Why do you allow your boys to fight/roughhouse

[Pooooochi]

DS is 7. I've recently noticed after school, at parties etc that most of the parents of his classmates smile & allow boys to be always punching at each other, wrestling.

If you let your kids fight, why do you?

We've always been absolutely zero tolerance on this sort of aggressive behaviour so DS just doesn't do it at all now - to the extent other adults have commented.

However, it seems like socially it means his peers sometimes push him around, they know he wont fight back. I find this sad. Why don't want a world full of aggressive men who jump at a fight any chance they get, so why do we allow it in little boys

Thought I'd best add for those that read my post and didn't just skip through:

Each one of us 'fighting sisters' had only 1 dc each, all boys- and none of them, in all their diversity, are violent at all. Big and strong, yes; violent no; but all 3 of them would independently use their strength to protect a more vulnerable person.

Rough housing is incredibly important for young boys, they don't need to be knocking lumps out of each other but some physical play is very beneficial.

I don’t allow play-fighting because of the patriarchy, as I’ve made abundantly clear. @2pence

I've never witnessed boys hitting/punching each other and parents ignoring it. I've never actually witnessed much hitting and no punching at all!

Agree.

I wouldn't call that rough housing . I'd call that plain fighting.

I agree.

I haven’t raised my kids gender neutral - my son is a boy and my daughter is a girl. I did however make a conscious choice not to automatically default to the “pink” option for my daughter. “Boys” toys (or the multicoloured version rather than the pink version!) are more visually appealing at that age anyway. However, over time my daughter did start gravitating to everything pink/glittery/unicorn/princess, regardless of what toy options were presented to her.

My son is still pretty young and we have done the same for him. He plays with lots of his sisters old toys and his penis has not yet fallen off so it must be okay.

Even as young infants there are some subtle differences between my children though, which can’t be explained by direct familial influence - in fact, I’d suspect my younger son actually has more access to “girly” things than my daughter does, since our house now has many “girly” toys belonging to her. My daughter loved soft toys at his age whereas my son isn’t interested. My son instead gravitates towards working things out, like opening and closing doors and such. It could be just personality though, obviously.

I think the best thing that has happened for both my children is for their father to be the primary caregiver - I work more hours than he does. I hope my daughter, if she chooses to have a male partner and children, will choose someone who is similarly hands on, and I hope my son, if he chooses a female partner and have kids, will do his fair share. And I hope they will both be kind, gentle yet assertive, and stick up for their beliefs.

I allow my sons to playfight because it’s an important part of child development, not because of the patriarchy!

Playfighting in childhood helps combat later aggression. But that is something you could easily find out for yourself. I suspect you’re not interested, though.

I don't think fighting is the norm in secondary schools anymore. I asked my son if anyone ever has fights in his school and he looked at me like I was insane.

Is the penis required for this rough housing? What happens if a girl does it?

If you are at a playground how often do you see groups of girls rough housing, wrestling etc? Or even groups of lads with a girl or two? Is it not mainly lads? Is that not because of ‘boys will be boys’?

Playfighting is normal behaviour for children of both sexes. I used to playfight with my dad as a child and now my DH and I both do it with our eldest daughter. I expect the little one will when she's older, too. My brothers used to do it to me too but as they were much older it wasn't exactly a fair fight!

Between children of similar ages and sizes though, it's a good way of forming bonds, practicing empathy and social cues (it's important to know what will and won't be too much for your playmate) and developing coordination. As long as it's all in good fun, in a suitable location and, with young children, under adult supervision, I don't see the harm.

Oh fuck off will you, this thread referred to boys.

@Waitingfortheconferencehosttojoin I'm not sure what we're disagreeing about. You said I was wrong. What about please?

In what world do thugs prosper?! I dont think my husband or any of our male friends have ever been in a fight. They are all prospering, in that they have lovely families, successful careers and nice homes.

Play fighting (as long as both parties are willing and happy) is known to be beneficial to children’s development.

There’s research to say it actually can reduce the risk of future violent behaviour and is beneficial to a child’s physical and emotional development.

I allowed my child to roughhouse because there is quite a bit of research that says it is good for children. ( boys or girls)

@Vivi0 I've seen plenty of play fighting, boys and girls.

The question from OP was, when boys get violent when playing, why do some parents not intervene (and later, why do some even encourage it)?

The answer is the patriarchy. That's why.

This is me and my older brother ; I used to love scrapping with him; he used to half heartedly join in to humour me 🤣

I think you’re on the wrong thread.

They are juvenile male animals. It happens. I never wanted boys that fight but they do it all the time. My DH has to pull them apart and separate them.

My boys are almost identical to young gorillas so maybe it's just them!!

Some of the mental gymnastics on here astounds me, let your kids play rough (which they all nearly enjoy) and they'll be performing in hazing ceremonies at rugby 😂

Never change Mumsnet.

Why do boys rough and tumble? Because they are raised to do it in our patriarchal society.

well i think this is arse @2pence

Tbh your on boys not liking girls sounds like an A1 lecture.

A prepubescent boy who is friends with girls will be mocked and shamed by his prepubescent peers such is the message that girls are lesser than boys.

Is this your opinion or straight up " fact"?.

My two brothers did lots of rough play and I'd sometimes get involved. My two nephews have/ had no interest in it.

I think people can parent how they like with this in mind, rough housing absolutely does not encourage violent behaviour in normal life. There just isn't a link. It doesn't affect morality.

It's ok to not like it but to imply it makes bullies is a bit wacky in my opinion.

I think you are possibly lumping a lot of harmless behaviours such as restling and rugby tackling in with harmful behaviours such as hitting, kicking and punching.

I loved wrestling when I was a child. It was one of my favourite games.