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To think someone must be able to do something - part 3

615 replies

PurpleLampShades · 01/11/2023 09:09

I never thought I’d be needing to start a third thread but here we are. The first two threads have been a great source of support for me so I’m going to carry on.

First Thread
Second Thread

Long story short - DS (17) has been in a “relationship” with a woman 11 years older than him that I believe started when he was 15, though I have no proof as they deny it. This has been going on since at least March 2022. SS, the police and the DSL at his college have all been involved and things from that front have been pretty much exhausted. He has been on CIN and early intervention plans, been visited/spoken to by the police, offered workshops, counselling, contact centre etc. The main stumbling blocks are DS’s refusal/inability to recognise the abusive and toxic situation he is in and the resulting refusal to engage with services to extract him from it.
She is abusive, manipulative and extremely controlling. She has isolated him almost entirely from friends, family and hobbies. She is destroying his self esteem, confidence and self-worth. She controls his phone, who he speaks to, where he goes, what he does. I know she has slapped him around the face more than once and was seen to put her hand around his throat while they were kissing once. I don’t know if there are other incidents like that. The remaining protective factor is that he is still managing to attend college, although attendance is a bit of a concern.

I am at the point of not really knowing what to do now. I feel like I’ve lost him.

OP posts:
AngelontopoftheTree · 21/12/2023 13:48

Just to say, thinking of you Purple
My one wish for you for Christmas is that your lovely DS comes back to you 💜💜💜

LizzieRose16 · 21/12/2023 16:03

Have also been thinking of you Purple xx

coffeestrongblacknosugar · 21/12/2023 21:11

And me purple x

WavyLines11 · 21/12/2023 21:42

Ditto hope you're doing as well as you can be purple Flowers

Dancingonaslice · 21/12/2023 22:43

I keep thinking about your too purple with Xmas coming up. I hope you have some plans to see friends and that you manage to have some happy moments even though I’m sure it’s such a difficult time for you.

Thedogscollar · 22/12/2023 06:40

Hi Purple as others have said still thinking of you and your ds, still hoping things turn out OK for you both. So sad another year has gone past and the situation is still as it is.
Wishing you a 2024 of great changes in your relationship with your son and 🙏that awful woman becomes a distant memory.💜

Sauvblanctime · 22/12/2023 18:10

Hey @PurpleLampShades

i hope you’re doing ok, any news on your son? X

Justalittlebitfurther · 24/12/2023 10:02

Thinking of you especially at this time of year @PurpleLampShades.

Bippertyboo2 · 24/12/2023 17:03

Thinking of you and wishing you well x

Theoldcuriosityshop · 25/12/2023 11:25

Thinking of you especially today X

Georgieporgie29 · 25/12/2023 11:37

Thinking of you today Purple and hoping you hear from your Son ❤️

Thedogscollar · 25/12/2023 19:58

Hi @PurpleLampShades hope your day has gone well and 2024 brings new beginnings and all you wish for. X

RandomMess · 25/12/2023 20:51

Thinking of you Purple x x

CaroleSinger · 29/12/2023 13:42

Sadly I have a feeling he didn't show up at home for Christmas. 😞

Dancingonaslice · 30/12/2023 09:40

I’ve been thinking of you @PurpleLampShades

Sending love and strength for 2024.

AlmaCogansFrockFan · 30/12/2023 11:25

Sending good wishes and hope that he will see the truth x

Fannyfiggs · 30/12/2023 14:16

Like the PPs I've also been thinking about you Purps. I hope everything is okay with you and your DS ❤️

Witchbitch20 · 30/12/2023 15:06

I hope 2024 brings you peace.

AproposofEverything · 30/12/2023 17:03

Thinking of you and your son, Purple Flowers

SkyFullofStars1975 · 30/12/2023 18:29

Even if you're just reading and not posting, we're all still here right behind you.

Flowers
Theoldcuriosityshop · 31/12/2023 14:02

Thinking of you Flowers

WavyLines11 · 31/12/2023 15:41

Wishing you a peaceful new year purple and I really hope 2024 is a year of change for your situation Flowers

BliainNua · 01/01/2024 00:10

Happy New Year Purple, hope 2024 brings your DS home to you 💜💜💜

IHateLegDay · 05/01/2024 09:48

Sending you lots of love Purple. I hope this is the year your son comes home to you.

Dibbydoos · 05/01/2024 10:21

It's crazy that at 16yo our children are legally adults, yet if you take out life insurance, you're advised to make the term at least match your child's 25th birthday year and scientifically we know we don't reach full maturity until 25yo.

I'm so sorry @PurpleLampShades. I don't know what else to offer except petition your MP for a change in law and ask the college to carry out welfare checks on him. If there is obvious domestic abuse, the police can and will step in and arrest her. Your son will then get some time to consider what he wants to do.

Hoping he gets out soon.

Sending the best wishes xxx