Page 22 | To be envious that Victoria Coren Mitchell has a second baby at 51

Monetm · 2023-11-01T21:57:00+00:00

[[https://www.ok.co.uk/tv/breaking-victoria-coren-mitchell-baby-31338022.amp https://www.ok.co.uk/tv/breaking-victoria-coren-mitchell-baby-31338022.amp]] Just that, really. I’m sure there will be a lot of posts on here about it’s too old and she should have done it sooner, but given that she didn’t, I am envious that she has the money and the luck and the situation to be able to do it now. Can you imagine how different women’s lives would be if we just didn’t have to worry so much about the end of our fertility?

Firefly1987 · 02/11/2023 23:52

LadyChilli · 02/11/2023 21:45

Same and it's quite unpleasant reading posts where people are clearly resentful of their parents for not being younger. I am healthy, fit and energetic and fully intend to do everything in my power to see DS well into adulthood.

Show quote history

It's so clear parents are the only ones allowed to have opinions on anything, if you say you missed out having older parents you're "resentful" oh but if you missed out on having kids there's nothing but sympathy. I shrugged off never having kids because it's not some great tragedy to me. Obviously is to some people though, and I don't think people would like to have their feelings dismissed just because to me it'd be no big deal.

Yesyoucant · 03/11/2023 01:54

Heb1996 · 02/11/2023 20:14

@Yesyoucant well you were obviously lucky enough to be able to plan your family so that you had them at the age you wanted to. Not everyone is so fortunate. I married at 19 and imagined that I would probably complete my family by the mid to late twenties. As it happens, my husband died 14 months after our wedding before we had a chance to have any children at all and I stayed single for another 14 years. I then met my second husband at 32 and married at 34. Started trying to conceive at 36 and encountered difficulties. Ended up doing IVF and was lucky enough to have my first baby at 40 and conceived naturally at 45. Life is sometimes sh!t and you can’t plan everything. You just have to be grateful for the blessings that you do have. It might have been better to have had kids in my 20s but I think I’m a far better mother in my 40s than I ever would have been in my 20s. I wish the Coren Mitchell’s all the best with their new baby.

Not directed anyone, so calm down. I'm sharing my thoughts on having a baby at 51, and for the record experience several years of unexplained infertility for the 2nd actually. I'm sorry you had a hard time but that wasn't my fault.

ThinWomansBrain · 03/11/2023 02:02

So you don’t think lifelong childlessness would be worse?

some people choose not to have children - just because you don't consider your life complete without children, don't assume that everyone shares your wants.

Maybe if the NHS didn't spend £80m a year (2018 data) on IVF it could treat more people that are sick.

StarlightLady · 03/11/2023 05:33

The baby? No! I’m a little envious of her doing the baby making business with him though! 😀

Wisenotboring · 03/11/2023 06:53

Good Morning What GIF by Party Down South

So many people are raising their hands jnnhorror saying they couldn't start all over again at that age and they Re exhausted with their 27 old. I think it's really significant that they aren't starting all over again. They aren't eating out with 10 year sleep deficit from.raising 3 small children in their 20s. Like I say, it wouldn't be my choice, but doing it for the first time is very different from doing it once then starting all over again. I also know long-term Foster carers of similar ages with small children and they are doing an amazing job of giving them the best start in life. Much better that the one they might have had with their much younger biological parents.

Wisenotboring · 03/11/2023 06:54

Not sure where the picture came from!!!!

Finlesswonder · 03/11/2023 07:02

She obviously isn't going to be "tired just thinking about a baby at 51" because she hasn't had shit loads of kids stuff to juggle up until now. She isn't going to be as tired as someone who at 51 is seeing her 3 kids come of age.

Personally I think if our biology allowed it more often this is totally the right way around to do it. People who have their kids young may get a "second lease of life" once they are in their 40s/50s and their kids are all grown up but realistically that doesn't compare to the sense of utter footloose freedom that comes with doing exactly what you want in your 20s and 30s with the sense that you have your whole life in front of you.

