To be envious that Victoria Coren Mitchell has a second baby at 51

[Monetm]

https://www.ok.co.uk/tv/breaking-victoria-coren-mitchell-baby-31338022.amp

Just that, really. I’m sure there will be a lot of posts on here about it’s too old and she should have done it sooner, but given that she didn’t, I am envious that she has the money and the luck and the situation to be able to do it now.

Can you imagine how different women’s lives would be if we just didn’t have to worry so much about the end of our fertility?

@Strawberriesandpears have you or your partner spoken to your respective parents about their experiences of having only children? How did you feel as an only child? Did having aunts and uncles and cousins make a difference to your or your partners’ lives? I’m not saying answer these questions on this thread, but you have at your disposal 5 real life people with direct experience of some of the issues you are facing here (albeit sounds like they were younger parents), so ask them, talk it through and see what their experiences can do to reassure or prepare you.

@Annasgirl

The ageism on this site is shocking. I cannot believe how much young women seem to hate older women. Society has really done a number on you all

I think there’s an element of bitterness and jealousy to some of the comments: Rich and successful woman not having children - fine. Rich and successful woman having children later in life having had loads of fun and finished building a successful career - not fine.

It’s certainly interesting to compare with men’s reactions to older fatherhood. While there’s certainly eyebrows raised about, say, a 70+ guy having a child, I don’t know any men who would consider a 40-50 year old becoming a father as something particularly remarkable or strange.

Oh! I think she's only written 2 or 3 so far, has she another commissioned? I'll look forward to it!

I think it's quite weird how many people are saying it's selfish of her to have a child when it's her own wishes she's serving, as if any of them had their children for any other reason than, you know, wishing to have them.

Anyway, yeah, I think having children in one's 50s isn't in the best interests of said children, but there are so many people having kids when it's not in the best interests of said children. Singling this out seems a bit unfair.

Echoing some of this. My dm was 41 when I was born and always seemed young for her age (in a good way!) and I had no complaints about her age. But she died at 70 when I was 31 and in the years since I have often thought that actually if she had been a lot older (so I would have been much younger when she died) there would have been anger mixed in with my grief. The maths on early 40s, life expectancy of “3 score and 10” and my age were all ok enough but I do think I would have felt differently if she had had me at 50 and died when I was at university.

@KingsleyBorder That is a very good point. My partner and I haven't yet spoken about children in great depth. I think I would like to initiate a more serious conversation next year (when we have been together for 12 + months). At my age, I am just so happy to have found a loving partner (I am sure that he is 'the one') that I am ok with whatever the outcome is, although becoming a little family is my dream.

My partner has no cousins, but does have uncles. I have a couple of cousins and uncles too. Only one of my uncles has really played any significant part in my life, but even then, I wouldn't say we are close.

Thank you. You are really helping me to think this through logically.

I actually thought the OP simply asked if posters were envious of VCM or not?
I am not. I didn't think she invited opinons on whether VCM is selfish? I have no opinion on whether she is selfish or not, because having children is inherently selfish, and I am not that invested in the details of VCM's life, Good luck to her, I say. Better her than me.

It also happens in rl by people who should know better.

My mum had me when she was 43. I remember saying that to a female optician who was completely shocked by it.

In the same shop was another optician whose own wife had their child a couple of years older. (It wasn't his wife's first child.)

Well, I can only speak for my experience, which is to say I knew a couple of kids at school with fathers who were in their early 50s when they were born. One of the fathers died when we were doing our A-levels (and my friend was so bereft our of grief that he had to defer for a year because he would've failed otherwise), and the other friend had to deal with his dad having dementia from the age of around 13.

It's a rotten thing to do to a kid, no matter whether it's the mother or the father that's older (or both, obviously).

I agree. Dh is late 60s and we love gdcs. But also love giving them back.
These 2 will have staff though (probably)

One of my siblings (I wouldn't be here otherwise) and a cousin both lost their fathers when they were babies.

I know and have met plenty of other people throughout my life, who had younger parents who lost one or even both their parents to illness rather than accidents.

Martin Lewis has a statistic that 1 in 29 children lose a parent before they reach adulthood.

