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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tradesman Asked Me Out

528 replies

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 14:52

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

Tradesman Asked Me Out
OP posts:
FrangipaniBlue · 29/10/2023 16:03

Why do people keep saying he 'deliberately' kept the keys?

He said he didn't know if he'd be near her house..... it's a big old leap from there to him lying to keep the keys. The fact he put them through her door the very next day suggests he genuinely wasn't near her house the first day but was the second?

DH is a tradesman and if he wasn't near someone's house but was near their work he may well offer to drop them at their work if they needed them back that same day.

This thread is very weird and a bit hysterical tbh.

Blanketpolicy · 29/10/2023 16:03

This is how people meet other people. He asked politely, take it as a compliment, decline if you are not interested and move on.

Your are assuming he held onto your keys, he might not have been able to drop back to your work either until the next day. Your past has maybe made you more sensitive to this and perhaps reading things that are not there, but how is he supposed to know that?

If he then doesn't let it drop, of course report him to his company, but so far he hasn't done anything wrong (apart from possibly a slight infringement of GDPR using your number for a non work related purpose, but I personally would overlook that in this context as long as he drops it when you say no).

Ghostrainstorm · 29/10/2023 16:03

It’s highly likely OP that he just asked you out because he thought you were nice - it’s what people used to do . Sometimes the invitee said yes sometimes they didn’t . It used to be the norm - I turned down unwanted invitations a number of times 20 years ago and honestly thought nothing of it .

if you are anxious now change your locks and never give your key to someone again - arrange to be at home for work to be done - if that’s a days leave so be it .

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 29/10/2023 16:04

@adriftinadenofvipers - Well, if the housing association had a "sense of proportion", they wouldn't have sacked him, would they? If it was just me blowing things out of all proportion....

It was in his contract not to do what he did. He did it, he faced the consequences. And, as I said, it came to light that he'd been inappropriate previously. I was almost relieved to hear that, I then knew I HADN"T blown it out of proportion.

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:04

This thread shows just how much womens boundaries have been worn away. If he wanted to ask you out he should have found another way, not gone against all gdpr rules.

Nonsense, how should he have asked her out?

Original poster
Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 16:04

FrangipaniBlue · 29/10/2023 16:03

Why do people keep saying he 'deliberately' kept the keys?

He said he didn't know if he'd be near her house..... it's a big old leap from there to him lying to keep the keys. The fact he put them through her door the very next day suggests he genuinely wasn't near her house the first day but was the second?

DH is a tradesman and if he wasn't near someone's house but was near their work he may well offer to drop them at their work if they needed them back that same day.

This thread is very weird and a bit hysterical tbh.

He called me FROM MY HOUSE to say the work was complete.

OP posts:
SaturdayGiraffe · 29/10/2023 16:04

This is why the woman plumber I found was booked up a year in advance.

Original poster
Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 16:05

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:04

This thread shows just how much womens boundaries have been worn away. If he wanted to ask you out he should have found another way, not gone against all gdpr rules.

Nonsense, how should he have asked her out?

Why are men so entitled? Why did he NEED to ask me out?

Why couldn't he just do the job and meet women elsewhere.

OP posts:
duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:05

Why do people keep saying he 'deliberately' kept the keys?

Because it's easier to believe he's a cannibalistic murdering stalker than someone who is busy & disorganised...

SpringHexagon · 29/10/2023 16:05

I voted YABU as this sounds utterly nonsensical. How do you know he held onto your keys to be manipulative? He did say he wasn't sure where he would be on the day you asked him to put the keys through your door, this doesn't seem particularly odd in my eyes, I live with a tradesman that could be working at the opposite end of the country on different days.
I think the text was polite and can't really see what folks issues are. People only seem offended by stuff like this when they are not attracted to the offender, certainly can't imagine a thread like this being put up about a Chris Hemsworth look a like.
Either be courteous and let him know you're not interested, or just ignore it and move on with your life. Jeez.

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 16:05

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 29/10/2023 16:04

@adriftinadenofvipers - Well, if the housing association had a "sense of proportion", they wouldn't have sacked him, would they? If it was just me blowing things out of all proportion....

It was in his contract not to do what he did. He did it, he faced the consequences. And, as I said, it came to light that he'd been inappropriate previously. I was almost relieved to hear that, I then knew I HADN"T blown it out of proportion.

Well once you reported it, they had to act on it, didn't they?!

You should not have been told if he had been inappropriate previously. That's a breach of confidentiality. Maybe go back and report that too.

Nicknacky · 29/10/2023 16:05

Maybe he has been stung before by keys going missing and wanted to give them to you personally?

