Christmas Dilemma- WWYD?

[christmasstollen]

I am one of 4 children, all in our 60s. For the last 10 years my brother and I had arranged alternating hosting my widowed mother for Christmas (other 2 'children' stay on their own and have refused to host for the last 40 years). Except that my brother always makes an excuse and so we (DH, DCs and I) have hosted my mum every year.

After the last couple of Christmases with no thanks afterwards I put my foot down and told my brother we aren't having mum this Christmas its his turn. He agreed but has just phoned to say he's going abroad with his girlfriend so obviously can't host. I didn't want to be manipulated into having her so I said that was fine and mum would have to be on her own. Phoned mum who knew the new plans, said it was fine and she would have lunch with exDIL (Brother's ExWife) and just have a plate of vegetables (was very woe is me). Brother is the Golden Child so no blame on him wanting to go somewhere sunny, all the unsaid blame on me for not offering to host that instant.

I'm in a real quandary of what to do. On the one hand brother is getting what he wants and I'm the 'bad child' for letting mum be on her own, on the other hand he always gets away with it and the last few years I've not received any thanks for the immense amount of laundry/cooking/cleaning over 4 days.

Complicating things is that mum up until this year has been in exceptional health and is very spritely for a 90 year old. This year she's had some serious health scares and family are whispering 'what if it's her last Christmas?'

An option is to pay for her to stay in a local hotel and do pick ups/drop offs as well as pay for a taxi to bring her and take her back either side of Christmas but this would all cost £500ish which neither of us have. Any opinions welcome.

For voting:
YABU- Host your mum for what could be her last Christmas
YANBU- Don't host her as this is your brother's responsibility

Everyone saying how sad they'd be if their kids were squabbling over who has to endure them for Christmas, here's how to avoid that: don't be an abusive fucker. I suspect there's a huge backstory here. My own grandmother is 92 and a total fucking witch. Too right we squabble about who has to deal with her; because she's dreadful and ruins our lives. You reap what you sow. You don't just get to be 90 odd and have everyone's love and respect, you have to treat your family nicely for all of the decades before.

Her husband's health means going abroad on holiday isn't possible.

If not abroad then maybe a home near the sea a lovely time away from the hubbub of home with her own family sounds just what he needs x

@Optionyougot I don't owe you a response but if you read between the lines you might get it.
My message was for original poster.
OP has remained in contact with her mother for whatever reason. More likely to regret longterm not having her for christmas than regretting short term for having her.

Going away (even in the UK) is not an option with my DH's failing health and I wouldn't enjoy being in a strange place either.

100% host your mum. If anything tell all of your siblings how selfish and inconsiderate they are. But don’t leave your mum alone especially after a year of ill health.

Sorry I’ve totally changed my mind after reading this…leave her on her own. Your siblings are rightfully living their own lives without your mum.

YABU - It is one person, and that one person is your elderly mum..... There will come a day that you wish that you could invite her over!

Have no regrets!

DB was thinking of breaking up with his GF and staying with mum for Christmas!

But there's no resolution. DB is 'thinking about it'. Quite likely he will tell your mum Xmas eve that oh no that won't be possible after all.

Ugh I'd hate it if my children felt obliged to have me over at Christmas. Admittedly I am only 74 and quite fit and healthy,I'm also still working and wouldn't at all mind Christmas on my own with the pets and telly. I did go over to family last Christmas but the taxi cost best part of a 100 pounds. It was very much a day for the nuclear family which is fine by me, I always enjoy the whole Christmas period alone or in company. When the kids were teenagers as a single parent I often had to fit in with their Christmas plans.
Having said that if I had a 90 year old mum I would suck up the extra expense etc for a day or 2, it's your mum,sadly I've not had one since I was 11. Yes the other siblings are being awful but that's not the mums fault.

@Gingernan I think you will find it is the mum’s fault

nobody thinks you have to read the WHOLE thread, just the OPs posts which MN could not make more easy to pick out - you can select see all or if you have it set up their posts should be a different colour.

I just don't get the rationale behind someone seeing a post where 600 people have already commented and thinking 'No MY input is so valuable and significant and unique that I MUST post it without even reading any updates the OP has said or having a quick flick through the most recent posts to see if anything has changed or been clarified OVER THE LAST 600 posts.'

If people posted BEFORE the OPs updates then that's fully understandable but the majority of people guilt tripping and making ridiculous suggestions posted after. It's not so much looking for secret clues but considering the obvious - if none of an elderly woman's 4 children want to spend christmas with her surely most people's instinctive reaction would be 'well that's very unusual PERHAPS THERE'S A REASON FOR IT!'

you do realise that you don't get anything if a thread 'goes well' for the OP, right? You aren't awarded internet brownie points you can add to your email signature.

And in real life, if you READ THE UPDATE, things are going well for the OP, as the situation is resolved.

Absolutely disgraceful behaviour from you. Shame shame shame. She’s your mother! It may well be her last. Imagine knowing you sent her to a hotel for her LAST Christmas. I honestly can’t believe what I’ve just read.

@Jumpmom1 you haven’t read enough!

After reading your updates, I don’t think you should have ever had her for dinner. You should support your siblings from now on and follow their lead, guilt free.

WTF is wrong with people posting on a thread without bothering to read at least all OP’s posts!

Unfortunately I don’t have time to read over 600 posts 😂

@Jumpmom1 not sure why you are laughing about abuse

I think that's the point, you haven't bloody read! At least read the OP's updates. There aren't that many 🙄

Wind your neck in. You know fine well I am not laughing about abuse. I’m laughing at being unable to read 600 posts.

bye love

You could have just read the OPs posts. There were only 10 of them...

I still don't understand why OP didn't mention the abuse in her first post.
That's quite an omission.

OP: I don't want to host my Mum for Xmas
Many people: that's not kind
OP: But she was abusive
Everyone: then of course you shouldn't host her.

*I still don't understand why OP didn't mention the abuse in her first post.
That's quite an omission.

OP: I don't want to host my Mum for Xmas
Many people: that's not kind
OP: But she was abusive
Everyone: then of course you shouldn't host*

I agree it was a massive drip feed but it still doesn't excuse people wading in without at least reading the OP's posts. It just makes them look stupid.