Aibu to think my parents are still biological

[Dontknowwhoiamrightnow]

Last week I urgently needed my birth certificate. I couldn't find it, so ordered a copy.
A few days later the post arrives and there is a letter to say that the information I provided for the birth certificate didn't match, but they checked some other files and the certificate is enclosed.
It's an ADOPTION certificate!!! I have an adoption certificate.
I had no idea I had even been adopted!!
Backstory-: I lived with my "mum and dad". I had my mum's maiden name at birth.
My parents told me that my name was changed to my dad's surname when they got married two years after birth.
I was told this was so that we could all have the same name.
This was In the 1980's.
My mum does look like me and my kids, so I think she is my biological mum.
AIBU to think that my parents are my biological parents and they became my adopters, just to change my name OR is it reasonable to think that my dad is not my real dad.
I know, I'm clutching at straws, it seems more than likely he's not my real dad.... How do I make sense of it all? Is there really any chance they are both my bio parents and the adoption was just to make me legitimate?
I'm in bits right now and don't know what to do xxx

They can't.
Firstly they charge for any additional searches. Secondly if you make a typo or give incorrect information, they can't just guess about what you really meant and send something similar. Not in the UK anyway.
And considering data protection, I don't know which other country would be so lax around personal information that they'd send out birth and adoption certificates for a living person with so few checks and safeguards.

Hi OP,

I'm pretty sure people who are adopted have a right to access to a lot of adoption paperwork. My mum had a child when she was 18 that was adopted. My family only found out about 5 years ago (when she was nearly 70) because that child (now 50+) made contact. They had gained access to all sorts of documentation around their adoption that my mum had never seen - things like evaluations of her as a person, her family, all of that, where my mum was kept at a maternity home, all of that. It was obviously an absolute rollercoaster for everyone involved when they made contact. Not all in a good way at all - it's turned people's lives upside down. But somewhere in there is the benefit of honesty now.

Anyway, I just wanted to say, if you do want to explore this without talking to your parents, I'm sure there are ways to get access to the documentation that will make things clearer - you have a right to it (the law changed - at the point my mum gave her kid up, she was legally untraceable - it was an enormous shock to discover that law no longer protected her and her details could be given to her kid - not current details (they hired an investigator to find my mum in my case) - but names, dates, medical information, that kind of thing)

Oh op, what a shock this must be for you. I can understand it's a difficult time for your family at the minute, but I wouldn't be able to sit on this, I'd have to speak to them. Did they know you were applying for your birth certificate?

Life is short and there's no good time to ask these questions. Just ask them, tell them what you've found and say you want the total truth. Surely they'd have known you'd come across this someday.

I've just asked my uncle for some details about my birth, but he was only 10 when I was born, so may be incorrect.
Apparently I was born at his aunt's house, as the whole extended family were on a family holiday at the time, a long way from home. I was born a couple of months early, so was in hospital for a few weeks after birth. So it's possible my dad had to stay at home and "look after the house" and was unable accompany my mum to register my birth. Although my uncle is unsure if my dad was at the birth.
He said my older uncle will certainly know, as he is 2 years younger than my mum and was much closer to her.

I am going to fill in the "birth information before adoption form" that came with my adoption certificate to see if I can find out more and hopefully get my original birth certificate.

Thanks everyone for all your help.

Would it not be quite odd for a woman of 20 to adopt a child? And if she wasn't married either? She clearly wasn't infertile as you have siblings.

The most obvious explanation is that your mum was a single mum and when she married your father, he formally adopted you and that's what's on your BC.

I don't really understand why it had to he done that way

It's because there was no part/step-parent adoption at the time.

An adopted child basically had all legal links with the person or people on their birth certificate severed and all legal links with the people or person on their adoption certificate cemented. There was no way of recognising that Mary Smith on the birth certificate was actually the same person as Mary Jones on the adoption certificate. The law was just very black and white with regard to adoption at the time.

I also agree with the PP who said that your dad's recent loss (his Mum) is not a reason to avoid talking to your parents about this.

I assume your parents are in their 50s or 60s, so although he will be grieving, he's an adult and should be able to cope with you asking him about your birth.

You need to ask both of your parents what the truth is, right now, even though your grandmother has died. This is too big to sit on and you deserve answers.

You should be able to have a search around, if you know where your Aunt lived, to find your original birth certificate with your Mum's surname.

The "lost baby photos" put a slightly different spin on it. The only way you will find out is by finding your full original birth certificate or asking your parents (although I agree that now is probably not the best time).

How old are you and how old is your mother?

This is relevant because some of us here may be her age (or older) and able to give some context.

This is good advice OP.

A childhood friend of mine who was adopted has recently had to request to see files from social services.

Sometimes they can take a while so I suggest you put a request in via email /recorded delivery post asap this week.

I can imagine this is very tough, I just hope you get the answers you need as quickly and painlessly as possible.

I thought that it was only fairly recently (relatively speaking!) that the father had to accompany the mother to register a birth if they weren't married.

If you were a child born 'out of wedlock' it's possible that no photos were taken as the family was ashamed and didn't want to preserve any memories of that time.

That's why I'm asking how old you are.

Up to the early-mid 1970s, having an illegitimate child was very much frowned on.

op born in ‘83 - her mum was 20 :)

On its own I don't think the pictures thing is a red flag. Before digital photography, people really didn't take nearly as many photos. I probably take more of my kids in a week than my parents did of me I a year. I have no pictures of me as a newborn or first few months as they got lost in a move. It does sound like there is a higher chance of your dad not being biological and your mum is.

I’ve not read any replies so maybe repeating a comment you have already had. About 20 years ago a family member, who had been estranged from her son’s father from birth, married her long term boyfriend. He was effectively dad to her son and so they went through an adoption process. For the husband to adopt, the process is that they had to adopt the son as a couple. The original birth certificate was replaced by the adoption certificate so that she is now stated as her son’s adoptive parent. The original birth certificate is no longer available. Is it possible a similar situation arose?

Thanks. I re-read and did the maths :)

In 1983 it was still considered wrong to be an unmarried mother.

But how come you were born in the same year as your sibling? You seemed to say your sibling was registered in 1983 too.

If the man was being named on the cert it's always been the case. You've never been able to name a man you're not married to on the birth certificate if he wasn't there.

It's only relatively recently that going and being on the birth certificate has given the man rights to the child. Previously that still didn't come with the birth cert.

My great-grandmother was illegitimate and her parents both signed her birth certificate in 1903. Her mother couldn't have put him on without him being there and signing it.

If your baby photos were ‘lost’, I’m wondering whether you were adopted at the age of two, possibly along side your sister.

Alternatively, your mum had you young and later met and married your dad.

Have no family members got photos of you? Eg. Christmas family photos. If not, it’s more likely you were adopted later.

This must be a real shock for you. We discovered that a relative was adopted. His siblings had no idea until their parents died. He only had the short birth certificate. The long one was found after the death.

The OP said her name was changed in the same year her sister was born. The same year of the parents marriage. Not that she was born in the same year as her sibling.

The certificate is dated 1983, the same year as my younger sister was born.

So you were born in 1981 and the cert is 2 years after your birth?

Okay.

I think this is maybe a case that your mum had you (and your dad isn't your bio father.) OR he is and as they weren't married, he had to adopt you when they were married.

Could be your dad adopted your mum’s child (you).