I would totally rather have my kids in my 50s

ginandtonicwithlimes · 03/11/2023 07:25

ThinWomansBrain · 03/11/2023 02:02

So you don’t think lifelong childlessness would be worse?

some people choose not to have children - just because you don't consider your life complete without children, don't assume that everyone shares your wants.

Maybe if the NHS didn't spend £80m a year (2018 data) on IVF it could treat more people that are sick.

And if you don't offer IVF then you would need the NHS to spend a lot on mental health services and suicide prevention.

FWIW infertility is classed as a medical condition and so why shouldn't it be funded to overcome it?

PinkNailpolish · 03/11/2023 07:55

maddiemookins16mum · 02/11/2023 11:52

Good for her. Nobody tends to say much when someone becomes a Dad at 51, in fact it’s often applauded.
Let’s face it, yes she’s older but I’d imagine they have the finances to get extra help.

I think late 40s and 50s is too old to be a mum or dad for a baby. Might not seem old at the time, but that baby grows up and becomes demanding and the parents grow older and more tired. My mum's dad was in his late 40s and mum early 30s when my mum was born. Her dad was dead before my mum's 13th birthday. My parents had us in their 20s.

user14699084664 · 03/11/2023 08:30

Finlesswonder · 03/11/2023 07:02

She obviously isn't going to be "tired just thinking about a baby at 51" because she hasn't had shit loads of kids stuff to juggle up until now. She isn't going to be as tired as someone who at 51 is seeing her 3 kids come of age.

Personally I think if our biology allowed it more often this is totally the right way around to do it. People who have their kids young may get a "second lease of life" once they are in their 40s/50s and their kids are all grown up but realistically that doesn't compare to the sense of utter footloose freedom that comes with doing exactly what you want in your 20s and 30s with the sense that you have your whole life in front of you.

I would totally rather have my kids in my 50s

But they are going to have “shit loads of kids stuff to juggle” when they’re in their 60’s and 70’s…

Cronk · 03/11/2023 08:56

There's really no benefit to having children at 51 compared to 31 or even 41 @Finlesswonder

Having help from your parents is super helpful and not something people are likely to have if we're all having babies at 51. Grandparents would be 102 (dead) for a start.

Finlesswonder · 03/11/2023 08:56

But they are going to have “shit loads of kids stuff to juggle” when they’re in their 60’s and 70’s…

Which is around about the time a lot of people are getting roped into juggling grandkid stuff...

Cronk · 03/11/2023 08:58

The thing is, if long do get pregnant at 51 or so, it will be a happy time. But it's far from ideal.

In the case of David and his wife, they already had money 10 years ago. It's not like they've only just become stable enough to bring a child into the world ten years from retirement.

Reugny · 03/11/2023 09:15

Finlesswonder · 03/11/2023 08:56

But they are going to have “shit loads of kids stuff to juggle” when they’re in their 60’s and 70’s…

Which is around about the time a lot of people are getting roped into juggling grandkid stuff...

I know people who have been foster parents at that age.....

Reugny · 03/11/2023 09:17

Cronk · 03/11/2023 08:56

There's really no benefit to having children at 51 compared to 31 or even 41 @Finlesswonder

Having help from your parents is super helpful and not something people are likely to have if we're all having babies at 51. Grandparents would be 102 (dead) for a start.

Some people never have help from their grandparents - they are either dead, infirm, live to far away, or don't want to help.

PloddingAlong21 · 03/11/2023 09:40

Personally I feel it’s a bit selfish. Energy levels of (majority, not all at 51) aren’t the highest. Bloody exhausting running after kids.

However that’s not the issue it’s that you’re going to be elderly and dependant on them at a time they’re still growing and need you (again not all the time but for the vast majority).

Someone in their twenties caring for you like a grandparent when they want to share their young adulthood is really sad. You’ll miss being an involved grandparent and seeing all the firsts etc

SurprisedWithAHorse · 03/11/2023 09:48

Personally I feel it’s a bit selfish.

