Tradesman Asked Me Out

[Creepy23]

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

Did I say that? Please don't put words into my mouth. I am well able to speak for myself.

Exactly, he could have made copies and not raised suspicions by suggesting a cheeky coffee, the cad!

Exactly.

Though I have to say, I wouldn't find it charming, but I wouldn't lose my shit over it!

Well I think you're talking bollocks too, so we're even.

She gave out her password to internet banking now???!!

I take it you know how to change your locks?

Oh I do hope the OP is au fait with changing a lock or she faces a further dilemma, if she employs a tradesman to do the job then he might know all the details of her keys and she's back to square one.
If it's a new build maybe the builders will all have copies of her keys, having put cameras all round her house and buried the bodies of their enemies under the patio.
At some point we have to take a deep breath and live.

YANBU.

This happened to me recently (not the keys thing, yuck) but tradesman in my home clearly angling for a date when he clocked I was single.

Ultimately he did the work he was hired for and left but it all felt weird I’m still left processing it after several weeks. Grim. Sorry you had to have this happened, OP.

It isn’t nasty to complain about someone using your personal information obtained professionally for their personal reasons.

If it’s a sackable offence, he will be aware of it so he’d have no one to blame but himself.

That depends on your conscience.

" still left processing it after several weeks"

Bloody hell, it must have been bad! What did he do?

Bollocks. I'm nearly 60 and people managed to meet each other in the Eighties as I did with my husband. My parents did because otherwise I wouldn't have been born.

The trick is not to be a creep. I contend this was the failing here.

You are making silly stuff up now

I would change the locks with the help of a reputable locksmith for my own peace of mind especially if I hadn't already, as others have said other random people may have a key to your first home if its not a new build. This person who has made you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, held your key and had access to your home whilst you weren't there and has declared an interest in you whilst not in a social situation so your boundaries have been breeched. More than likely innocent but you need to feel safe in your own home

It was you who posted it fgs!!!

"I'd also advise OP to change her locks and never to give her keys or passwords to internet banking out again". YOU made up the silly stuff.

Are you quite all right dear???

Indeed. Mine would be perfectly clear.

And that's where we differ.

I couldn't have someone losing their livelihood on my conscience for something minor, but then I have high standards of what is right and wrong for me.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Yea, you could report a man who politely asked for coffee. Seems rather premature and a bit mean spirited imo.

I would absolutely report if I said 'no thanks' and/or ignored and then was met with any more contact (that wasn't about the work done). At that point, it is appropriate to do so because it's moving into harassment territory and not just an invitation for a coffee.

I don't think any of us here would appreciate some random bloke that we're not attracted to, trying to hit on us. It is unprofessional and comes across a bit cheap.

Although not high standards of what is right and wrong for others to do to you.

Why are people struggling to get their heads around the fact that tradesmen and women need to be professional!?

Oh believe me, luv, I really, really do, and have - you haven't got the first clue!

But I pick my battles.

Getting someone sacked for asking you for a coffee is a really dick thing to do.

@verdantverdure
I make sure I'm home. Always have done

Im totally on the fence with this. I can see why you don't like it, and why it can be seen as innapropriate. However, I can also see it's just asking someone you liked for coffee. You are free to say yes, or no.

However, I cant help thinking that if I asked someone how they met their OH and they said oh, he was doing the painting at my new house and asked me out, he even insisted on dropping my keys back to me personally because he wanted to see me again and ask me for a drink. He said he thought I was really nice. I was single and thought why not... We went on a date and have now been married for 10 years with two kids.

I'd think that was a nice story. But would others hear that and think he was a creep?

This person was a decade or 2 older than op yet approached her for a date unprovoked and not in a social setting. He'd held on to her keys for an extra day after completing the job, despite her asking for him to leave them at the property at completion of the job, and its left her feeling uncomfortable (maybe moreso because of her relationship history, he was unaware of) The purpose of a home is for you to feel secure. She may be feeling overly vulnerable, and he has overstepped her boundaries, maybe for innocuous reasons. I don't think she should string him up for daring to ask her for a coffee date but I do think she should change the locks for many reasons

It's about the power imbalance.

Someone asking you out from inside your own home (as has happened to me and some other posters) makes you feel vulnerable because you have nowhere to run. Even asking you after the fact (like with the OP) makes you feel vulnerable, because they know where you live.

I mean, if you went on a first date with someone you met online, you wouldn't tell them where you lived would you? You keep your home a secret until you feel comfortable sharing that information. There is a power imbalance of a stranger knowing your full name and where you live when you have no idea where their home is.

I think there are very few situations where it's appropriate for a professional to ask out a client. Especially when there has been no behaviour to encourage it!

I have high standards too. We simply just disagree on those standards.

It wouldn’t be on my conscience because the man would know it is something that is likely be a sackable offence.

Don’t do something sackable and then you won’t get sacked. Simple.

Has there ever actually been a case of a tradesperson who has the keys, tamely and politely asking someone for coffee, after rhe job is done and paid for, who has copied the keys before giving them back and then broken in and raped the woman?

just wondering as so many seem to think this is a very real risk since he had the temerity to ask her politely if she wanted to meet for coffee. With the very tame,,”I thought you were nice” added on.