Hi, so I've just given birth to my 3rd baby 2 weeks ago. My mother in law lives abroad and came over for the birth of the baby. Including my husband she has 3 children and 5 grandchildren before who she has never been able to see as babies or their births due to not being able to get a visa. My husband really wanted because of this that if this time his mum got a visa he wanted me to take his mum with me in the delivery room for the birth of our baby. She came here a month ago, I'm very independent and like my own space,my first two children are 8 and 6 so in full time school now,for the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy she wouldn't let me go out alone,not even to pick the kids up she would just bring herself along on school pick up, my appointments, a couple of times I just wanted to go shopping alone and she wouldn't let me go without her. She's here till January, even in the final 2 weeks of my pregnancy I didn't get to rest, she did nothing to help around the house, the bedsheets in her room were on for 2 weeks at that point so I put clean ones on the end of the bed to try and get her to take the hint but she waited until I just changed them myself. On 18th October I went into labour,gave birth to my daughter, I had a huge bleed as soon as she came out plus 2nd degree tear and plus other lacerations which needed stitching too. I have been hoping yo breastfeed as I couldn't breast feed my first two due to the same issue of loosing a lot of blood after delivery and milk not coming in properly. After they sorted me out and I finally got to see my baby, I started breast feeding her, she was on for 20 minutes and my mother in law then just said " that's enough" and took my baby off my breast and out of my arms and gave her a bottle, the midwife who was in the room later spoke to me about this as she saw and told me I shouldn't be taking baby off the breast I should let her come off herself. I let it go because my mother in law has never seen one of her grandchildren be born.
I came home the next day,could barely walk with a 1 say old baby and the house was a mess,I came home and went upstairs and started crying whilst trying to clean in pain, his mum just turned round and said to me " oh I'm old I can't clean" (she's 49!) This is the woman who claimed she wanted to stay here at our house during her stay here in the UK to help so I could rest and recover. I cried many times about this to my husband but he always takes his mums side. Since then things have just got worse, the comments my mother in law has been making,
Such as , " stop picking the baby up she will get used to your smell" ( which hurt as she is my baby! She is supposed to be used to my smell) she has told me " your milk isn't enough for her so feed her a bottle before breast feeding her"
She's also given me dirty looks every time baby is hungry and she asks make her a bottle and I say no I want to breastfeed her and she gives me a dirty look and says ok.
She's called me " very fat" from the legs down on numerous occasions since I have given birth even though I am back down to my pre pregnancy weight 2 weeks after birth.
I took baby to school last wednsday after my older kids kept asking me to bring their new baby sister to school, she of course said she was coming even though I told my husband to tell her I wanted to go alone ( she doesn't speak great English) she won't let me bath baby,she takes her downstairs when my older 2 kids are at school and I just want to rest in bed with baby. She keeps putting pressure on me to bottle feed her and only give her my " breast milk at night" which I've explained will not help my already low supply. She says I can't go out until the baby is older and forces me to leave baby at home with her and pick kids up.
She ( forcefully) went to stay at my sister in law's house the last 5 days,and she has told my husband she is coming back on Friday because she apparently " can't stay away longer she needs to come back " my husband said those where the words.i started crying and begged him to just tell her to stay at his sister's longer because I can't cope with her,she takes over,she doesn't advise she tells me what to do and my husband just lets her say and do whatever she wants to me and sides with her. I don't know what to do honestly,I don't want an argument with my husband as I should be enjoying my last baby as she is our last one. I don't want to cause problems but I don't want her coming back here,I've enjoyed the last 5 days at home with my 3 kids,I've managed,cooked,cleaned took the kids out everything on my own and managed just fine ( as I knew I would this is my 3rd not 1st) it's ruined my last few days with my kids as well at the though of her coming back.
Aibu ? I really can't cope and she's making me I'll,I don't know what the best way to go about this is? As I know if I say something to my husband it will all kick off but at the same time I know I can't go on like this.