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AIBU?

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Original poster

Tradesman Asked Me Out

528 replies

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 14:52

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

Tradesman Asked Me Out
OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 29/10/2023 18:52

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 18:44

Oh my god.... the man dismissed will have known exactly who got him dismissed, and lord knows what type of person he is, or what type of people he might know, in his personal life. He could very well have set out for revenge. Is that such a stretch???

I never said anything about "justifiable".

I would have concerns about putting myself in that position.

Is that so difficult to comprehend?

If he did get dismissed, the only person he'd have to blame is himself.

If you don't want to get dismissed, don't use personal information gained professionally for personal reasons. It isn't difficult.

DepartureLounge · 29/10/2023 18:52

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 15:44

He should have put my keys through my door on the day I requested. Holding onto them was manipulative.

I paid him to do a job. That was it.

If I wanted a date, I'd be on a dating site. Or meet someone on a night out.

Show quote history

And if you'd wanted a date with him, you could have asked him to hang on to the keys until you could arrange a time to collect them personally, or invited him to come at a time you'd be in to receive them, or any of half a dozen things you could have said that might have given him any idea at all you'd like to see him again.

As it is, you told him to put them through the door and you ignored his message asking for your work address, both of which should have made it obvious you had no such interest - and yet still he ploughed on. I think it's very clear he has no sense of boundaries even leaving aside the undoubted unprofessionalism of using your personal data in this way.

He's a creep and yanbu at all to be creeped out.

And sadly, yes, change the locks.

So depressing how many people think this was OK, and also how many people here think the best rebuff is to tell him you're already with someone.

Palmasailor · 29/10/2023 18:57

Electro79 · 29/10/2023 17:17

But there are no professional boundaries are there?, because presumably the tradesman is just that, a tradesman.

He may be required to complete work to the building regs or the customers choice of colour, but aside from getting the job done there are no set rules or standards - to be fair thats why most of us in the trades love it, no political correctness, no human resources, no clocking in, no targets (other than a good job of course), generally no managers.

Often you form a rapport with customers, often customers become friends and acquaintances.

Show quote history

I’ll tell you what else, I reject a full 60% of enquiries that come my way. I just feel something is off and I don’t want the work.

I never know precisely why it is I just get a feeling but I either think there’s an unrealistic expectation, they don’t know what they want or I’ll have trouble getting paid or some other outright neurotic stupidity that just means it’ll be a disaster.

I just pick it up on my radar, and I don’t quote for the work. Most of it is by recommendation now and that works both ways. If the customer is being recommended by a decent balanced paying customer then it’s likely in my experience that the customer being referred is the same.

Turkeys tend to fly with Turkeys. If they’re horrible to work for, neurotic and bad payers the people they recommend will be the same.

Trace68 · 29/10/2023 18:59

Politey decline and move on.

99% of the time the bloke is not a rapist or a killer.

If you report him and get him sacked then you might invoke a 'problem '

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 18:59

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/10/2023 18:52

If he did get dismissed, the only person he'd have to blame is himself.

If you don't want to get dismissed, don't use personal information gained professionally for personal reasons. It isn't difficult.

Show quote history

I'm not talking about that at all - I am saying the poster was fortunate that the man sacked didn't come after her and attack her in some way!

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 18:59

Trace68 · 29/10/2023 18:59

Politey decline and move on.

99% of the time the bloke is not a rapist or a killer.

If you report him and get him sacked then you might invoke a 'problem '

Exactly the point I've been trying to make that posters seem incapable of comprehending!

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 19:02

DepartureLounge · 29/10/2023 18:52

And if you'd wanted a date with him, you could have asked him to hang on to the keys until you could arrange a time to collect them personally, or invited him to come at a time you'd be in to receive them, or any of half a dozen things you could have said that might have given him any idea at all you'd like to see him again.

As it is, you told him to put them through the door and you ignored his message asking for your work address, both of which should have made it obvious you had no such interest - and yet still he ploughed on. I think it's very clear he has no sense of boundaries even leaving aside the undoubted unprofessionalism of using your personal data in this way.

He's a creep and yanbu at all to be creeped out.

And sadly, yes, change the locks.

So depressing how many people think this was OK, and also how many people here think the best rebuff is to tell him you're already with someone.

Show quote history

He didn't actually ask for her work address.

He asked if it was "closer".

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/10/2023 19:03

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 18:59

I'm not talking about that at all - I am saying the poster was fortunate that the man sacked didn't come after her and attack her in some way!

Show quote history

So women should just stay quiet and never complain?

MissingMoominMamma · 29/10/2023 19:03

How have you responded?

