To be envious that Victoria Coren Mitchell has a second baby at 51

[Monetm]

https://www.ok.co.uk/tv/breaking-victoria-coren-mitchell-baby-31338022.amp

Just that, really. I’m sure there will be a lot of posts on here about it’s too old and she should have done it sooner, but given that she didn’t, I am envious that she has the money and the luck and the situation to be able to do it now.

Can you imagine how different women’s lives would be if we just didn’t have to worry so much about the end of our fertility?

Wonderful for her and she looks amazing!

Envious? Nope. I wouldn’t want to be dealing with babies in my 50s - neither a first nor third.

I think anything would be easier without kids or an already established career yourself - and with money to fund it, which they will have, and with tons of youthful energy.

Plus this is a worst case scenario, no-one in our family has ever needed long term care or been a serious burden on anyone else for a long period - it's not inevitable.

Good for her. Nobody tends to say much when someone becomes a Dad at 51, in fact it’s often applauded.
Let’s face it, yes she’s older but I’d imagine they have the finances to get extra help.

I dunno why people are bleating on about having to care for parents in old age now anyway, any children who are being born now are likely to be experiencing humanity's death throes due to climate change in their 30s and 40s (if lucky!), so caring for elderly parents is going to be the least of everyone's worries.

Yalta Yeah I know that part of the risk of being alive is dying (could get run over by a bus blah blah blah)

But the risk of death is in women 35-44 is 1 in 1106 and at 55-64 it's 1 in 178

Good for her, I’m delighted for her. I bet (and hope) she doesn’t give a toss about anyone else’s opinion on her life choices.

Quite sure VCM doesn’t give a flying fuck what any of you think

Personally I think that whatever you do as a parent you're going to get judged by some sub section of society. Who cares what other people think?

Well, exactly. Most people can't afford nannies and manage without them, but I don't understand why anyone wouldn't if they can afford it and have the space.

I am 43 and couldn't deal with a newborn now - never mind at 51!

Good luck to them both

There's some really interesting discussion here.

Could I ask an opinion on a similar matter - do you think two only children having an only child in their late 30s (38 - 39) would be selfish? It's the situation I would find myself in should I be lucky enough to have a child. I only met my partner this year and I am currently 36.

Things that worry me are:

• The child not having extended family (other than 4 grandparents, 2 of whom are quite young (currently in their 50s)).
• The possibility of me or my partner dying young and the child being left alone.
• The child feeling responsible for us in our old ages (should we make it). I am quite well off though (not David and Victoria levels obviously) but a very good savings pot (well above average for my age) which could contribute towards any care we may need.

Thank you in advance for any thoughts!

@Strawberriesandpears Selfish? No. That's not that unusual a situation, I think.

However, you can't know for sure whether a child will be an only child. There is a small risk of multiple births that increases with age.

Also, there is a chance of having an unplanned pregnancy / lovely surprise after the first, though, of course, it is entirely up to you how you choose to deal with that.

They are both selfish imo.

However as the woman she is the one who was pregnant and experienced the toll that can take on the body

LOL at all the “poor kids” nonsense. The kids parents’ are both very intelligent, good looking, multimillionaires who will probably both be around for another 30-40 years.

I’m sure the little girl who will grow up loaded + almost certainly very attractive, intelligent (and with loads of useful contacts) in one of the planets richest counties will somehow be okay.

I would rather have one at 51 than none ever. Even if it's harder and more work. The emotional toll of having nine would have been too hard. I had kids late, 40 & 43. I feel like it's on me to stay as fit and healthy as possible to keep up/ not burden them early. Also to be on it re my plans for old age so they don't need to worry about me too much in their 30s. I thinks it's possible to be a good active parent at her age, after all lots of men do it. And I think the fact she's got lots of money is going to help a lot.

No one wants a 70+ parent at their graduation !

What a ridiculous thing to say! Anyone who is so shallow as to be embarrassed at having a parent of any description at their graduation does not have the intelligence to deserve a degree. But I can’t imagine there are many young people out there who would have this attitude. Perhaps you are viewing it through the lens of being the fellow parent muttering behind the students’ backs about how ancient Susie’s Dad is? Shame on you.

Also what's the inevitability of having elderly parents who need to be cared for, anyway? Some elderly people go on being independent for many, many years and may never need "care". I am 34 with three grandparents still alive - my maternal grandmother is just under 90 and still lives in her own home with no care needs or health issues beyond the usual gripes of old age whatsoever. My paternal grandparents are the same though they are early 80s.

@concernedmumhelp Thank you - you make very good points. I think I would actually be delighted to have twins or a late surprise. Two children would be my dream, but at my age, I think have to consider that one would be a possible outcome too. Thank you again.

@Crysallis

Personally I think that whatever you do as a parent you're going to get judged by some sub section of society. Who cares what other people think?

Exactly.

I have an only child born when I was 43. My brother is younger but physically disabled after an accident and lives far away. My husband has siblings but if something were to happen to us it would still be a huge huge trauma for our son to go and live with his aunt or uncle. And the trauma would affect more than one child if we had had more than one. Having grandparents around will be great.

You can overthink these things. Don’t deny yourself parenthood based on what ifs. Do it if you want to do it and work life out as you go along. Create strong friendship networks.

@KingsleyBorder Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I am sorry to hear about your brother's accident. Wishing you and your family all the very best.

Agreeing with @KingsleyBorder here.

My dad was 72 when I got my doctorate. He enjoyed the experience of the graduation so much that I went back and got my honorary MA, which I'd never bothered to do till then, just so my parents could have another day out...

The ageism on this site is shocking. I cannot believe how much young women seem to hate older women. Society has really done a number on you all.

No one wants a 70+ parent at their graduation !

Actually, as someone whose parent died pretty young (fifties) from something that couldn't have been predicted when they had me (in their mid-thirties), I'd have given anything to have had a 70+ parent at my graduation.

Jesus Christ. The entitlement is reeking.

I suspect a lot of people who “can’t fathom” having small kids around in their 40s or 50s have hectic jobs and lives.

Or, otherwise they “sacrificed” their freedom in their 20s and 30s with work and raising families, and are only now in their 40s/50s getting a bit of peace and quiet for hobbies/travel etc.

But the thing is, many people (especially nowadays) don’t do all the grind stuff in their 20s and 30s - rather that’s when they’re out getting their fill of foreign travel, pursuing hobbies, dating, etc. Almost an extended adolescence if you like.

And so many aren’t knackered when they get their 40s and 50s as they haven’t had two decades plus of tiring adulthood working all hours and raising a family - and many (but of course not all) have also built up a nice amount of fianaical stability without the additional expense of family life. And so having kids later on seems a nice new chapter.