Aibu to think my parents are still biological

[Dontknowwhoiamrightnow]

Last week I urgently needed my birth certificate. I couldn't find it, so ordered a copy.
A few days later the post arrives and there is a letter to say that the information I provided for the birth certificate didn't match, but they checked some other files and the certificate is enclosed.
It's an ADOPTION certificate!!! I have an adoption certificate.
I had no idea I had even been adopted!!
Backstory-: I lived with my "mum and dad". I had my mum's maiden name at birth.
My parents told me that my name was changed to my dad's surname when they got married two years after birth.
I was told this was so that we could all have the same name.
This was In the 1980's.
My mum does look like me and my kids, so I think she is my biological mum.
AIBU to think that my parents are my biological parents and they became my adopters, just to change my name OR is it reasonable to think that my dad is not my real dad.
I know, I'm clutching at straws, it seems more than likely he's not my real dad.... How do I make sense of it all? Is there really any chance they are both my bio parents and the adoption was just to make me legitimate?
I'm in bits right now and don't know what to do xxx

What was the info that was missing that meant they couldn't find your birth certificate? Have you ever seen your birth certificate?

I agree with both asking your parents/family but you may also want to contact your local authority to see the file they hold on you. They should also be able to explain what everything means.

Thanks so much for your responses!
My mum and dad are still alive and are both named as my adopters on the certificate.
The certificate is dated 1983, the same year as my younger sister was born.
I can't ask my parents right now, as my dad's mum has just died and I don't want to cause them any more pain at this time.

If you have an adoption certificate, is there enough info on it to now apply for your birth cert? That would tell you who registered you.

It's possible there's a biological link, even of it's via a younger aunt or cousin perhaps.

Either way, I'm sorry you're going through this, you should have been told but don't let this name you doubt how much they loved you.

No idea OP but my uncle was fully adopted (no blood relation, no idea who his bio parents are) yet he looks like my mum, grandpa and ds. I think it's the mannerisms instead of actual features if that makes sense.

Are your parents still alive to ask?

It's a big shock OP, but if you can't ask family adults of your parents' generation, for any reason, an Ancestry DNA test or similar will most likely clear it up.

As a PP said, whatever you find is only one part of the picture, it doesn't magic away your childhood and upbringing. Do I think DNA and biology is important? Yes, but, do I also have close relationships with in-laws, steps and relatives-by-marriage? Also yes, sometimes, better than the ones I have with blood relations.

Almost as important to you may be the untold story behind this.

You need to talk to your parents.

It’s not unusual for people to find out some very big untruths about their parents in later life (be it adoption, donor conception etc). Of course back in the 80s and beyond it was considered the norm to keep it a secret.

Does your mum have a younger sister? (Who looks a bit like you).

Until a few years ago in step parent adoption the biological mother also had to adopt her own child. It's highly likely that is the situation

It's the 80's and until quite recently the mother had to adopt their biological child when a non biological father adopted.

Biological mothers did have to adopt when step fathers adopted. Think this has changed now. This is the most likely scenario. What an awful shock for you OP.

Similar to PP - my parents got married after I was born, my older brother was not biologically my fathers so my father had to adopt him to give him his surname. They were shocked when they were told they also had to adopt me, despite me being their biological child, to get my name changed too. This was around the time of their wedding (1994 ish?) so it could be all innocent.

So sorry I meant 1984!! 1994 is a typo!

As others have said, it is very possible they are both your biological parents, as they were unmarried when you were born, so your father might have had to official adopt you after the marriage, and your mother would have lost PR at that point if she wasn't a named adopter too

Maybe look into the legalities around name change and adoption.

I had my parents surname, but my surname was changed when my mum married my step dad so we all had the sane name. I wasn't adopted though.

Bless you, OP, that’s been a shock, and coming closely after the family bereavement it’s no wonder you feel all over the place.

As others have suggested, ideally ask your parents. Are you close to your mum? Could you sit down just with her and go through it?

Failing that, any details on your adoption certificate which could start a search - such as a local authority name, or agency who managed the adoption ?

As a last resort, and only if you are very sure you want to do this, could you and your younger sister do Ancestry DNA tests to see if you are full siblings? You do not have to post results to connect to others at any point if you do not want to, and obviously you would have to bring your sister into your confidence .
💐for you.

My husband's parents were not married when he was born. He has 2 birth certificates, the first only detailing his mum and the second amended certificate detailing his dad after they were married. This is in scotland do possibly different process.

Could you have been born to a surrogate mother?

I'm not sure but I think such children are then legally adopted by their parents.

In the eighties if parents were not married and later got married, you had to re- register the birth. We did it, no mention of adoption as their was no adoption , just two bio ones. Sorry you have been misled

This is really weird. I can’t see any other possibility that you were actually adopted. Have you got a discreet relative you can do a dna with?

Do you have a significantly older sister who could have been your birth mum? Or does your mum have a much younger sister and she could have stepped in to be mum if she was a more suitable age?

Really though, you just have to ask her.

This

A friend of mine who was born in 1987 had to be adopted by her biological mother as well as her stepdad or her mother would have lost parental rights. My DH was born in 1982 and his stepdad looked into adopting him in 1990 but they decided against it as again his biological mother would have had to adopt him too.

I think it sounds like your mum is your bio mum and your dad adopted you when your younger sister was born.

It’s entirely possible it’s a stepparent adoption. I would ask. But as you said, they’re in mourning, so I think it’s fine to ask later on. It would be hard to wait though! What a shock.

Is your fathers’ name on the birth certificate. If not, he may have had to formally adopt you when they got married, in order for you all to have the same surname. Are they still alive - if so you need to clarify.

do you know when your parents married?

Looking for your original birth certificate under your mother’s name would be the first place I’d start if you want to look around.