Tradesman Asked Me Out

[Creepy23]

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

How strange

I feel embarrassed for you 😂

Builders and trades aren't the most tactful usually..

Why do you say that? Why perpetuate the false idea that builders and tradesmen don't know how to behave in polite society?

My brother and brother-in-law who are both in the building trade, would beg to differ. I can't imagine them putting a foot wrong in a work situation and know they would not only be angry at the suggestion that they or their staff didn't know how to behave but they would take a complaint seriously. It's their livelihood.

That doesn't mean to say unscrupulous or nutty clients don't make spurious complaints but sometimes when people say things about people you just know and get that sinking feeling that they're telling the truth like that bloke doing a piss in someone's water tank and someone else laughing about it. It's disgusting, isn't it? I know this and I am not in the building trade.

Two builders took shits in the basement of a building we paid for them to do up. The smell and the flies alerted us. What fucking cunts. Why would you do that? I imagine it was because they thought we deserved it. I can't remember what person boasted about pissing in people's water tanks but I will come back to you about how disgusting that wanker is

Though not builders, my husband and I also do jobs in people's homes or in private situations. In my job people tell me the most private things. In my husband's job people often get naked.

It is a privilege to have people trust you and neither of us has ever been that hard up for dates.

Sounds like you don't have a clue.

Imagine the person has your phone number, email address, bank account details, home address and had a key to your house for several days. You know nothing about them

Exactly. + your work address too.

From some of the stupid 'be kind' type replies on here I suspect some responders are men

OP is right. Its very creepy.

Yes he was unprofessional but the OP is on high alert due to past experience and is in danger of this spoiling her moving into her lovely new house.

I fully understand her. Trust me. However I think she should at least give him the chance to take no for an answer and move on rather than expecting the worst and worrying about GDPR etc. From his messages re keys there is no evidence he was deliberately trying to follow her to work or stall her. I mean this for her mental health, not for the sake of being nice to random men taking chances asking women out.

Usually 'no' will be the end of the matter. Change the locks if it gives peace of mind. If it isn't the end of the matter, then you can move onto resporting him etc or worrying but why jump a step? Part of recovering from shit experiences is yes, being wise to risk but developing proportionality in your responses.

Having sex is a bit of a reach from having coffee!!!!

Unclench. He doesn't have her work address.

OP - deleted my last account since a few of the replies were so misogynistic it put me off the site.

After reading the comments, I decided to leave an honest review. I said the quality of work was good etc. though the phone number I'd provided solely for the work to be completed had been used to ask me on a date and I felt this was inappropriate. I gave a good rating overall but clicked no for the 'would you recommend' box.

To address the other comments about me being 'hysterical' - no, I'm not changing my locks. I'm a reasonable person.

I just wanted to gauge why he might have done it.

I found an ICO statement:

https://ico.org.uk/about-the-ico/media-centre/news-and-blogs/2023/08/one-in-three-young-people-falling-prey-to-text-pests-as-ico-calls-for-victims-to-come-forward/

• Research commissioned by the ICO reveals that 29% of 18-34-year-olds received unwanted contact after giving their personal information to a business.
• 66% of the public believes it is not morally right to use personal details given for business purposes for romantic or sexual propositions. Only 5% believe it to be morally right.
• “It is against the law.” - ICO takes steps to combat “text pests”, contacting major delivery companies to emphasise of legal obligations.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-66588085

"There might be this misperception that this is romantic. But it is not romantic - it's not okay, it can be very intimidating and actually it's against the law," she added.

Ms Keaney said that both the company and the individual employee could be held liable for such behaviour.

"The organisations have a responsibility that when anybody shares their data that they use it in the way that we would expect - just for the purposes that it has been shared," she said.

"If they are not doing that, that is potentially a breach of data protection law.
"But also, it is potentially an offence for that individual to be accessing info and using it for personal purposes. They could end up in court and being fined for that."

Well done OP!

Thank you. I've felt better since leaving the review.

You absolutely made the right decision.

You identifying with a creepy (and illegal) action is your problem. Best of luck with your business.

My business is doing brilliantly well. Best of luck with your dating.

Thanks - I have a date this week.

Be sure to tell him the whole saga about the creepy tradesman and see how he reacts.

I've known him for years and did tell him.

Your comment history says you're a mid-50s male.

Ask yourself why you're on a site for women implying they'll be 'spinsters' if they report harassment.

You're the same sort of age as the guy who sent the message.

None of that is any of your business or relevant.

good luck!

OP. I think you did the right thing.

agree
the really creepy men suggest a herbal tea

You did exactly the right thing OP. If I were a potential customer of this company I'd be very grateful that you shared that experience.

Of course this sales manager is polite and reasonable. Of course there's nothing you can pin on him as being threatening or aggressive, or that he or his company has let you down in any way. So what exactly is your complaint, madam?

Who cares what his motives are. He could be the most hopeless romantic on the planet. If he persists in making a customer feel uncomfortable he's got a problem and it needs to be called out.

Opposite of Excel!? 🤣