Entrance exam vs lunch

[Ivesaidenough]

We have agreed to go to a lunch my PIL are holding for their anniversary, it was planned and booked several months ago. Lots of people, not just us, fancy restaurant.
Since then, one of the schools DS was meant to be applying for has released their entrance exam date, and it's on the same day. It's our nearest school, and the most likely to offer DS a scholarship. We can't afford private school without one. DP says DS can't go now as we've already agreed to the lunch.

AIBU to still want DS to do the exam?

Absolute no brainer, go to the exam. Please don’t ask the school for an alternative date because your lunch plans clashed.

Education comes first. It's ridiculous to miss an exam for a meal! Any decent grandparent would understand.
Also what happens if your child is ill when the second test date comes around? Is there another sitting after that or will he have missed his chance altogether?

Go for your sons examHe is so lucky so don’t miss the opportunity you’ll regret it This is a once in a lifetime and the grandparents should be understanding and so your husband who should support the child what a mean man

Me too. I definitely would have insisted that he went to the exam.

I actually can’t believe you need to ask if you are the one in the wrong! I would question your husbands sanity if he genuinely thinks your child should miss the entrance exam for a lunch!

How far away is the lunch? You may find that you can do both - even if you miss the lunch itself you might be able to join for coffee etc afterwards. And it should be far enough ahead to be able to cancel the food without penalty

Relieved it worked out OK in the end. And to the poster who says that they always have alternative exam dates this simply isn't true, in most cases all the children take the same exam and there would be obvious opportunities for cheating if the later batches of children knew any of the questions.

Why would your partner be that selfish.

OP, just to flag that a PP said child ten who sit the alternative date aren’t eligible for a scholarship. I’ve never heard of this personally but it might be worth checking with the school.

*children

There will be many, many opportunities for nice meals with family. Opportunities for scholarships do not come along very often. He can go eat with the family, you take your son to the exam. If they complain, tell them to eff off!! This is your child's future!!

It's not just a meal though is it? OP referred to it as a lunch, but it's actually a party for a big anniversary, which happens to be taking the form of a fancy lunch with lots of guests, that required months of planning.

I'm not saying that it should take precedence over the exam for the boy and one of the parents, but I'm getting weary of the many "it's just lunch" posts.

Don’t be “weary” @saraclara

especially considering you’re wrong! 😂

OP: We have agreed to go to a lunch my PIL are holding for their anniversary,

no where is the word “party” used. It’s a celebratory lunch in a restaurant.

It's a fancy restaurant and big group meal. It's a big deal to the in-laws no doubt.

But I don't think any grandparents worth their salt would expect a grandchild to miss an educational opportunity for the sake of it.

Oh absolutely it will be a big deal.

but it is categorically not a “party”

if I was the grandparent In this scenario, I would be so upset to even think that my son thought of prioritising my anniversary meal over my grandson’s opportunity

If I was the grandparent, I would say

“well this is brilliant news!!! Perfect opportunity my another mini celebratory meal and this time with my grandson!”

I had this recently - exam on the same day we were supposed to be going down to stay with MIL for her 80th celebrations.

She fully understood, though. It's your child's future. You can't prioritise a lunch over that.

It depends on your definition of a party of course. But something that's been months in the planning, involves a lot of guests, and is at a fancy restaurant sounds like something that my generation (I'm guessing the same as OP's in-laws) would probably see as a party, albeit a rather refined one.

Either way, it's not 'just a lunch' that could be had any time. And either way, if it was my celebration, I'd absolutely understand if my grandson couldn't be there because of an exam.

One lunch versus you child's future.......hmmmmm....yeah, yet the lunch.

@Ivesaidenough , I think you are making a massive mistake with your DCs schooling here. Ring the school yourself about the scholarship.

Oh, and your ‘DH’ is an idiot.

I try to seen all points of view, I really do.
But in this case, I can't.
Yes we should honour prior commitments but in these circumstances, no not reasonable to expect it.
DS deserves all the loving support he can get before and on the day of the exam.
My best wishes for his succes.

PIL will be disappointed you can't all be there, but if they they don't offer their total support too, I'm shocked.

So it was a non problem then

what a pointless post

I cannot believe anyone would even consider attending the lunch over sitting the entrance exam. If I were your in laws I would be horrified to learn that grandson had missed an entrance exam to attend the lunch.

Take your son for the exam, is there any way afterwards you could meet PIL for coffee afterwards, not sure on distance, or time for entrance exam?

You need to think about your son and his future. This exam is the priority not the lunch and your partner needs to understand that. He should go to the lunch whilst you look after your son.