He has put you in a weird position. I think I’d be tempted to just reply with a no thank you, then block him and find someone else to do your parents’ work.

He clearly did find you nice. If you’d been similarly attracted, would you have felt differently? That’s not a question designed to make you feel uncomfortable btw., it’s something that just crossed my mind.

Trace68 · 29/10/2023 19:05

If OP found the tradesman handsome.. it would be so romantic and out of the blue a wonderful surprise..

Something out of a romcom or a novel 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩😍😍

🤣

Palmasailor · 29/10/2023 19:07

Electro79 · 29/10/2023 18:24

I'm now imagining the scenario where the locksmith, having changed the locks, hands over the keys and says "don't suppose you fancy a coffee"😀

I say bring back the good old days when the worst us tradies did was take a pee in the water tank, blasted tankless combination boilers, have to get down from the loft now if you need a wee!

have to get down from the loft now if you need a wee!

Ahhh man, now you tell me!!!!

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 19:14

Trace68 · 29/10/2023 18:59

Politey decline and move on.

99% of the time the bloke is not a rapist or a killer.

If you report him and get him sacked then you might invoke a 'problem '

What do you mean?

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 19:16

Jewelspun · 29/10/2023 18:48

I don't see anything wrong with his polite message.

Other than hanging out in pubs and clubs or online dating, how are people supposed to introduce themselves with a view to meeting up?

This was quite normal before internet and mobile phones.

He was already introduced.

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 19:21

Well my biggest concern @SpringHexagon was that he'd had my keys and was the kind of man who didn't respect boundaries. Just like this one.

The locksmith said this was a common source of business for him, "tradesman who'd had the house keys giving the lady of the house an uncomfortable feeling" is how he put it.

limitedperiodonly · 29/10/2023 19:21

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 18:44

Oh my god.... the man dismissed will have known exactly who got him dismissed, and lord knows what type of person he is, or what type of people he might know, in his personal life. He could very well have set out for revenge. Is that such a stretch???

I never said anything about "justifiable".

I would have concerns about putting myself in that position.

Is that so difficult to comprehend?

I can comprehend the angry reaction of a person disciplined or dismissed from employment because of an entirely justifiable complaint about them.

Do you think acting upon their angry feelings is justifiable? What are you saying: that we should never complain about things because we are scared of a comeback?

Would the fear of a comeback stop you making a justified complaint or would you swallow it or back up the person being complained about because he knows where you live and had your keys?

Do you think that would be all right?

I think you're talking bollocks and any reputable tradesman such as my brother would sack this person on the spot.

I'd also advise OP to change her locks and never to give her keys or passwords to internet banking out again.

QueenBitch666 · 29/10/2023 19:21

I'd change the locks purely for piece of mind. I would never hand my keys over to a stranger in the first place

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 19:22

QueenBitch666 · 29/10/2023 19:21

I'd change the locks purely for piece of mind. I would never hand my keys over to a stranger in the first place

What do you do when you're having work done then?

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 19:27

SoTired12 · 29/10/2023 18:36

I think this sums it up...

Only if you're an incel.

LondonQueen · 29/10/2023 19:28

Simple text back that you're not interested would suffice, I'd only consider it creepy if he kept asking.

Badbadbunny · 29/10/2023 19:41

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 19:22

What do you do when you're having work done then?

Show quote history

Stay in to supervise! I usually take holiday time off work, or arrange to have work done on my days off or work from home.

I'd never glibly hand over keys to anyone, unless it were an empty house being renovated, and when I've done that, I've changed the locks once work has been finished before I've moved in.

OdeToBarney · 29/10/2023 19:43

YANBU OP. I'd feel weirded out and would be changing my locks. Just in case.

piscofrisco · 29/10/2023 19:59

Really: he found you attractive and quite tamely asked you out. How are people supposed to meet each other in real life (not online) anymore without being accused of harassment? I'd you message him back and say no and he persists -then yes, worrying. If not, then it's fine surely?

limitedperiodonly · 29/10/2023 20:03

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 18:59

I'm not talking about that at all - I am saying the poster was fortunate that the man sacked didn't come after her and attack her in some way!

Show quote history

Are you seriously suggesting that is a reason for not complaining about someone?

SoTired12 · 29/10/2023 20:05

verdantverdure · 29/10/2023 19:27

Only if you're an incel.

Show quote history

😂 "incel"

Please tell me what you think"incel" means...

ButWhatIsIt · 29/10/2023 20:07

I would just politely decline and forget about it.
I'm not nasty enough to see someone lose their livelihood just because they asked if I fancied a coffee.

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