Tradesman Asked Me Out

[Creepy23]

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

YANBU

I'd include the screenshot in your online review.

Also, you could probably report him for breaching GDPR rules.

I have ended up voting YABU but I always regret voting! I don't like it much, I had a roofing company do my roof a few years ago and he was definitely angling for a date. Particularly unattractive as he told me how much his mum wanted him to get married again [vom] It is a very odd feeling as a woman living on your own to have these men in your home and it does feel threatening if they try and make it personal. I suppose at least I feel he did wait until after they'd finished.

Do you feel that he's crossed a boundary and you're not interested? Also do you live alone? Might be with getting extra security on your property in case your key has been copied. This would be extremely unlikely I'm sure but just to be safe. I don't think YABU, I think I'd feel the same.

*worth not with

Yabu. Just decline, block and move on.

I wouldn't really like it unless I'd fancied him, but wouldn't want to live in a world where this was seen as a bad thing. As long as he doesn't text again.

I do live alone.

He didn't even know my relationship status or anything. Just that I was the person choosing the product and paying.

Bloody hell. He’s not a rapist op. He said he thought you were nice and asked you for a coffee ffs 😂 he shot he shot and you’re not interested. Say no and carry on with your life

I was in an abusive relationship that ended at the end of summer. Very controlling, threatening etc. and the police had to give a disclosure.

I suppose it bothers me since this was the first non-family male I've had in my house and it made me feel unsafe.

I thought I was moving forward by making changes to my house, but it ended up another man being entitled and making it about what suited him.

I think you are over reacting. He thought you looked nice and just asked you for a coffee. This is how it used to be before you swiped left or right on tinder!

I wasn't on Tinder though. I paid him to complete work on my house.

Bloody hell. He’s not a rapist op

Actually, she doesn't know if he is a rapist or not.

YANBU to feel uncomfortable about it and block him.

I thought you were going to post some kind of sex message, not an invitation for coffee!

If you don't fancy him just reply No thanks.

No song and dance needed here.

Honestly, he asked you for a coffee. It's no big deal. He met you through some work he was doing and thought he might like to meet you socially. You are Seriously over reacting.

This.

It seems he did his best to meet you, with the excuse to return your keys.
I can think of a couple of relationships which developed from tradesmen working for women. One is that of a good friend of mine: they’re still together and very happy after many years. The other is that of Julie Walters and Grant Roffey (admittedly she’d met him first in a pub). She invited him to repair her washing machine which led to a whirlwind romance and parenthood.

I don’t think you’re over reacting! It’s weird and creepy for a man who has for your details in a professional capacity to use them to send a creepy text to you. You clearly can him zero indication you were interested. I would send a screenshot and a complaint to the company.

For God's sakes, he was polite and old school. He didn't send a cock pic.

This is how people started dating before dating apps. If you fancied someone who you met, you asked them for a drink. If they say no then that's it and you wouldn't bother them again.

It's not creepy or breaking any laws.

Imagine the person has your phone number, email address, bank account details, home address and had a key to your house for several days. You know nothing about them.

Tell me you'd give all this to a stranger on Tinder and feel ok about it.

Asking someone out is fine but I'd be uncomfortable because he asked for your work address which was absolutely unnecessary. He should just have put the keys through the door when he or his team left, and because he delayed returning your keys, which means he could have had them copied.

I wouldn't be happy either. YANBU.

I think that was quite sweet and I'd be flattered, even if not interested.
A
"Thank you, but I'm married" would be a suitable reply.

YANBU that would make me feel uncomfortable too, especially having experience of male violence, I'd worry how he'd react from being turned down because you just don't know, and also feel vulnerable that I'd given him my keys and lived alone. Hopefully it'll be nothing but I think especially if you've already had bad experiences it's difficult not to worry.

I'd think this was inappropriate, you provided your number for professional reasons, not so he could ask you out. I'd be just as uncomfortable if similar happened with anyone else who had my number for professional or business reasons. Uber driver, gardener, doctor, whatever. It's presumptive and unprofessional to use a customer's data that they provided in good faith to try and get a date.

Whilst the invite is polite and fairly bland I think the principle of it is unprofessional. I can also empathise that a single woman could very well find it intimidating that a workman (or any man who she considers a relative stranger) who's had access to her house and keys and knows where she works was showing a personal interest in her. If you had shown an interest in him during your interactions that would be different but you are clear that you didn't so he should have known better.

It's YANBU from me.