Tradesman Asked Me Out

[Creepy23]

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

OP I'm glad to hear you haven't actually moved in yet, so can sort out changing the locks before you do. It's not that hard to do it yourself, and a good idea if you've just bought the house and have no idea who else might still have keys for it.

This entire thread has just reminded me why I
(a) i would prefer to hire a tradeswoman whenever possible (avoiding people like @Palmasailor ) and
(b) have never felt comfortable leaving tradespeople unattended in my home.
....and helped to explain why I read so many accounts of bad relationships on MN.

There are a lot of excuses being made for this dude's dodgy behaviour - he should have done as instructed and posted the keys through the letterbox on the same day as he completed the job - and far too many posters telling the OP to 'get a grip' rather than applauding her for trusting her instincts.

It is different though and I'm sure you yourself are able to see that. If he had sent you a text asking you out for a drink, it likely wouldn't have been a story worthy as the guy that settled himself in your house with some beers and the takeaway menu. How did you get rid of him?

What do you mean dropping them at her work was nearer for her @adriftinadenofvipers?

What could be nearer for her than finding them inside her own front door?

This brings back memories of a builder working on the house next door who I found having his sandwich in my garden. It was a bit of a shock but he said I had a nicer garden than them. I do but strangely enough I didn't take this as the compliment he intended and asked him to leave. I was quite shouty and expletives were involved. But this strange man was in my garden and didn't want to leave.

I have tradesmen in my family and they would never dream of doing a fraction of the things people on this thread are saying are all right.

In fact, they'd sack the men who did it because their reputation is important to them. I'd be worried about any building employer who thinks this behaviour is okay. It's not

I'm now imagining the scenario where the locksmith, having changed the locks, hands over the keys and says "don't suppose you fancy a coffee"😀

I say bring back the good old days when the worst us tradies did was take a pee in the water tank, blasted tankless combination boilers, have to get down from the loft now if you need a wee!

God does everything have to be spelled out - she doesn't live in the house yet. She refers to driving over to get them!!

I don't even drive.

I'm currently staying within walking distance of the house.

Exactly.

I often see this in the work place when colleagues are dating. At some point some one crossed a professional boundary. Again, because both colleagues are attracted to each other all is fine. If they were not attracted to each other it may be deemed harassment.

@SpringHexagon My boyfriend arrived.

What it has in common is boundary pushing and trying to turn a professional relationship into a personal one with absolutely zero encouragement.

"All he did was buy some beer and wine" I can hear Mumsnet chorus

He told my boyfriend that he "didn't know she had a boyfriend" and just wanted to buy me a drink, and to give me the keys in person.

My boyfriend said "not on mate" and did that head tilt that means "on your way" and the bloke scurried out.

I changed the locks.

Firstly good luck on finding a tradeswoman, because you will have a long wait.

Secondly, I don't know why you felt the need to attack @Palmasailor who has said absolutely nothing on this thread to deserve it. I would be quite happy to employ him (would need reviews as I do with anyone I have working in my house). What a horrible, nasty post.

Ok, you said go over - my mistake.

Why didn't he suggest meeting you where you are staying if he had some nefarious purpose? Does he know where that is?

Why is a workman buying alcohol, making themselves comfortable while they wait for you to come home, instead of leaving when they'd finished the job, not the same thing as sending someone a polite text asking if they'd like to go for a coffee 🤔

Yeah you're right, it's exactly the same thing 🙃

I wouldn't think it was creepy were it not for the fact that he had wanted to come to your workplace with your keys. The problem with men is that he could be the nicest, most genuine Man in the world or he could be a rapist and stalker and there's literally no way to tell the difference.

I would change the locks if you live alone. Worst case scenario you've overreacted but have some peace of mind.

I think this sums it up...

I would be furious if a subcontractor working for me sent that message to a client. It’s totally unwanted attention, the OP did absolutely nothing to warrant an advance like that.

And as much as I feel the original post is unreasonable, I would argue with anyone that said the situation you have described was anything other than ridiculous on the tradesman's part and god knows what was going through his mind.
I still don't feel it's anywhere near comparable, the couldn't ignore the guy in your living room, the op can ignore the message she received.

What does "Dead obvious" mean?

What comeback would there be from someone being pissed off?

What do you think would be a justifiable response in this situation?

I once had a tradesman ask me out in my flat, where I lived, on my own. Like your guy, OP, my tradesman was much older.

I felt incredibly vulnerable and threatened. He wasn't dangerous or anything, but I felt like a boundary had been crossed. I'd have preferred a follow up text like yours, TBH - being asked out in my own home was all kinds of creepy!

At least with a text, I could have turned him down without feeling unsafe in my usual safe space.

Oh my god.... the man dismissed will have known exactly who got him dismissed, and lord knows what type of person he is, or what type of people he might know, in his personal life. He could very well have set out for revenge. Is that such a stretch???

I never said anything about "justifiable".

I would have concerns about putting myself in that position.

Is that so difficult to comprehend?

I think that is unfair, lots of guys who aren't fit or particularly attractive get away with being flirty because they are basically nice guys who aren't creepy and similarly guys who are "good looking" who come off creepy.

I know men dislike the fact that they see some men get away with it and they don't and it is difficult to say exactly how some guys can do it and others can't, its just a vibe though and not really about looks at all as many suggest.

There are predatory men who do use their jobs as an excuse to chat up women,usually married ones who have limited chances to meet women openly.
I have had lots of this over the years,not because Im stunningly attractive,just because their default is to chance their luck with every woman in the hope they find someone who believes their patter.
YANBU.

I don't see anything wrong with his polite message.

Other than hanging out in pubs and clubs or online dating, how are people supposed to introduce themselves with a view to meeting up?

This was quite normal before internet and mobile phones.

I would be furious if a subcontractor working for me sent that message to a client. It’s totally unwanted attention, the OP did absolutely nothing to warrant being asked out for coffee on text when the job was complete

there fixed that for you. You’re posting like he sent her a dick pic.

Exactly, no biggie right? Along with all the other 'no big deal' intrusions this man has initiated, over a job lasting 2-3 days. To a much younger woman. Who happens to be on her own. Drip drip. It's hardly a new technique.

Not trying to convince you though. Clearly, reactions to being told 'I found you very nice', by someone you'd contracted to work in your house, are split between those who'd find it charming and those who wouldn't!

You think you're funny but you're just disgusting and immature.