Under what circumstances is choosing to have children not selfish?

Cronk · 03/11/2023 09:49

Some people never have help from their grandparents - they are either dead, infirm, live to far away, or don't want to help.

Yes but most do. Between you and your partner, you'll have 4 parents. Unlikely for a pair of 30 year olds to have no healthy or living parents.

If we're all having babies at 51 there is precisely zero chance that they can provide any help.

Cronk · 03/11/2023 09:51

I don't want to seem like I'm having a go at this couple, I really do like David Mitchell and good on him and his wife.

But it is quite silly to say that it's better to be that old. I'm willing to bet even they would have preferred to be 10-15 years younger.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 03/11/2023 09:57

Cronk · 03/11/2023 09:51

I don't want to seem like I'm having a go at this couple, I really do like David Mitchell and good on him and his wife.

But it is quite silly to say that it's better to be that old. I'm willing to bet even they would have preferred to be 10-15 years younger.

In which case, do you not think this might not have been a choice? Especially with an eight year gap between this and their first?

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 03/11/2023 10:12

I don’t believe that having a baby at 51 is a great idea for anyone. Risk of issues is high and you’re taking a big gamble with your own health and being able to see your child through to adulthood being fit and healthy. For many it would mean the child caring responsibilities for their aging parents while starting out in life or raising their own young families, which isn’t ideal. Stuff can happen at any age blah blah blah, but it’s no where near as likely to happen if you’re younger and pretending it is is just mad.

however they have plenty of money and can buy in nannies etc if they’re struggling and will be able to pay for as much care as they’ll need when older. So maybe for the wealthy it’s not such a concern (not right, but money does help).

EtonMessy · 03/11/2023 11:31

Cronk · 03/11/2023 09:49

Some people never have help from their grandparents - they are either dead, infirm, live to far away, or don't want to help.

Yes but most do. Between you and your partner, you'll have 4 parents. Unlikely for a pair of 30 year olds to have no healthy or living parents.

If we're all having babies at 51 there is precisely zero chance that they can provide any help.

I was in my 30’s and a parent when we lost both of my parents and my husband’s parents, so no having children at a young age doesn't at all guarantee you’ll have grandparents to help you out ! My parents and husbands parent both had us in their 20s and 30’s but all still died young by todays standards.

Reugny · 03/11/2023 12:05

EtonMessy · 03/11/2023 11:31

I was in my 30’s and a parent when we lost both of my parents and my husband’s parents, so no having children at a young age doesn't at all guarantee you’ll have grandparents to help you out ! My parents and husbands parent both had us in their 20s and 30’s but all still died young by todays standards.

Show quote history

Apparently you are an anomaly according to @Cronk

One thing I did forget is some of my friends' children only remaining grandparent who is willing and able to help them is actually my friends' step-parent.

PerceptionIsReality · 03/11/2023 12:10

I agree - good luck to her. It's certainly not for me, I had my last at 40 (and 1 week) and I felt knackered but then I did not have the resources that she does and that does make a big difference (and I'm by no means badly off).

What I would say though, is that my parents are now early 70s and as much as 40 is the new 30 and so on and so on, she will be 71 whilst her child is still at student age. I feel the burden of my parents (obviously the love too) and it is a lot to put onto a just out of teens. No matter what resources are available then, a parent hitting that kind of age is hard to deal with.

Ilovecakey · 03/11/2023 12:24

Shalopea · 02/11/2023 02:09

It’s very likely she has used another woman’s eggs to conceive these children, as even at 43 the chances of IVF working are extremely slim (5%). I have ethical objections to this practice, so I don’t see this as a positive story.

That's not true at all, yes 50 maybe pushing it but plenty of people have natural pregnancies in their 40's my own mum had a baby in her early 40's and my grandma had one at 46, I know someone who lives near me who had a baby at 42 and it was definitely a natural pregnancy as she already has 2 grown yo children and I know she wouldn't have had IVF as she isn't well off