Not everything has to have a dark meaning behind it.

Pooooochi · 29/10/2023 16:06

I don't get it. He sent a polite offer of a coffee?

If you aren't interested you say thanks but no thanks. How is a bloke supposed to ask someone out?

how much older are you talking?

Ghostrainstorm · 29/10/2023 16:06

a friend of mine has been in a relationship with a tradesman who asked her out maybe 15 years ago ever since .

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2023 16:06

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 16:04

He called me FROM MY HOUSE to say the work was complete.

Show quote history

Exactly. FFS, some people are so thick. How can you not understand how deliberate and manipulative this was of him?

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 29/10/2023 16:06

@adriftinadenofvipers - He would have struggled to put my windows in, on the 7th floor. And if he was that type, unsavoury - I'm even more glad he was sacked!!

DarklySparkly · 29/10/2023 16:06

I wouldn’t like this. If he’d asked you out in person in an upfront way when he was there it may have been okay but the way he handled it is creepy. YANBU.

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:07

Why are men so entitled? Why did he NEED to ask me out?

There's nothing inherently wrong with a man or women asking someone out though?

Why couldn't he just do the job and meet women elsewhere.

Most people meet through work, it isn't unusual.

FrangipaniBlue · 29/10/2023 16:07

Ah ok I misunderstood I thought you meant it was a few days later.

Yeah that is a bit weird that he didn't just leave them there then.....

If he'd left the keys and then text to ask you for coffee I'd think it was ok.

But keeping your keys for a day when there was no need probably would give me the creeps a bit too!

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 29/10/2023 16:07

I think this is difficult. Because if the op had posted "I've had a tradesman in doing a job and I really fancy him. The jobs finished, would I be unreasonable to ask him out?" She'd be advised to give it a go as she had nothing to lose.

This IS different given he's worked in your home and had your keys. I think I'd feel similarly creeped out and should actually change the lock. And because like it or not as women we are more vulnerable than men.

But it could very easily have been entirely innocent. His message in itself, if he'd met you in different circumstances, isn't creepy. And as a man I don't think it's unreasonable for him not to realise it's creepy, as if a female tradey messaged a male client I doubt they'd find it so. Because as a man you'll never really understand how the dynamic is different unless it's explicit pointed out.

You feel how you feel, so you've done the right thing. You've blocked him so now unless he tries to get in touch another way I'd change the locks and leave it there. On the other hand if he persists I'd report to his company as that very definitely crosses a line

Edited to correct typos

HakunaMatiłda · 29/10/2023 16:07

@Creepy23 I’m curious, why does the tradesperson having your bank details make any difference to anything? (And how does he have them?!)

Zone2NorthLondon · 29/10/2023 16:07

KnickerlessParsons · 29/10/2023 15:14

I think that was quite sweet and I'd be flattered, even if not interested.
A
"Thank you, but I'm married" would be a suitable reply.

No. She’s not married. You’re advising she lie to protect his ego from a knockback
It’s not op role to consider his feelings upon rejection or to invent a lie to soften the impact
Women don’t need to make life easier for me.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 29/10/2023 16:07

If your job gives you access to women’s homes and you use that access to come on to them, you’re a creep.

This^ And very unprofessional. Most employers would take a very dim view of this for good reason. I'd find it unsettling if someone had come on to me when I'd given them absolutely no signs that I was interested, knowing that they'd had access to my housekeys, all my contact details, my bank details..... I can't believe that so many on here are fine with it. He's already pushed boundaries, how many more is he willing to push?

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 16:08

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 29/10/2023 16:06

@adriftinadenofvipers - He would have struggled to put my windows in, on the 7th floor. And if he was that type, unsavoury - I'm even more glad he was sacked!!

It was an example. How would I know where you live?!! Wouldn't want to, you'd probably find something to report me over.

Let down your tyres? Oh, you don't have a car. Revenge of some sort.

Original poster
Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 16:08

FrangipaniBlue · 29/10/2023 16:03

Why do people keep saying he 'deliberately' kept the keys?

He said he didn't know if he'd be near her house..... it's a big old leap from there to him lying to keep the keys. The fact he put them through her door the very next day suggests he genuinely wasn't near her house the first day but was the second?

DH is a tradesman and if he wasn't near someone's house but was near their work he may well offer to drop them at their work if they needed them back that same day.

This thread is very weird and a bit hysterical tbh.

Presumably your husband isn't asking his customers out. Doubt you'd find that 'hysterical.'

Could even be your husband for all I know.

OP posts:
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