Aibu to think my parents are still biological

[Dontknowwhoiamrightnow]

Last week I urgently needed my birth certificate. I couldn't find it, so ordered a copy.
A few days later the post arrives and there is a letter to say that the information I provided for the birth certificate didn't match, but they checked some other files and the certificate is enclosed.
It's an ADOPTION certificate!!! I have an adoption certificate.
I had no idea I had even been adopted!!
Backstory-: I lived with my "mum and dad". I had my mum's maiden name at birth.
My parents told me that my name was changed to my dad's surname when they got married two years after birth.
I was told this was so that we could all have the same name.
This was In the 1980's.
My mum does look like me and my kids, so I think she is my biological mum.
AIBU to think that my parents are my biological parents and they became my adopters, just to change my name OR is it reasonable to think that my dad is not my real dad.
I know, I'm clutching at straws, it seems more than likely he's not my real dad.... How do I make sense of it all? Is there really any chance they are both my bio parents and the adoption was just to make me legitimate?
I'm in bits right now and don't know what to do xxx

I'm pretty certain that when a single woman had a child and then married someone else, in order for him to adopt the child, they both had to, otherwise he would be adopting the child away from its mother. That would then mean a new birth certificate.

That means his birth was reregistered after the marriage to legitimise him. Back then that was the way (or court) that men who were unmarried at the time of the birth got parental rights and children were recognised as from the marriage.

Technically you’re still meant to do that now, but as it doesn’t matter for either PR or inheritance purposes many people don’t bother (you could be fined a whole £2 for not doing so!)

It's absolutely the truth that children adopted by their stepfathers in the 1980s also had to be adopted by their biological mother at the same time - because it happened to me. I was adopted by my stepfather and my by own mother. The whole thing was weird. It was something to do with the fact that if my mother didn't adopt me her legal status with regard to me would be less than my stepfather's after the adoption.

There wasn’t step parent adoption back then. Adoption meant all rights to the child were given to the “new” parents. This meant people ended up legally adopting their own child. More often mothers in a step father situation, but often both (especially if they were unaware that they could register the birth together even unmarried).

I’ve got a friend whose DF was out of the picture when she was a baby and her mum met her step dad then. But they went through the adoption process when she was 12 with him.

It’s a huge shock for you though, and I’d a dna test.

Something similar happened to someone I know. It was where the parents were not married when the child was born, but later got married and wanted to change the surname of the child.

In my friend's case - they definitely were their parents' child - even though the parents had to go through the bureaucratic process of "adoption" - I think it was just an anachronistic process that was applied in such cases and I suspect they have changed the name of the process by now to avoid confusion.

Good luck OP.

Is there any logical thinking you can do that might help? (Tricky I know after getting the certificate like that!)

When did your parents meet? Did they buy a house together before you were born? Are there pictures of you as a tiny baby with your dad? Or he's talked about you when you were a newborn?

If your dad was definitely around before you were born, I'd be inclined to think it was the "process" of marrying and name changing that meant you have an adoption certificate.

Even he was your biological father his name would not have been on the Birth Certificate if they were not married unless he went with your mother to register the birth. There might have been a reason for this - over bearing grandparents refusing to let him be involved or him not being interested himself at that time. This would be a reason for him to adopt as if he was a step father.

I think this sounds quite likely. Don't panic OP, it must have been a total shock but it doesn't mean they aren't both your biological parents.

Sorry this is such a shock. I found out in my 30s that my dad wasn't my biological father, but it wasn't in such a horribly shocking situation and was told to me properly and all was well. Hopefully it'll all be explained soon and you can come to terms with it, but the not knowing and your mind racing must be very stressful. I wouldn't be too sure about the looking like aspect - my gay friend is non-biological mother to a boy who looks much more like her than her biological mother, but it's a happy coincidence. I also never questioned not looking like members' of the family on my dad's side because it was close enough to not have any suspicions. I hope everything turns out well for you. I know some people take it very hard, but most of all, I found I felt protective of my dad who didn't want me or anyone else to feel like I wasn't his child. He's been a wonderful parent and I didn't want him to feel any less for it, but again, I can see why in more complicated families, it would help to have counselling.

My sons father left when I was pregnant 30 years ago and when I met my husband two years later , he raised him as his son and when we married in 1999 he applied to adopt him and Ivwas shocked to find I had to adopt my own son too ! So his birth certificate was replaced with an adoption certificate even though Im his biological mother - so it’s possible your dad is your step dad ?

I can u deter and what a shock this must be … We were always honest with my son about his real father though although my now ex will always be “dad”

But in this situation, wouldn't you have been given an updated birth certificate rather than an adoption certificate?

Another to clarify it’s almost certain your mother is your biological mother.
I have an adoption certificate rather than a birth certificate with both my parents named as adopters because my biological dad and stepmother jointly adopted me after my biological mother died. If they hadn’t have done that my stepmother would not have had equal parental rights to my biological father

I don't think there would have been any proof that he was the father. I don't think there was DNA testing in the early 80s. Of course anybody could have turned up with the mother at the Register office and registered the birth with her, there would be no proof of anything.

No. The poster was adopted by her mother and step father so an app took certificate is correct.

There was no step parent adoption back then. For the step father to adopt it was a full adoption process meaning that all those who had PR through the birth certificate lost it and it was given to all those one the adoption certificate. Even if one, or both, of those was the same person it was processed in the same was as a stranger adoption certificate wise.

Basically if Mary Smith married Peter Jones and they wanted him to adopt her child Mary Smith had to give up her child, and all rights to the child so that Mary and Peter Jones could adopt them.

Just ask them now @Dontknowwhoiamrightnow You have the right to know and there might be an explanation eg stepdad adoption.

I did have an aunty, but she would have been 7 when I was born, she sadly killed herself a couple of years ago 😞
My mum was only 20 when I was born, so unlikely to be surrogacy.
The birth certificate I previously had was just a short birth certificate - which didn't have any parents name on. I thought this was dated the year before the adoption certificate, I must have been wrong with my date- (this is probably the bit that didn't match on my birth certificate application last week.)

My friend was born in 1987 and has an adoption certificate with her biological mother and stepdad listed as her parents. Her biological father is on her birth certificate but he was sadly on Piper Alpha.

this seems possible, and I think not uncommon, and would explain the surname etc

I would have immediately asked them, why overthink it when they have the answers

I understand why you can’t call your father, but I would absolutely be calling my mother immediately. This is a hideous shock and you deserve some answers. Call her. She knew you would find out one day, well that day is today unfortunately, and you need to know the truth. You poor love 💐

That must be such a shock for you.

I don’t know anything to do with adoption etc so I’m probably talking out of my arse but would you still not have a proper birth certificate too?

Perhaps do some research and see if you can find an original one.

A big of a long shot but is it possible your grandma (maybe your mum was unmarried) said you were hers and then your mum adopted you back off of her.

I’ve also heard of single parent homes, where unmarried mothers would go and the baby would be adopted from there.
Perhaps your mum got you back somehow.

I would definitely look into some adoption records and see if you can dig anything up.

Obviously, right now is not the time to speak to your parents but I’d also be concerned with them not wanting you to know the full story to protect you, so I’d try and find as much info out as you can on your own before asking them.

The timing doesn't matter, you need to ask them or at least your mum.

I hope you have RL support no matter what the answer is x