Entrance exam vs lunch

[Ivesaidenough]

We have agreed to go to a lunch my PIL are holding for their anniversary, it was planned and booked several months ago. Lots of people, not just us, fancy restaurant.
Since then, one of the schools DS was meant to be applying for has released their entrance exam date, and it's on the same day. It's our nearest school, and the most likely to offer DS a scholarship. We can't afford private school without one. DP says DS can't go now as we've already agreed to the lunch.

AIBU to still want DS to do the exam?

Is this a joke? ... Entrance exam, no brainer. I'd also have second thoughts about the H.

DS’s education is more important than a lunch. Send your apologies and explain, your DH will go to the lunch. I would call to explain and apologise myself in case DH doesn’t explain properly.

This is a no brainer. Do the exam.

Exam and lunch - they tend to be in the morning for private schools

You prioritise your child as their exam. I recently had to move flights and hotel date as we had booked a city break for half term and the for dates through for an exam and also a rehearsal schedule my child needed to be at for their drama school. I changed the dates so our flight was after the exam and we were back on time for the rehearsals - which were also compulsory for a professional performance people pay to watch.

We would definitely prioritise an entrance exam over an anniversary lunch.

Is the lunch a bottomless brunch

7 year’s schooling v lunch?

if I was your PIL I would be shocked and appalled by your DH’s attitude.

You and your Ds missing lunch doesn’t mean you don’t love and respect your PIL. It doesn’t come down to an event. I dare say they will be disappointed not to see you and their DGS, but that doesn’t mean he should miss the exam.

WTAF?!!!

Stop entertaining him.
Just take your son to the exam. He is being ridiculous.

What do the PILs think? Surely they can't also think it's more important that their grandchild goes to their anniversary lunch? Maybe they can talk some sense into your DH, if they don't have a problem with it, how can he? If they do agree with him, you have my sympathies, you've married into a horrid family.

That’s very interesting to read. For me it really highlights how individual people’s experiences can be. My experience of my private schools was very different but my circumstances were also very different. My parents could afford to send me to private school and did. I’ve chosen to not even consider sending my children although we could have afforded it if I had stayed working full time. But I was definitely influenced by my constant struggle to value contentment over attainment. And one of our children went to a grammar school which unfortunately (for me) seems to increasingly place attainment as it’s solo and overriding aim. But your experience has made me pause and really see the value of scholarships because like pp while at the schools I only noticed the children who struggled because their family couldn’t really afford to send them.

It’s so ridiculous. It’s about your DC’s future. PIL’s marriage won’t stop if DC is not coming to the lunch.

So no child who has a scholarship or a bursary should be at a private school, by that logic.

If I were your PIL, OP, I'd be encouraging you to miss the lunch. You can have lunch any time.

🙄

My god some of these comments. this one is ridiculous! I’ve celebrated many family members long marriages. It’s a lovely thing. you sound quite bitter and not married yourself

Since your DP obviously feels so bad about telling his parents that you'll miss/be late for their lunch, maybe he cam ask them to contribute towards your DS's school fees so he won't need a scholarship if he gets a place. Perhaps he'd prefer to have that conversation instead.

He sounds like a bit of an arse.

Your DP is a total dick for denying your ds the opportunity. Really nothing more to say, it shouldn’t even be a discussion.

i put YANBU.
you said it was fair for DS to sit the test like his older brothers did. Are they at the school? Or did they not get a scholarship so couldn’t attend? Is the prospect of your son not being successful and feelings of disappointment underpinning DP’s attitude? Plus embarrassment/ reluctance to tell his parents ?

Honestly amazed 1% say YABU!

@Mumof2teens79

It sounds like your DP is on a very different page when it comes to education....and unlike many here I don't necessarily think scholarship to private school is all its cracked up to be. Very very few get full scholarship, if lucky you may get 10% off fees, and have to reapply every year.
If gis brothers didn't get in, it's going to be difficult having them in different schools with different opportunities and different costs.

It's true that private school is not a golden ticket but you'd have to be living in a parallel universe to think it wasn't worth taking a shot at this. And the idea that a lunch with grandparents would take priority over this is loony tunes. Obviously it's a long shot but why wouldn't you take the shot?

As a PP suggested its so obvious that he should take the exam that it makes me wonder if your DP is deliberately sabotaging the idea.

Does he have low aspirations? Is he an inverse snob or does he have hangups about it not being for People Like Us? If he does you need to take control of the situation pronto. You really don't want your partner's small minded attitudes being allowed to dictate your children's chances. This particular chance may not be the one but it's more of a mindet.... what happens if your child does get a place at the school and your DP sabotages it in other ways?

You need to put your foot down about this.

Your partner is being seriously weird.

It’s just an anniversary not a wedding or funeral.

Obviously your child shouod do the exam but how you manage your stupid selfish partner I have no idea.

You could ask the school if they have a fall back date but if you ask them for god’s sake don’t tell them its to attend a family lunch you’ll make the family sound like idiots who aren’t serious about education and that is not a good look when applying for scholarships. Fallback dates are intended for children who are applying to lots of schools and have two exams clashing with each other.

Shocking advice,best ignored. Exam is a significant event with far reaching consequences
Lunch,well, it’s just a lunch
Dont cancel the exam - prioritise it

Can't you explain any more OP? This is batshit. Why are you even entertaining the idea of lunch?

How many of those saying the exam is more important have, or plan to have their child sit exams for all the local private schools if it's that important?

Obviously do the exam

It's a great opportunity and if can get into a better school

Dp is being a twat. He can go to the meal and hopefully you and ds can join later or go back to theirs if want to