that scuppers that plan.

Contact school with a very good reason why he can’t make that day.
They will usually make other arrangements in my experience.

I’ve never heard of the entire family joining in with someone else’s wedding anniversary celebration.

Why would someone else celebrate the length of your marriage.

Why is them being married for another year more important than your child’s exam.

Your DS can literally see them any other day but this exam is on this day only.

I wouldn’t think twice about it.
He goes to the exam and you take him out for a meal afterwards, if there’s not time to join the rest of the family.

Your DH is being a bit of a dick and I wonder why.

She doesn’t need to rearrange it.

He’ll be missing a meal out, not a funeral or life saving surgery.

@Itsnotchristmasyet seriously have you never heard of celebrations for silver/pearl/Ruby/golden weddings? It’s quite something to have been married for 40 years or more.

But he could potentially do both?!
Why not at least make the effort to ask?
Both my kids have gone through this process and that is what I would do. I would ring and ask if they make provision for children who are away or sick on that day.

There will be another date or alternative arrangements.
What about kids who are I’ll or perhaps on holiday?

And if it is an important anniversary like a 40th then I do think someone ought at least make an effort to find out if it’s a possibility that he could do both.
These entrance exams are usually finished by lunchtime anyway aren’t they?

OP, does your DH maybe not want your son to get into this school?. Some parents subconsciously (or not!) sometimes feel like they're being outdone by their children. Is there a chance this is a unconscious sabotage?

Btw another vote for you taking DS to the entrance exam.

No never!

I understand couples celebrating it of course but it seems odd to me that others would celebrate the length of someone else’s marriage.

Would anyone truly care if someone’s been married for 20 years or 40 years.

If they wanted people to come for a meal to celebrate with them then I absolutely would to be supportive, but only if I was free.
I wouldn’t cancel important plans because of it.

Absolutely prioritise the exam. Your DP is insane to think that going to a lunch trumps your child’s educational future.

If I was the grandparent here I would absolutely insist that the exam is more important than the lunch.

Really? Never heard of anyone having a celebration for their silver/gold anniversary. It's quite normal! We had an absolutely lovely garden party for our silver wedding, surrounded by our friends and family.

And I've been to several for my friends - not because I particularly care how long they've been married, but because I care about them.

But I do agree that the school entrance exam should take priority, as it can't be moved, and it could affect the next few years of his life.

Is dh on board with a private school and all the fees and commitments even with a scholarship? Remind him your ds needs to be there. Are you able to collect ds later to join whatever is still going on?

Of course the exam should be prioritised. DH can go to the lunch alone. Your son's education is exponentially more important than this lunch party and any family member who doesn't see that is an absolute idiot. My niece didn't come to a big family gathering that haf been planned for months simply because it was the open day for a school they were considering, and no one batted an eyelid because you don't muck about with such fripperies when focusing on the education future of your 10/11 yo.

Dont ask DP to check. I would check myself!!

I'm always the first to say to honour commitments.

But not when it's 5-7 years of schooling Vs 1 lunch!

Your dh can go to lunch. You take ds to the exam - and best of luck to him

Why would anyone care about celebrating the anniversary of someone else's birth either?
Birthdays are ridiculous
And weddings, if I don't care how long you have Bern married I am hardly going to care if you have only been married a few hours am I?

Absolutely let him sit the exam. It is an amazing opportunity for your son. Join them afterwards if time allows

I agree.

I would go to be supportive to my friends/family but I wouldn’t cancel my important plans to go, unless it was perhaps for a child’s celebration.

Where does it stop.
Celebrating a new job, maybe.
Celebrating being there a year, 2 years etc, seems a bit silly.

I wouldn’t want anyone cancelling important plans just to come to my birthday, wedding, wedding anniversary, funeral, new job celebration etc.