Christmas Dilemma- WWYD?

[christmasstollen]

I am one of 4 children, all in our 60s. For the last 10 years my brother and I had arranged alternating hosting my widowed mother for Christmas (other 2 'children' stay on their own and have refused to host for the last 40 years). Except that my brother always makes an excuse and so we (DH, DCs and I) have hosted my mum every year.

After the last couple of Christmases with no thanks afterwards I put my foot down and told my brother we aren't having mum this Christmas its his turn. He agreed but has just phoned to say he's going abroad with his girlfriend so obviously can't host. I didn't want to be manipulated into having her so I said that was fine and mum would have to be on her own. Phoned mum who knew the new plans, said it was fine and she would have lunch with exDIL (Brother's ExWife) and just have a plate of vegetables (was very woe is me). Brother is the Golden Child so no blame on him wanting to go somewhere sunny, all the unsaid blame on me for not offering to host that instant.

I'm in a real quandary of what to do. On the one hand brother is getting what he wants and I'm the 'bad child' for letting mum be on her own, on the other hand he always gets away with it and the last few years I've not received any thanks for the immense amount of laundry/cooking/cleaning over 4 days.

Complicating things is that mum up until this year has been in exceptional health and is very spritely for a 90 year old. This year she's had some serious health scares and family are whispering 'what if it's her last Christmas?'

An option is to pay for her to stay in a local hotel and do pick ups/drop offs as well as pay for a taxi to bring her and take her back either side of Christmas but this would all cost £500ish which neither of us have. Any opinions welcome.

For voting:
YABU- Host your mum for what could be her last Christmas
YANBU- Don't host her as this is your brother's responsibility

Have you read all pp's updates?

@Ramalangadingdong I feel as though I was tricked into giving my initial answer

Are you joking. It's not like there isn't a requirement from MNHQ for a op to put every single what maybe considered relevant detail into their first post. Some people haven't changed their answer and have read all ops updates which well (I can't relate but fair)

However I find it really quite off that instead of going oh ok well that info changes my mind. My bad. You feel someone's tricked you because you weren't able to read ops updates which weren't many.Which is literally the structure of MN forum.

And if you can't grasp those very basics it doesn't matter how busy you are it's a bit of a waste of everyones time don't you think.

Because op didn't gain anything out of 100 people calling her really nasty names.

The op has hosted her mum for several years. If she was willing to do that what suddenly made this year different? Given
that she has always known these things about her mother. It doesn’t make any sense To suddenly decide that a 90 year old woman should be cancelled. Weird.

But you know what is a waste of time? For me to argue with you at this time of night so I will not be responding to any more of your outrage. Save it for the OP’s mum.

The ignorance about abuse and the responses of victims to it on this thread is really shocking.

If a friend confided in you that her husband was emotionally abusive and she was thinking of leaving him, would your response be that she'd been married to him for 20 years and what makes this year any different when he's always been like that?

The ops reasons seem to change people's opinions The person who said she's known about her mum and done every other year, so why should this one be different doesn't get fact that op has been lumbered into doing xmas again this year, when brother supposed to be doing it and has let her down yet again and the fact no one appreciates op doing Xmas and her mum siding with brother op appears to have reached the end of her tether and I don't blame her. But if this is possible last Xmas with mum least OP will be there for mum if she entertains her. OP if you can shorten the time mum with you save expense and hassle, maybe she could stay 1 night. All the best 🍀

Absolutely this, also that a 'no, not this year' is an acceptable answer.

This🖕.I would love to have my mum for one last Christmas. I had a lovely mum though.
If she isn't/wasn't a great mother, then you do what you feel is right. If she is/was great, then you move heaven and earth to spend some time with her, regardless of what siblings are doing!!

On the surface of it, it does seem extremely sad but there might be very good reason. I feel, like a lot of other posters there may be a backstory here. My FIL was a vile narcissistic bully who bullied my kids and tried to split me and DH up because I stood up to him. When his partner died we got the woe is me I’m going to be alone at Christmas. He had 6 kids and not one of them bothered with him. Not a fucking chance was he getting in my house! No one wanted him for very good reason.

Martyrs are never appreciated.