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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tradesman Asked Me Out

528 replies

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 14:52

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

Tradesman Asked Me Out
OP posts:
category12 · 29/10/2023 15:16

If you're anxious about it, change your locks.

He's probably just an ordinary guy and nothing to worry about, but no point taking chances if you feel weirded out by him. Always go with your gut.

helpfulperson · 29/10/2023 15:18

This is how we used to meet people before online dating. It was people whose paths we crossed and if we were interested we asked them out and if they weren't interested they said so.

TortolaParadise · 29/10/2023 15:20

That he held on to your key is odd in my mind. Work is work. I think too many people blur the lines.

Kittenkitty · 29/10/2023 15:20

I don’t think you’re unreasonable, it sounds like you didn’t know enough about each other for him to like you or not. Sounds like he liked the look of you rather than felt a genuine connection which might be different.

Also think he could have said, if you ever fancy going for a coffee or something feel free to get in touch. Doesn’t leave you having to say yes or no. There’s just other options for doing this. Slightly different but a man I knew from work wanted to ask me out and he asked if it would be ok if he used my number for personal contact. Which I found a bit more respectful. Indicated an awareness of boundaries. It is tricky.

AutumnBonfires · 29/10/2023 15:23

A lot of tradesmen try their luck. My friend who was recently widowed at the time ended up getting very hurt, she only found out he already had a partner because his mate who worked alongside him felt bad for her and spoke up. l am on my own and have found some to be a real nuisance, l wouldn't touch one with a bargepole.

HamBone · 29/10/2023 15:24

category12 · 29/10/2023 15:16

If you're anxious about it, change your locks.

He's probably just an ordinary guy and nothing to worry about, but no point taking chances if you feel weirded out by him. Always go with your gut.

I agree, @category12 . He’s probably perfectly nice, but I can see why you’re creeped out, OP, he’s got your address, number, email and he asked for your work address.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 29/10/2023 15:25

I think you're over-worrying but understand why because of your history

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 29/10/2023 15:25

It's unprofessional. Especially so as he has access to all the personal details about you and has been in your house. I've had a similar situation; the man worked for my housing association and came round to investigate a noise complaint. He was very pleasant. A few days later he posted a letter through my door asking me out. The worst bit was when he wrote "...I think you felt it too" - no I fucking didn't!!

I reported it and he was sacked. It is expressly against the rules for staff to ask out tenants. The housing officer was totally on board and even said that he'd been inappropriate on a couple of other occasion with her!

YANBU.

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 15:26

He met you via work which isn't unusual & asked you for a coffee. I really don't see the big deal?

InSpainTheRain · 29/10/2023 15:26

I dont see how he has done anything wrong. If you don't want to go just say no thanks. If he then constantly posters you it's a problem, but not at first ask. Perhaps he does genuinely want to go for a coffee and he is a nice bloke! No need to ruin him by calling him out in your review or any of the stuff others have suggested.

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 15:27

Imagine the person has your phone number, email address, bank account details, home address and had a key to your house for several days. You know nothing about them.

But he had this regardless if he asked you for a coffee or not?

THisbackwithavengeance · 29/10/2023 15:27

How old are you OP?

A man fancied you and asked you out. You only had to say thanks but no thanks. And leave it at that.

All this talk of blocking, reporting, leaving bad reviews. What is wrong with the current generation that you can only date randomers you meet online but any chance meeting face to face is somehow creepy or criminal.

What if you had fancied him? Would you have blocked him then for being inappropriate?

Original poster
Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 15:28

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 15:27

Imagine the person has your phone number, email address, bank account details, home address and had a key to your house for several days. You know nothing about them.

But he had this regardless if he asked you for a coffee or not?

It makes him seem a lot less professional. If I ever used a customer's data to ask them out I'd be instantly sacked.

OP posts:
duchiebun · 29/10/2023 15:30

It makes him seem a lot less professional. If I ever used a customer's data to ask them out I'd be instantly sacked.

But he had the data already because he was doing work? How would you have preferred for him to ask you out?

CopperLion · 29/10/2023 15:31

I agree with the OP that this is not on because of the specific circumstances - it’s a perfectly gentle text message, but not appropriate from a man who has all that info about and keys to her home, given in a professional capacity. I also live alone and have been surprised by how many tradesman think it’s ok to openly flirt or ask me out without any kind of encouraging signals. It feels invasive.

Original poster
Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 15:31

THisbackwithavengeance · 29/10/2023 15:27

How old are you OP?

A man fancied you and asked you out. You only had to say thanks but no thanks. And leave it at that.

All this talk of blocking, reporting, leaving bad reviews. What is wrong with the current generation that you can only date randomers you meet online but any chance meeting face to face is somehow creepy or criminal.

What if you had fancied him? Would you have blocked him then for being inappropriate?

I'd estimate he was at least 10 - 20 years older than me. I'd say that's also a factor, yeah. I don't think I'm a snowflake for finding that weird.

OP posts:
duchiebun · 29/10/2023 15:31

Do you live at the house?

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 15:32

I would just reply & saw you're not interested, have a boyfriend etc

ReadtheReviews · 29/10/2023 15:33

Eesh and he wanted to know where you worked too. I'd probably be changing the locks.

Palmasailor · 29/10/2023 15:33

THisbackwithavengeance · 29/10/2023 15:27

How old are you OP?

A man fancied you and asked you out. You only had to say thanks but no thanks. And leave it at that.

All this talk of blocking, reporting, leaving bad reviews. What is wrong with the current generation that you can only date randomers you meet online but any chance meeting face to face is somehow creepy or criminal.

What if you had fancied him? Would you have blocked him then for being inappropriate?

It’s just lame. All the poor sod did was politely ask her out and she got neurotic about it.

Just get over it FFS. Next you’ll be asking where all the decent men went.

applepieandtea · 29/10/2023 15:33

JustAnotherDayInNorfolk · 29/10/2023 15:05

I think you are over reacting. He thought you looked nice and just asked you for a coffee. This is how it used to be before you swiped left or right on tinder!

I remember them days when people just met people.
Not this online creepy stuff.

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 15:33

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 15:12

Imagine the person has your phone number, email address, bank account details, home address and had a key to your house for several days. You know nothing about them.

Tell me you'd give all this to a stranger on Tinder and feel ok about it.

Show quote history

But this isn't a stranger on Tinder. This is someone whose name you know and you know the company he works for.

TortolaParadise · 29/10/2023 15:33

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 15:27

Imagine the person has your phone number, email address, bank account details, home address and had a key to your house for several days. You know nothing about them.

But he had this regardless if he asked you for a coffee or not?

Sounds live a bad movie - Fatal Attraction!

Original poster
Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 15:33

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 15:30

It makes him seem a lot less professional. If I ever used a customer's data to ask them out I'd be instantly sacked.

But he had the data already because he was doing work? How would you have preferred for him to ask you out?

I'd have preferred him not to ask me out at all? He doesn't need to.

It's a GDPR breach.

OP posts:
Fifireee · 29/10/2023 15:35

I was burgled once when I was a student and the police officer who came round to investigate asked me out.
Very uncomfortable

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