Tradesman Asked Me Out

[Creepy23]

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work

He kept the keys as an excuse to see her again.

Do men really not understand how creepy it is to have someone who has your home address and your keys coming on to you out of the blue?

"like you were a meal or something"

FFS 😭

I feel sorry for him, he simply asked if she'd like to go for coffee.

The fact OP has mentioned his a age a few times just makes me think she's more insulted he thought he'd have a chance with her

The work thing does make it weirder. Are you going to change your locks?

Well, to be fair, the "tradesman" didn't try to hide it.

You have a real problem with men!!

You kind of are yes, because as much as I'm firmly in the YANBU camp, it's crystal clear that you are too so I'm not sure why you're asking?

I don’t hide being a man. I usually check out the property threads because I’m a builder.

Im as entitled to comment as anyone else.

Ugh, so awkward. I think I'd ignore the entire thing tbh. Not use that guy again, and I'd only report it if he kept trying.

But they didn't have your phone number or address till you gave it to them, generally

He'd been employed to do a job in her home and had her details because of that. I think he crossed a line.

@adriftinadenofvipers - I reported him and the housing association made the decision to terminate his employment as he had crossed a boundary and ignored the rules that were written into his employment contract.

Given that this individual had access to my phone number, my address and the master key to all the flats, I wasn't too concerned. If he'd abided by the rules he wouldn't have been sacked in the first place!

You clearly think creepy behaviour by men is acceptable. Are you a man?? If you're not then you're an apologist for creepy behaviour by men.

You clearly don't take into account the circumstances surrounding these men 'asking women out'. Access to their homes and personal information. Women feel at a disadvantage and threatened.

If you're that concerned, why give a tradie a key to your home in the first place?

I never do, not because I have some weird distrust of men, but because I don't like strangers in my house when I'm not here!

I am a woman, but I have a sense of proportion.

I don't get the point of starting a thread, you feel it's inappropriate and creepy and are simply contesting any alternative options, its fine to feel how you do so what's the point?

Oh for fuck sake, there's no need for that. Just either reply 'no thanks' or block. Unnecessary to be totally vindictive about it.

Nothing wrong with him asking, also nothing wrong with you declining his invitation.

I doubt it. I expect he wasn’t sure where he’d be.

customers can’t make their minds up.

He didn’t need an excuse to see her again, he asked her out by text.

And she said no, and he respected that.

His text was a bit weird too - not the coffee invitation, the way it was phrased. It made me shudder. There was something calculated about it, like he was trying really hard not to sound creepy but failing. “I found you very nice” 🤢 Like you were a meal or something.

Jesus wept! 😆😆

I'm very much not that generation and I think it's inappropriate

@adriftinadenofvipers - and what the hell are you talking about - "come back"?? What kind of come back could there have been?? He was out of line and the company knew it! I was 100% right to report it, and their response only confirmed that I was right to do so.

There could have been comeback and you know it. You're a bloke.

What's the point of anyone starting any thread then?

Now I recognise the red flags of manipulation and stalking behaviour

Do you? He asked if or coffee. It's not stalking or manipulation is it.

Well done for telling is you get asked out often, in which case you should know how to deal with this. 'Im flattered but im not interested in dating, all the best'.

If he had waited a decent amount of time, perhaps two weeks, to reach out and ask to meet up, I don't think that would be an issue. It's the way he went about it. He was being manipulative and it's fucking creepy. Anyone who can't see that has blinders on.

He withheld her keys to suit his agenda! It's creepy and hints at manipulation! And he's well older than her, the delusional prick.
OP take no notice of the idiots on here who think stalkerish bollocks is flattering and should be met with gratitude and coquettish giggles.
Get your locks changed.

If you feel its inappropriate say 'no', block home and report him to his superiors. You don't need to come on mumsnet to argue with people who think differently.

Nah, I get it op. If he’d just asked you out without the key aspect, I’d think fair play to him really. He hasn’t been pushy or weird, just interested in you but that fact he hung on to your keys and was asking to meet you where you work was inappropriate.

Nope, just double checked, definitely got a vagina and woman boobs, and the three kids I pushed out are round and about. WTF is wrong with you?!

He was out of line but all you had to say was no. I couldn't have someone losing their job because I reported them, not unless they did something serious.

He might have known some unsavoury types. You could have got your windows put in.