Oh and people won't tell you this personal information unless you mention something like that to them.

Good for her

Me too I understand your pain. If only one had stuck.

Good looking? I presume you mean their mother.

I wonder if it was a natural conception or not. In any case, being a parent at 50 is not terribly old when you consider that there is a very strong likelihood that most people in mid life today will live to be in their late 90s and much healthier and more mobile than previous generations whilst their child will still be young enough in their 40s to benefit from an inheritance with which to establish their own family. Also, I'm sure this wealthy couple won't need to rely on their children for any old age care.

Late 60s is pretty young to die or develop dementia, I don't blame them for not foreseeing that. It wasn't the probable outcome.

Unfortunately, life is what happens when you're making other plans and it's not uncommon for kids to have things happen in exam time that affect them. They deserve all support, and you should direct this same criticism - worse, really, by your reasoning - to anyone who does anything that might stress out a GCSE kid, including getting divorced, moving house or going on a skiing trip where they might break a leg.

I'm glad she got what she wanted and am sorry for others that didnt.
But it wouldn't be for me. She is probably in a more fortunate situation financially than most so won't have that worry.
I am 55 with a 22 and 18 year old and l honestly wish at times l had had them earlier. Both still at home, I'm m a lone parent and absolutely exhausted.

Hugs to you @Edithisoverthere ❤️

I was still hopeful I might meet someone at 45, but got cancer instead and had everything removed, so that was that.

My friend's dad was 50 when he died of a heart attack, we were 16 and my friend had just done her GCSEs. So he had been the entirely normal age of 34 when she was born. It can happen any time - my mum had a heart attack a year later when she was 53, but is still going strong 30 years on with no further heart issues.

Sooo....are you saying that because it can happen any time, parental age doesn't significantly increase the chance that a parent will die while the child is young?

If that's really what you're trying to say, then you should probably check the mortality statistics - both men and women are 4-5 times more likely to die of natural causes in their late 60s than in their late 40s, and 8 times more likely in the following five years. In fact, it's nearly an exponential increase from late 50s onwards.

Each to their own, but I couldn't think of anything worse!

3 QQs

1. how many in this group currently have actual long term care responsibilities for one of more parents? I don’t mean the odd call and visit.

2. how many in this group will have actual long term care responsibilities for one of more parents? I don’t mean the odd call and visit, but bringing parents into their own home to care for them or at least daily visits to parents in their own home to get up/put to bed, dress, cook, administer medications, etc.

3. how many in this group have parents who have/had actual long term care responsibilities for one of more parents? I don’t mean the odd call and visit, but bringing parents into their own home to care for them or at least daily visits to parents in their own home to get up/put to bed, dress, cook, administer medications, etc.

Personally I don’t and won’t have. I know few if any who do/will have.

Most people make/should make provisions for their old age - those with and without children.

Lots of children/parents don’t live in the same country. I’m the only one of four siblings in the same country as our parents and not living locally. They moved from London in their retirement.

Parents and children become estranged.

I can only speak for England, but I’m not struck by us being a generation of carers.

The elderly care sector is a £million pound industry for these reason. Social services, etc.

The Sandwich generation is a new phenomenon and more a definition of us having children and parents we feel a responsibility towards. An emotional pull to help and support. Not a mandate. The sandwich generation only come into being with advances in medicine prolonging lives.

how many in this group have parents who have/had actual long term care responsibilities for one of more parents? I don’t mean the odd call and visit, but bringing parents into their own home to care for them or at least daily visits to parents in their own home to get up/put to bed, dress, cook, administer medications, etc.

Personally I don’t and won’t have. I know few if any who do/will have.

I have.

@Hilsvision have a look at the elderly parents board, which I was a regular on for many years. No my dad didn’t come and live with us, but his dementia was my responsibility alone to manage for about 6 years.

I think good luck to them. It can’t be a decision they’ve taken lightly even if it was a happy accident.

Gillian Anderson plays a pregnant 50 year old brilliantly in Sex Education. It can’t be easy but I think you’d just have to close your ears to all the harbingers of doom.

I also want to say isn’t menopause marvellous? Not missing periods at all.