Why do you allow your boys to fight/roughhouse

[Pooooochi]

DS is 7. I've recently noticed after school, at parties etc that most of the parents of his classmates smile & allow boys to be always punching at each other, wrestling.

If you let your kids fight, why do you?

We've always been absolutely zero tolerance on this sort of aggressive behaviour so DS just doesn't do it at all now - to the extent other adults have commented.

However, it seems like socially it means his peers sometimes push him around, they know he wont fight back. I find this sad. Why don't want a world full of aggressive men who jump at a fight any chance they get, so why do we allow it in little boys

So @Vegetus can you explain why you see more boisterous behaviour with boys in playgrounds than you do with girls. Appears it is allowed in the home with girls with siblings/parents but not out and about, but more acceptable for boys. As ‘boys will be boys’. In the same way initiation ceremonies in rugby teams, ritual humiliation of the groom on a stag do is seen as acceptable as ‘boys will be boys’. Same way going to strip club on a stag do is acceptable as ‘boys will be boys’. It all follows a pattern.

Posters on here saying boys will be ridiculed if they don’t take part in this sort of behaviour and will be seen as a wimp.

How many sisters have been bullied over the years due to being fought by their brothers because it is normal boyish behaviour?

this is alien to me... I've got 3 daughters and they do not playfight. They do hit each other sometimes, (not playing- they do it because they're annoyed)... I obviously do not allow this.

What's really weird for me in this thread is the number of parents in this thread saying they join in or even start playfighting with their children. WTF.

What's really weird for me in this thread is the number of parents in this thread saying they join in or even start playfighting with their children. WTF.

Why WTF?

I've never play fought with my kids but yep my OH has endlessly. And they loved it.
For the record they are all boys. And it feels totally natural and spontaneous.

It's something that never occurred to me to do, nor my husband. It's not something I did as a child, nor my husband.

Like why would you want to playfight. I literally do not understand.

@mugboat I think it possible that the posters you are referring to just have a different definition of playfighting than you do? I would say that I roughouse with my children, we have a game where we rugby tackle each other to the ground to get the ball of each other. My kids think it is hilarious when I 'throw them on the ground', it's all fun and games. My children never hit or kick each other when they are rough housing, its rubgy tackling and wrestling.

Nonsense.

They do it because adults who are part Neanderthal themselves smile benignly and let them get away with it.

Absolutely never ever allowed rough housing or in fact any sort of violence. No play guns either. Neither ds has ever had any need to play in this way.

You seem like a lovely person, capable of a very well thought out, intelligent response.

I understand roughhousing as playfighting/play wrestling.
We used to do it with my Dad when we were younger, yes it ended in tears sometimes but we learnt boundaries on hurting eachother and managing how we "fought".

Other kids used to play harder than us, but we were just taught that if they were playfighting and it was getting to rough for us, walk away. We had 2 neighbours who were very rough with eachother but wouldn't dream of hurting anyone else.

We now playfight with our DS, he jumps all over us, we play back. I dont allow him to kick me but my dad used to be a good boxer, so he punches my dad and kicks him, thats for them to agree on boundaries. Our DS knows not to do it in school or to anyone else. Most his friends do the same with their parents/grandparents but dont take it into school.

No, I read the thread. I understand what people are saying.

I still don't understand why anyone would playfight. Or want to playfight. Or actually encourage their children to playfight.

I had one boy and four girls. I did not allow it.

I think allowing it perpetuates male privilege. Boys who are allowed to do this, whether at home or in public spaces, are being allowed to dominate a space in a way that girls are rarely permitted to.

Then we wonder why men are loud and boorish in public spaces, why they allow testosterone to get the better of them behind the wheel, why man spreading is a thing, why men feel free to piss in public, and all the other anti social behaviour we see, from disruption in classrooms to hooliganism and all the way to domestic violence.

This is spot on

Like why would you want to playfight. I literally do not understand.

Fine. 👍🏻 Room for all types in this world.

But lots of people are different.

But it's also a normal, healthy thing for kids to do if they want to. It teaches boundaries and releases energy.

My son is now in his early teens and he is gentle, lovely, has a great sense of humour our, and he is popular, he has lots of friends. And so far he is not moody or angry etc. He doesn't display what is considered "typical male teenage" behaviour. Maybe because he was encouraged to speak and not to fight, (same as the girls) now he is able to put in words what is happening to him.

Well, my DSs are adults and are all the things you mention plus I had no problems whatsoever through their teenage years and they were allowed to play fight.

I think allowing it perpetuates male privilege. Boys who are allowed to do this, whether at home or in public spaces, are being allowed to dominate a space in a way that girls are rarely permitted to.

What even if girl ms are allowed to do it too?

Not exclusive to boys, I used to play fight with my brother and male cousins, mainly because it was a laugh -presumably this is why DD & DS do so now. Also I join in on occasion, my bad.

can't you teach boundaries without letting people playfight.

I've always taught my children not to lay their hands on others. Why do they need to lay their hands on others to learn not hurt others?

I simply do not understand.

And no, before you say wild animals do it, humans are not wild animals.

strawman argument.

Btw I didn't play fight, neither did my brother. We're not trans.

100% agree

OK. Well I do it because my children think it is hilarious and get a lot of joy from this type of play. None of them have ever been in a physical fight with anyone. I've read the research and I can't see any reason not to.

What a load of bollocks. Mine never liked it. My niece otoh seems to love nothing more than play fighting/rough housing.

why would an adult want to playfight with a child? why is it fun for you?

perhaps they think it's funny because I imagine a grown adult fighting looks ridiculous.

How many sisters have been bullied over the years due to being fought by their brothers because it is normal boyish behaviour?

And that's obviously a parent problem for not identifying and stopping this behaviour as most parents would, even those who allow playfighting.

You might think something, but that doesn’t make it true.

There are plenty of studies into the effects and benefits of playfighting in childhood.

There are also plenty of studies into the causes of antisocial behaviour in men, and funnily enough, playfighting in childhood isn’t one of them.